Eh, everyone opens up when theyre ready. Some never are. I dont personally feel its anyone elses problem to decide when or if someone is ready to share what theyre going through - if theyre even going through anything.
That being said, I dont see anything wrong with drumming up conversation. Could be someone getting other peoples perspectives on a hypothetical situation that has crossed their minds (thats the number one reason we come here, isnt it? What difference does motive really make..?)


As far as confrontation being a bad idea - maybe it is, maybe it isnt. I guess it depends on how its handled by the people involved. For someone not capable of self control - yeah, probably not the best idea.
Some people - like me - need to do it in order to get appropriate closure.
I think I would have hung onto him for much longer than I did had I not confronted him.

I did not have a name or know who my husband has been "friendly" with. I had confirmation it was a female and knowledge that they had been texting day and night, like 1300 texts in a 6 day span. I did send her a message. I told her who I was, who my husband was, how long we were together, my childrens names and ages. I was polite but also let her know she was helping to destruct my family whether she knew it or not. I told her I was not asking nor telling her to leave my husband alone I just wanted her to know about my family.

What happened after that was on her shoulders because I knew she knew what she was getting into. I felt better, i did and as for him he was angry BUT he did this not me and if you are going to make those choices sometimes you have to deal with the aftermath.

Once you start to see things with your mind and not your heart you realize you deserve better. Good things happen to good people.

The other woman or other man. I don't find a need to confront them if they should exist. Its only my spouse who I require an explanation.

I sure did. I called her as soon as I found out, then I called and told her H so everyone was on a level playing field.

I thank you for your comments. It was suggested that I go to the infidelity board as I am trying to stay married. You all are very sweet and I thank you for your honesty.

Yes, Infidelity has mostly people staying with the cheating spouses.

Good luck!

Seashell6, Member and I contacted each other and had a good discussion. Maybe if you have me blocked, you should keep that block going and not drop it and dive bomb as you please then put the block up again

They are married. He moved her here, to our small town. I have no doubt that she is a perfectly nice woman. All of his wives have been. There's no telling what lies he told or what buttons he pushed with her. I lay the blame on him, not her. because I know how all too well how he operates.
At any rate, just today I thought "I should go and meet her. I bet we'd be good friends and have lots in common and could do stuff together-just not mention him. " Then I realized there was no way he'd want/let that to happen. If only because he likes to be the focus.

I find it interesting that usually people want to blame the other woman/man but to me unless that person went after the married person, which I think only happens in movies, most of the fault should be with the married person.
In my case, he was unhappy but instead of talking to me, he went online to the dating sites looking for someone. I fault him. I did often think of contacting her to let her know what she was getting in to, but I figured she wouldnt believe me. So, I leave it all alone.

It's not a matter of blaming other woman, the OW that was with my H was literally chasing married guys. She said many times that she loved to destroy marriages. I heard it with my own ears. She was with my H and 3 other married guys at the same time. They were fighting over her. What a bunch of j**ks.
She ended up pregnant without knowing who the father was. She helped destroying a few marriages. I blame the guys mostly even though she was a sl*t chasing married guys.
She had an abortion. My guy was there for her and with her. Supporting the poor thing. He knew about the other guys, they all knew about each other

I did, but she didn't know she was. My ex, has a problem with flirting. We had a temporary breakup in 06. He already had laid the foundation for his new relationship, while he was with me. He mis lead her as to his availability. He went on a trip to Vegas with her right after our breakup. She broke up with him a month later, because she knew they were not a good match. He immediately tried to get back with me, but no..... A year later, I did take him back. I found out they were still e/m each other. He said they were friends. I e/m her and asked her. She said they were just friends. She had just started dating someone new and would be happy to go on a double date with us. She turned out to be the nicest person, she had no idea that My ex was using her as a back up plan. We both e/m my ex and told him we wanted to go out together. He said he didn't want to go on a double date, but would like to get together with her and have coffee or something. She knew then that he was thinking more then being just friends and stopped communicating with him. He still has her number on his phone, although she is married and has another last name now. I kind of feel sorry for my ex. A horrible case of leaving all options open just in case you can up grade. Now he's all alone.....poor baby.

Jaclyn - I agree. Even though I was pissed at the OW, because she was a family friend, my biggest issue was my ex...HE took vows with me.

I don't know if, in general, it's easier for people to blame the OW or OM, because they don't want to to further soil the image of their spouse?

Ha ha ha! The idiot other woman emailed me wanting me to forward to her copies of the emails MY husband sent to me because she didn't think he was being honest with her. WTF?

Silly wabbit. He's a cheater. Did you really expect honesty from a cheater?

I had this discussion in my support group last night. As far as blaming the OW here's my take on it: as soon as she spread her legs for a married man she became a willing participant, his co-conspirator in crime. Knowing full well he was a married man she is just as much to blame as he is. She is just as guilty and just as responsible.

What a dumb ass wanting your emails!

UGH!

((((((((((((KAW)))))))))))))