Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
After being in a 5 year relationship with a woman I was completely and utterly infatuated, addicted, overwhelmed and in love with she told me two months ago that she didn't want to be together anymore. She did it the cowardly way by texting me and then when I called to talk to her she was cruel and abusive. I am in such disbelief. On the Monday prior to leaving me she had texted me that she was planning a trip for my birthday and asked how does Friday, Sat, Sun sound and asked what my days off were and then on the Thursday prior to that weekend she broke up with me. Why would someone tell you they were planning a trip to go away with you and then break up with you and never want to see,hear or talk to you again after 5 years together.
I am in such a state of shock I can hardly function. Everyone asks me why I would even waste any energy obsessing over her since she was so abusive but all I can think about is all the times we shared together. I can't understand how she would just throw it all away so easily. Two years ago she wrote me a letter when she was on a cruise with her grown boys and she said that she had told everyone on board that she was married to me and wrote that she didn't want to be without me, she wished that I was there with her, she was afraid that i wouldn't accept her when she was at her worst when she couldn't even accept herself and that is what kept her at bay fearing my rejection. That made me want her even more because I wanted her to know that i would always be there for her even if she hated herself.
I am dead inside. I will never get over her or this loss. I have tried making new friends and going out with other women but I don't want anything to do with anyone but her. And that will never happen since she doesn't want me. I am just lost.....
I am in such a state of shock I can hardly function. Everyone asks me why I would even waste any energy obsessing over her since she was so abusive but all I can think about is all the times we shared together. I can't understand how she would just throw it all away so easily. Two years ago she wrote me a letter when she was on a cruise with her grown boys and she said that she had told everyone on board that she was married to me and wrote that she didn't want to be without me, she wished that I was there with her, she was afraid that i wouldn't accept her when she was at her worst when she couldn't even accept herself and that is what kept her at bay fearing my rejection. That made me want her even more because I wanted her to know that i would always be there for her even if she hated herself.
I am dead inside. I will never get over her or this loss. I have tried making new friends and going out with other women but I don't want anything to do with anyone but her. And that will never happen since she doesn't want me. I am just lost.....
I am going through a similar loss. I know the feeling of not wanting any other woman. I definitely feel your pain. Has it gotten any easier for you over the last few months? Unfortunately, I don't have any good advice as to how to deal with this. I think it just has to hurt for a while. According to other people, it will get better even though it doesn't feel like it will, right now. If you are in the same boat as me, you are holding on to the hope that the two of you will get back together. If that is the case, its not healthy. At this point, I don't know if I'm talking to you or myself. Just know that I am here help if needed, any way I can. As for why she would plan a trip for you and break up with you before the trip, that may been a way for her to try to hold on to the relationship before realizing she couldn't do it any more. I'm not sure because I don't know her. Once again, if you need anything let me know.
I'll point out what I see here - you used the word infatuated and addicted when describing how you felt for someone - not good and you might want to spend sometime solo doing some soul searching and making sure you do not love others more than you love yourself moving forward. Counseling might be good also.
You said she asked you what were your days off - she didn't know this after being with you for 5 years? - that tells me you were way more vested than she was.
You said you can't understand why she did what she did - because people do not all love at the same pace - not everyone lose themselves in the process of loving others or being in a relationship with others - some keep a distance, are self centered, guarded, etc. Making someone your addiction or the center of your world it's not healthy and it will keep you hurting in the future - there are more folks like her than like you around - so be mindful of that.
You are lost without her - I do get it, I can relate and understand - but do not allow anyone to take over what's yours - YOUR life - she already stole your joy - she crushed your heart - don't let her take away your life and your desire to live, move on and perhaps love again.
Be well.
As a previous post indicated, you lost yourself in the relationship. This is never a good thing. For whatever reason, many people think this behavior is indicative of loving someone more and more, but it is really an obsession. It is not, I repeat *NOT*, healthy.
Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to the things people do. Focus on the facts, not the unknown. Realize that no answer you would get would change the outcome or make you feel better. Your healing and progress comes from within, not from her explanations.
The best thing you can do is stay single, focus on yourself, and once you are feeling stronger, analyze why you invested way to much in another person. Feelings are fickle, it's human nature. I have learned the hard way, as you will, that even in the best of relationships, you need to maintain your own identity, interests, and life outside of your significant other. It is the healthy thing to do.