His MIS. Sorry to hear of your situation. I assume you are talking about whether to leave/divorce him or stay... Either way, you have to put your own needs first and take care of you. Make sure you tend to your physical, emotional and mental well-being . It will only be in doing so that you'll be in a position to move forward in making a decision.

Thank you for the response Arianwen. Yes deciding whether to end our 10 yr relationship. Very difficult decision as I don't want to abandon him because he is ill, however I truly don't believe it is healthy for me to ride a long on the rollercoaster. I have tried so hard and all my generousity, empathy, patience is spent. I suppose I should be lucky we are not married and do not live together or have children.

Mental illness is a little different to fix Nicole. But thanks for the advice. Good luck to you

For someone who suffers from depression i can say that when my wife left it made it so much worse. Never give up on someone you love. Remember hes depression is tearing him apart. I can assure you he knows how its effecting you and he would do anything to switch it off. And be a normal guy again because thats how i feel. Dont give up he needs your strength, your support your understanding and most of all. Your love. X x x

I understand that Lloydie but is it also not fair that my health and well being has to suffer? I am not the same happy person I once was and don't I deserve appropriate love too? I've given 10 yrs of my life to this person with the hope it will get better and it has not. I think I have done all that I can. I don't deserve the way I'm treated regardless of the reason why he treats me this way. I understand it may be worse for him but the one thing i have learned is it's not my fault and I can't feel guilty should I decide to have a healthier life for myself. I truly believe love isn't enough.
How has your wife leaving made it worse? Don't you wish her happiness and that's something you couldn't offer her? Isn't it selfish at all to expect someone to stay when their health and happiness is depleted? Mental Illness aside marriages and relationships end even if the couple loves each other. Honestly if i could see hope I would stay, but there is zero effort on his part.

I also have forgot to mention he is bipolar which adds a whole other element including narcissism, and anger issues. These two things are very hard to put up with.

It sounds to me that you have made up your mind already. It made it worse because we was happy both had good jobs a nice house and were trying for children. The reason she left is because i found out she was texting pictures to a boy half my age in 2015 i found out in jan 2017. She stopped texting him after a few weeks in 2015. She left not because she was unhappy she left because she couldnt handle the guilt and didnt think we could move past it. Thats all.

oh well that's a totally different story and is really horrible. Guilt is an evil thing and sadly even though you could forgive her, she could not or didn't want to forgive herself. Sorry for your loss. I have not made up my mind, I am struggling to find the right answer. I believe I should end it, my heart doesn't want to. We have agreed to have a very honest talk face to face next week. So we shall see what transpires.

MIS, it sounds like you're emotionally and physically bankrupt. I don't wish to sound disrespectful, but there are a couple of things you need to understand;

1. Your husband alone is responsible for his own mental health welfare. It is not your responsibility, just as you are not responsible for his happiness.
2. The best way that you can help him is to put your own needs as a priority. You cannot help others if you neglect your own well-being.

If you work on these two things, you will be in a better place to work through your decisions and deal with any consequential emotions. How long have you been trying to 'fix' him by trying to make him happy? You have to step back a little, meet your own needs, and get your emotional balance back in credit.

I'm happy to discuss/clarify if you wish to PM me. Take care.

It all makes sense what you say Arianwen. I did a 6 week program called Living with a Loved one with Bipolar. The message I walked away with was just what you said. Not my fault, i can't fix someone and put myself first. We are not married and do not have children. I've realized I can't help him. That's up to him. We have been together for about 9 yrs. I got into this knowing he had his problems. Guess I didn't realize the grandeur of it all at the time cause I fell in love with him.
Thank you for your reply

It's a difficult place where you find yourself. My husband and I have been married for almost 25 years and I have a degenerative neurological disorder. Definitely different from mental illness but it does get discouraging and emotionally draining for both of us. I tell you this to let you know that I have empathy for both of you. I feel that it is a lot that my husband should not have to carry and he always tells me he said, "for better or for worse". For us the key is that we focus on our love for each other separately from the other burdens in our lives. That's the foundation that my illness is unable to destroy and as far as we are concerned no part of my illness can ever become greater than that love.
We have other tricks to help us thru the day too, of course but I thought that one is the thing.

I'm truly sorry for both of you that life is so heavy right now and I pray that you will find the answers you need.

Thank you for your message dz. You are lucky to still have that love. Words and actions of love are still available to you, for me, my bf has become numb to any emotions or feelings other than anger so I do not feel any love. Double whammy. Yes for better or for worse in your case as marriage holds a sacred bond. I am not married and maybe it's a scapegoat but I don't feel bound so potentially a little easier to to leave? Not sure. Yes in theory he is the man I fell in love with but he no longer is that same man. So sad for both of us. I'm struggling with how long to stay, when and if to give up. Such a difficult decision. I spoke to my therapist about needing someone who can take care of me as I age as much as i take care of them and well sadly this will never happen. I will always be the caregiver and honestly it's just not fair. We haven't had enough good years together to take on that permanent role. I feel I will eventually have so much anger towards him and that's not fair either. Anyway in conclusion I'm confused and I appreciate your message and I'm happy to hear you still have love.

Hi MIS. I'm sorry you’re going through this tough time. There comes times in life when we have to make some really tough decisions. Many times the decision we make will affect others as well. However, we can only make the best decision after much thought and inner reflection. I know you said you went through a six week program. Have you ever considered the two of you going through a program together? I know you will be having a talk with your boyfriend. Have you thought about talking to your boyfriend about him taking care of his mental health? We are all important and deserve the best in life. I commend you for being a support for your boyfriend. I read some great articles on expectations while date: http://bit.ly/2pcI2Oh

He is seeking help. He has been since he was diagnosed so many years ago. Seems he always falls backwards at some point. This deep depression has now lasted a year. Thank you for your message. Hard decision indeed. Yes couples therapy is an option however with everything that he is struggling with one more item might just be too much. Just more stress. We shall see.

We had a really emotional talk and will continue to fight for the relationship for now. We are having a counselling session next week. We shall see how it all goes.