So my ex decided to contact me on Valentine's Day through text for the first time since hanging up on me the week before Christmas, to say this:

"It hurts not having you in my everyday. I'm sure you didn't want to hear from me. I just wish I knew how you were doing. For whatever it's worth.. Happy Valentine's Day."

I was furious at first but through the conversation I was able to say some things I didnt get a chance to before. I took the high road. He pointed out that he was looking for txts and calls from me during this time but I didn't contact him either. Just some background - He hung up on me after I said I was not going to continue to put in effort if he wasnt willing to do the same. And after that he never called to give me the details on the time and location of the pastoral counseling appointment he said he set up for the following weekend, and I didnt hear one word from him over the holidays. I felt I was always the one putting in effort to make things right and that if he wanted to show the effort that I was asking for that he would contact me and that if not I needed to move on.

Through the txt convo he said there has been no one else, all of his effort has been tied up in his custody battle and interviewing for a new position, that he misses me greatly, that I have been the biggest part of his life for the last 5 yrs but he "just couldnt take the hurtful words from me", that I will always hold "the most important part of his heart", that I changed him and his life, that he wishes he never caused me pain by cheating in the beginning because we'd be together happy now that he's changed, thanked me for "taking care of him from start to finish", that he prays for success, love, peace, and happiness in my future, and a sad crying emoticon followed by "I've been holding back these tears too long".

I told him that there was a lot of unhealthy unresolved stuff underneath with him that was spilling over into my life and after years of effort on my part I had to leave after I saw he was not willing to even confront them (I have been in counseling, CoDA, and doing constant reading for the last two years to figure out how to improve the relationship, we went to counseling together for a short period of time for verbal abuse until he lied in a session), that if he was happy with himself that I'm the one who needed to leave, and that I need to be with a partner who can give me the compassion and support that I give to them. He simply responded with: "Ok. I see." Which just re-confirms his avoidance and unwillingness to make an effort.

Even though I feel like I finally got the closure I wanted, I have felt like crap every day since. It's like he just doesnt get it that there are things he needs to take care of on his end in order for a relationship to work. He did change but he thinks that just because he stopped cheating that he did his part and there's nothing else wrong. Verbal abuse, avoidance, and lack of empathy will be unhealthy in any relationship he enters. It's like he doesnt even process what I say to him. The only thing he takes responsibility for is the cheating.

I feel like I got closure but this still hurts like hell because when it was good it felt like paradise I'd never before known and I can run right back but I'll just be making a deal with the devil for some temporary relief from this heartwrenching pain. So I know I can't.

I feel like I was better off before the "closure"