Okay here i go. My husband and i recently celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary with a beautiful pacific cruise (this was 8 weeks ago) i thought we were happy. We have been trying to have a baby and it has been difficult, alot of specialist appointments, doctor appointments and it slowly begun to wear m down, i tried to be strong i tried to keep it together because the truth is i didnt want him to know that i was miserable that every time a doctor told me "your heading in the right direction BUT" i wanted to scream and honestly just break. i kept going i wanted a baby more than anything and i thought he did to.

I went away for the weekend for my best friends bridal shower, it was amazing i can admit it was the happiest i have been in a while, i spent the day bragging about my husband and talking about how we are trying to have a baby, i admitted that i had finally gotten use to having my husbands surname and joked about going home to make a baby with him because throughout all of this we never made it about just having a baby it was love and it was fun and honestly it was amazing!

I call him when im close to home to ask what he would like for dinner and he sounded off, i joked and asked him f he was leaving me and he said Yes. Yes? really. we were fine we have had a couple of little arguments yeah but we are married it happens. I get home and his stuff is gone and i mean everything right down to splitting up the alcohol bottles (we dont even drink) i couldnt even find a piece of paper with his name on it. my husband didnt live here it like our marriage never existed.

He says he doesnt love me any more that he cant handle it, he cant stand the insulting each other and urting each other any more. how do you go from one day loving your wife to the next erasing your entire marriage.

I cant breathe. I cant eat. i cant sleep. i cant live. i love him unconditionally and it is tearing me to shreds and i feel like my life is over.

his family keep messaging me calling me a phsyco, a horrible person, and telling me to leave him alone and yeah i get that the first few days i was a mess and kept calling but i thought you fight for your husband. but they are being so horrible to me treating me like a monster and the sad thing is apart from one message that my nan sent to his mum i told them ALL to not contact him, i havent given them his new number (he changed his number!) i have told them all to leav him alone yet his mums boyfriend keeps messaging me and i cant take it.

we had messaged each other and everything seemed okay than his sister sent me the nastiest text i have ever recieved and than proceeded to abuse me on the phone. I had a panic attack and than i pased out. half an hour later i walked into my room sat down and tried to end it. apparently my poor nan found me i dont remember anything other than feeling worthless.

i had gone to a mutual friend to talk as they invited me over and i admit i was a mess but throughout all of our talking i never once ran him down i took all of the blame, i said i must have broken him its the only logical explanation. yes i was upset yes i can admit that i dont remember the whole conversation it had only been a few days i hadnt slept or eaten and i was a mess. than from what i can tell he had spoken to them and got the wrong side of the story or only heard the negatives and went to his family.... hense the abuse. he told me i could talk to them so i did he told me they were my friends so i talked but now im told to stay away from them. so now i feel like they are only his friends. 

he moved in with his friend and her mum, and yes i have been jelous of her in the past because i though she was my friend to but seemed to distance herself from me, i would text her and get no reply yet he would sit next to me and text her and straight away she would reply to him. than i got our phone bill and there were hundreds of calls and texts in just weeks and everyone around me told me that he left me for her. i still cant believe it it cant be true i would have seen it and he is not that kind of man.

I know that its over or at least thats what i keep telling myself because he doesnt love me, he doesnt care about me and has erased my existance from his life. but how do i move on from this how do i tell myself not to contact him and not to care when every part of me just wants to hold him. why cant i get mad and be angry at him for what he has done? why didnt i see this coming? and why is it so easy to walk away from me i thought thatour marriage was real and true but how do you just walk out on your wife and not look back or even check if she is okay?

I have a secret that i wish i could tell someone but i know that everyone will say i am using it to make him come home or trap him into our marriage, so i keep it to myself and every second of every day i just want to find him stand in front of him cry and say "I cant believe the timing but its true"

im so sorry that this post is so long i have shortened it as much as i could i could write this word for work and it would be pages long because i am so confused, and i feel broken. Please tell me what to do. i cant take it anymore and its not getting any better. i know its over but i love him so much and him ignoring my existance is making it harder and i am so scared that i / we wont pull through this. i cant do this alone. i cant be anymore buti know i now have no choice. he gave me no choice.

I am scared of him. I am scared of myself.