Maybe you need some kind of closure. I'm not an expert by any means but, I wrote letters to my stbxh. All kinds. Thankful, Angry, Sad, F- you, Goodbye etc. All different types but would NEVER send them. That helped me get all the things that were swirling around in my mind, out. I knew he wouldn't care how I felt. But I needed to get out all of my emotions. It took many letters and about 8 months. The last letter I wrote freed me. I felt this calming in my mind and heart. I have nothing left there for him. He means nothing to me anymore.
I also read the book, Learn to Love Yourself by Gay Hendricks.
Take care.

Hey I know exactly what you mean. It has been 5 years for me. I have had breakups before, too many in fact but I could always move on. This time for the last 5 years everyday is just a struggle and filling my life with distractions. I try to get interested in other women but the relationship with them really doesn't matter and is just another distraction. I keep thinking I will meet someone special and no longer be haunted by the memories and hell I have to deal with everyday. I have no answers, because I can't find them myself. But I understand what you are going through if that helps. Good luck, I feel for you.

I am so sorry you are still in pain. I don't think there is an exact time frame for each of us going through a break up. I did want to share something that stood out to me from church last Sunday. The pastor was talking about going through a painful experience and he said you could either be bitter or better and the only difference in those two words was the I. Meaning I am in charge of whether I come out of the pain or not. You can either wallow in it or walk through it. He also talked quite a bit about releasing bitterness by forgiving the person or situation that caused you pain. It keeps the pain from controlling you. I am not explaining it as good as he did but it made sense. I was blindsided by my husband on July 4th with the news he had been having an affair and was leaving me for the woman who was now having his baby. We weren't having any trouble and I had no idea he was having an affair. Some days are harder than others as I learn how to live in this new life. I try to plan three things each morning that I am going to accomplish each day and I push myself to get them done. This gives me a sense of purpose and gets me to the next day.

One more thing, someone on this board told me that the best revenge against the people that hurt us is to have a great life. Those words have stuck with me and that is what I plan to do! Good luck to you. Don't get stuck on the number of days you have been in pain.....focus on what you will do today to get going on the great life that is ahead of you.

It tough to move when u are sad. Im in bed most of the past 6 months. The 3 things a day is a good start! Im an empath so I turn it to 3 good deeds a day to make myself feel good about being myself. There must be something good you can do in a day! Small things like saving a snail on the path, feeding the birds and avoiding to step on ants...

I'm sorry you are going through this hurtful time but eventually it will pass. Folks have provided some great feedback and hopefully you don't feel alone. I have been seeing a therapist and find that to be very helpful..

Best of luck on your journey. You are not alone, come here to feel connected. We care!

-TM

Do come on and post, it will help you move
Thru the grief and to help others too. We are
all at different Places emotionally. Time takes
time as Hard as that is to bear somedays.

I am two years of no contact and post divorce
And i still struggle. I did finally detach from him,
i am just not yet to the indifference stage which
is something I pray and hope for.

I hope to have a beautiful happy new Life ahead,
That thought does help to keep my Prospective.
Many have achieved just that and much More. We
are stronger, more mature and not so vulnerable.
Therapy and divorce care will really help too, HUGS