They are usually checked out and long before You
know it. They are disconnected emotionally From
you and the marriage.

Often then they await to find the right someone
and the right timing then they are long gone.

My ex has no remorse or concern about me only
about his financial consequences.

I believe in going to therapy and divorce care helps
with the grieving and divorce process, HUGS

Thank you for you feed back. It suck but as hard as it is I will have to find my closure within, I am very hesitant with therapy at the moment but I have been considering group divorce recovery to learn from those who lived the pain as I can relate to thier experience. This board has been a great therapy.

I read the infatuated falling in love was not meant to be the state of marriage till death do us apart but rather a path to another kind of love b/n two couples that choose to go on a journey together while embracing both the "us" and "I". Since I didn't get that chance I can't explain what this entails, but I would have loved to experience it.

I was married 30 years, the first 10 were good And
happy then things started going slowly the other way.

It takes two mature willing adults to Keep a marriage
Healthy and committed.

Divorce care is great also someone on here loves
Rebuilding.org thats based on bruce fishers book.
That Cost $300.00, DC is $25. 00 donation. I went to
DC Multiple times its a 13 week program. It does help
A lot with the grieving process and being around others
Going thru the same things. HUGS

Hugs, you have to wade through all the pain and anguish to get to the other side. Ask us old timer about how much we had to go through. I was married 25 years. And yes, they have moved on long before they ran. It usually takes one year for every four years of marriage/relationship to heal. One thing please be gentle with yourself. If you think that she is blissfully happy think again. They are always looking for that unicorn. If they can do it with you, they can do it to you. I have seen that so many times too. They will blame us for everything and anything just to justify what they did.

Once they check out it's pointless to look to them for "closure"...they've created a new narrative in their head so they are not interested in saving anything, just bolting. My ex wife admitted she thought about leaving for 2 years (together 24) and she came up with all kinds of nuggets like "it Never felt right in 24 years" blah blah truth came out she was cheating and so had her exit planned out. Best advice I can give is try therapy and see if it helps, talking it out helps, and go No Contact as much as possible. Once all loose ends are cleaned up cut her off 100% and work on yourself and your own happiness. Talking to her will prove painful and ultimately fruitless..trust me I've been there. After 3 years I'm much better and enjoying my new life.

I hope for every 4 years takes 1 year to heal won't be my case but thanks for dose of realty- I needed it.

And I agree that no contact will help as I look forward to the next chapter. Having kids in their teens and being 50/50 parent may present challenges but will work to limit it in order to move forward. Thank you all for sharing.

Use limited contact, no personal talk what so ever,
Business at hand only, about the children or financials,
Try To use email or text only.

It takes 3 years post divorce to normalize, thats when
your grieving has been processed and you Are making
a new life of your own. You no longer care What the ex
is doing or not doing unless it impacts your children.

The grieving will last for awhile look up the stages of
Grief. Many times the checked out spouse has already
Grieved while making their decision to leave you and
The marriage.

This is not an easy process keep reaching out, HUGS

I feel like we're going through the same thing. Let know how you're coming as I'm struggling as well.

Sorry you are on the no closure path as well. In the process of ending our marriage my wife admits hardening her heart and compassionate approach to close our journey wasn't her top priority. She went cold to make it easier on herself but ended up hurting me deeper.

I would have match prefered thanking each other for all the good, cry it out, and tell me divorce was a choice she made at her free will and not to discount the good, With that we could have walked into the court house holding hands, out the court house to say one final good by with a hug and walk apart on our own separate ways knowing love can hurt but the sum its part is worth the pain..

May be the emotion got the best of me, may be such an ending is not realty but I could only hope. Please let me know in your progress coping with it and hang in there.

My wife was a cold as ice and could careless about how I feel or what I'm going through. Yesterday when we were in the court room, I'm still begging her to reconsider, but she said it's too late. After the divorce has been finalized, we came out and she hugged me. I embraced her tight and told her I love her very much. She told me she loves me too. She also said, we tried but it didn't work out. I want to tell her she didn't try hard enough because we could have gone to marriage counseling, but she shutdown the idea. She thinks it will never work and I will only change for little bit then be back to my old ways. I hated the fact that she didn't factored in how much I love her..how committed I am in our marriage. I don't understand why she would just bail out without fighting. I was fight for our marriage even before we go in front of the judge. I'm hurting so bad. I just want this pain to go away. I'm even scared for muself.

"My wife was a cold as ice and could careless about how I feel or what I'm going through."
That's when you know she's completely checked out and to go No Contact. The BEST revenge is living well without them.

Yeah, that's my situation as well. She couldn't care at all how I feel about the situation and is all about what feels good for her.

I can't go NO contact as we have kids together but when I do see her, I just tell her about the kids' day in as few words as possible and leave, no small talk, no talk about the past, no how's your life going; that's it. Seems to be driving her crazy because that's when she started flaunting the boyfriend around in front of me. I'm not doing it to hurt her, but rather because that's what I need to move on in life.

I'm not out for revenge on her, she feels like a stranger with a familiar face if that makes any sense. I feel she'll bring revenge on herself with what she's done and the things she's doing. I am going to live well without her but that's for me and my kids.

They still feel guilt and shame, that does not stop
Them from the path they have chosen. My ex use
to leap Into his truck when he saw me coming if he
was all alone.

Prior to facing the judge, I talk to her. I told her that we could have fixed the issue, but instead she decided to bail out on our marriage. She then told me that I'm good at making her feel guilty. Then, she doesn't want to hear any of it. It's done and over. When we were at the courthouse my wife acted like we're just in the DMV trying to fix drivers license or something. I was so miserable that the judge ask the cop to stand by coz I might just collapse. How can someone makes plan for the year vacation and want to by a retirement house then quickly turn around and ask for divorce.

Early this morning, she send me an email with my pictures. No message just my pictures. I already start feeling a little okay until I saw her email and I went back to square one. I hate it when she send me text or email and I still expect miracles.

I agree :( my boyfriend and I were together for 6 years and he recently ended it. He had said what happened in the past has made him lose feelings, but we are different people today. He always told me that we should leave the past where it was, but now he is gone due to that. As much as I felt I did get closure, it hurts knowing we couldnt fix our relationship.