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conflict between values and reason

mariel83
mariel83
I believe that I have been rational in dealing with my current divorce. I excluded anger, love, disappointment and sadness when I agreed with the divorce. I think that it is in my best interest to agree with the divorce. As I posted in the past, I have been in roller coaster of emotions (I am still) yet I stood by my decision that divorce is the best for me. Recently I have been hearing something inside me, crying out for help. I paid attention and tried to figure out. It is me when I was a girl. I listened to her. She is in pain. The divorce is hurting her so much. She misses my husband. She wants to cling to the marriage. She keeps saying that divorce is bad. Anyway, it was strange. So I talked about it to my psychologist today. She said that this girl is my conscience acquired from my childhood and I was repressing it by being rational. I grew up in a very religious family. My parents told me that divorce is bad. My psychologist taught me to let the girl out. The girl wants to be heard and needs to be healed. She said that I should talk to the girl. I kind of let the girl out today. This is the girl in me my husband has rejected and is hurting and so I told her that I am here for her and I love her. This helps a bit at the moment...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hiding away your emotions may seem to make sense, but eventually you will need to deal with any and all emotions in order to fully move forward. It's a long hard road, don't deny any of the pain because its all legitimate. Good luck to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Good for you for taking care of yourself and seeing the therapist. Its just a voice inside, an old recording that plays... doesn't mean you should do what it wants. Let it out and let it be, it is healing.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Mariel: Many in various generations were taught that divorce was bad or not allowed either through their family, their religion, their ethnic beliefs, etc. So when divorce happens, it can cause feelings that other generations have imparted upon you at an earlier age.

The child within probably was told as a child that divorce is bad. That sticks with kids. Now when you are experiencing divorce as an adult, it brings up the childhood issue. Be sure that you tell the inner child that divorce is not bad, but instead will keep her safe with you and that she will be okay. That you two will have a better life together. Be positive and encouraging. Many hugs.
bigguy3
bigguy3
I went through very similar emotional turmoil during my divorce. My head told me that it was for the best and that everything would be okay. My heart screamed at me that I was hurting, that I needed to be held, that I needed to be comforted and that divorce was not the answer. This battle between my head and my heart raged on while I tried to heal from the divorce. I was able to vent here on DS and also to a counselor. I learned that my heart would need to heal at it's own pace and that I couldn't rush it through with reasoning. I allowed myself to feel the pain, to weep when I needed to (which turned out to be a LOT), and to give myself the comfort I needed.

It's a process and it will take as long as it needs to. Remember to allow yourself to feel a full range of emotions. Don't let yourself get stuck too long in any one feeling or you can sabotage your progress. Talk about what you are going through with trusted friends and/or a counselor. I found writing in a journal to be a big help too. Good luck.