Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi,
Well, I'm back. I haven't posted for a few weeks, because so much shit has been going on.
1) She finally started her new job 2 weeks ago, the one that I got for her. We now carpool together, since we work for the same company.
2) We got intimate a few times (yes, had sex), so I naturally thought things were improving.
3) We've gone out as a family a few times and she took family pictures (yes, me included) by asking others to take those pictures of us.
4) She started to wear her wedding ring again, after almost 3 months of not wearing it.
So, basically all seems to be working out for our relationship. Unfortunately, she fell asleep downstairs and left her cell phone unattended. I have never in the past gone through her phone, as we respected one another's privacy, but the urge was just too strong. So, for the first time in 10 years I went through her phone tonight and read her text messages (interestingly, not password protected).
The majority of the texts were between her and her best friend. This is what I found out:
1) Her ex (biological father of her youngest daughter) wants to work it out. She went on a ski trip to Lake Tahoe while I was on a week long business trip (week of March 9th) and got super sick. Since his home is between Tahoe and our house, she crashed at his place for the night. She made me aware of this. She swore up and down nothing happened, as she was just too sick to drive an additional 45 minutes to get home.
2) Her text to her friend the day I left for my week long business trip, "He just left and will be gone for the week!"
3) Said to her friend that she's wearing her wedding ring just because her new coworkers know she's the wife of a manager at that company.
Those texts were about 1 to 2 weeks old. Texts to her best friend this week:
1) "I am still looking for a place to move to, but need to save money first. He and I are getting along, but boundaries are getting gray. It's just not healthy."
2) "It's hard living with him and now working at the same company. I feel like crying."
3) "I will just live with him until May when I can afford to move."
Well, that super sucks! I'm feeling like she's just using me. I'm not too sure nothing happened between her and her baby daddy when she allegedly got too sick to drive home. I had no idea she's just putting up a front until she can afford to move out. I don't even know if I should tell her I know all this crap because I went through her phone.
Well, I'm back. I haven't posted for a few weeks, because so much shit has been going on.
1) She finally started her new job 2 weeks ago, the one that I got for her. We now carpool together, since we work for the same company.
2) We got intimate a few times (yes, had sex), so I naturally thought things were improving.
3) We've gone out as a family a few times and she took family pictures (yes, me included) by asking others to take those pictures of us.
4) She started to wear her wedding ring again, after almost 3 months of not wearing it.
So, basically all seems to be working out for our relationship. Unfortunately, she fell asleep downstairs and left her cell phone unattended. I have never in the past gone through her phone, as we respected one another's privacy, but the urge was just too strong. So, for the first time in 10 years I went through her phone tonight and read her text messages (interestingly, not password protected).
The majority of the texts were between her and her best friend. This is what I found out:
1) Her ex (biological father of her youngest daughter) wants to work it out. She went on a ski trip to Lake Tahoe while I was on a week long business trip (week of March 9th) and got super sick. Since his home is between Tahoe and our house, she crashed at his place for the night. She made me aware of this. She swore up and down nothing happened, as she was just too sick to drive an additional 45 minutes to get home.
2) Her text to her friend the day I left for my week long business trip, "He just left and will be gone for the week!"
3) Said to her friend that she's wearing her wedding ring just because her new coworkers know she's the wife of a manager at that company.
Those texts were about 1 to 2 weeks old. Texts to her best friend this week:
1) "I am still looking for a place to move to, but need to save money first. He and I are getting along, but boundaries are getting gray. It's just not healthy."
2) "It's hard living with him and now working at the same company. I feel like crying."
3) "I will just live with him until May when I can afford to move."
Well, that super sucks! I'm feeling like she's just using me. I'm not too sure nothing happened between her and her baby daddy when she allegedly got too sick to drive home. I had no idea she's just putting up a front until she can afford to move out. I don't even know if I should tell her I know all this crap because I went through her phone.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
Oops well it does include how she is going to use you
She is one calculating cold cruel creature that has zero concern for you
I don't enjoy telling you that because you love her
But you gotta think this through without emotion
If any of your friends or family was in your shoes and they were to tell you this story... Your heart would break for them because you'd see that they were trying to save a marriage that is over.
She has checked out, worse, what kind of person wears a wedding ring for the reasons she does
What kind of person takes family photos for the reasons she does
What kind if person uses her kids for the reasons she does
What kind of person uses the people. That love her for the reasons that she does and looks dam good / calm / hot doing it right to your face ?
A person with no conscience
In my honest opinion and from personal experience - and I don't mean this to hurt you at all - but I think she is probably doing the pictures and family time and possibly even the intimacy as a way to maintain some false level of relationship so that she can continue to save up money until she has enough to do what she wants to do.
Best of luck.. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will say that I don't agree she has no conscience or is doing this to directly attack you, but I would instead say that she has moved on and her emotions have left the picture, and she is thinking only practically and logistically as far as being able to have the means to leave.
After that I told her to leave. It was enough. Wasn't fair to the rest of us her carrying on like that. And yeah it hurt but you read her texts and you got the truth...it was several months after my ex left I read a text that she shot to our daughter that gave me the cold truth right between the eyes. After all her denials about cheating . ..you just cannot control someone else. If they cheat that's on them, not you.
Personally I told my ex I read her stupid texts just to let her flounder about. The anger and realization of the truth ultimately helped me as I saw her for who she is now, and wouldn't take her lying ass back so I could cut out the whole false hope and reconciliation BS.
As much as the truth hurts it's much better having it in my opinion. Now you know exactly where you stand...and crashing at her exes instead if driving 45 minutes cause she was just soooo sick and couldn't possible drive home...and spent the night...but nothing happened....ugh. Reading her texts and learning her actions really make me dislike this woman immensely. She's lying and cheating and stringing you along on her leash. The balls in your court now. How much longer you want to be used is entirely up to you. Good luck ..
Your wife is trying to keep pretend peace so HER life doesn't get disrupted. She is wanting her cake and eating it too.
This will only hinder your healing. Unfortunately, you gotta go through the shit storm to get to the healing, and this situation is only prolonging the shit storm.
For those of you who don't know the situation, here's a quick summary:
We've been married 10 years. We are a blended family (she has 3 kids: 17, 16 and 11 year olds). I have a 16 year old. She told me she wanted a separation this past January and told me she will move out as soon as she can afford to. She applied and interviewed for a job at the company I work for in November (months before she dropped the bomb on me) but wasn't hired until March (I'm a good friend of the hiring manager and he created a new position just for her). He doesn't know we are going through this, as I want to keep our personal lives separate from our professional lives. So, her moving out as soon as she can afford to is not news to me, as that was already established early on. I just thought things were improving between us until I read her texts. By the way, I didn't tell her I went through her phone.
Dude, you gotta start to see this soul sucking woman for the needful thing that she is, she is better than a tick, ticks are stealthy and you don't feel the bite , your wife had you deluded into thinking the bite was love, she scares the bejabbers out of me
Pretty sad, I looked at her phone again today while she was in the shower. Her text to her friend, "He's driving me bananas. So much that I'm going to turn into a monkey, arrrgh!" So, I guess me asking her to contribute and asked when does she plan to move is driving her bananas.
Loneliness, here I come.
Sorry you're going through this too. He took our youngest for the first time and kept him for 2 nights. Wanted tonight too, but he decided he wanted to come back home. I do love having our kids here with me. The water gun fight, basketball, yelling and laughing make me feel good. I will miss when older ones leave for college next fall. There is better out there and you deserve it. Stay strong.