Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I just read the piece on choosing happiness. I says: . Your mind is your private sanctuary; do not allow the negative beliefs of others to occupy it
I like that, but my problem is not the negative beliefs of others, but their terrible actions. My girlfriend and I had something very special and she has said for years that I was the love of her life since high school. Now she left me and 5 days later she is spending a week with another man who is after her. How can I apply this happiness idea? It is not her beliefs that make me unhappy. It is her actions. Maybe one could say that my mind is my sanctuary and I should not allow the negative actions of others disturb it. In a sense her actions are based on her beliefs. She is really depressed about her. This has hurt our relationship. She tries to pick a fight often about anything. I try to make her feel better but cant. Then a friend of mine started calling her and had dinner with her a couple of times. She then came to the belief that was she needed was to find new love and that would make her happy. She is throwing away years of friendship and what she has always called the love of her life. So maybe I can apply the happiness idea by thinking that it was her beliefs that made her throw away something special. I can think that I cannot control her mistaken beliefs. But those beliefs had real consequences that are not just affecting my mind but my heart. She is with another man and left me thanks to her beliefs.
I like that, but my problem is not the negative beliefs of others, but their terrible actions. My girlfriend and I had something very special and she has said for years that I was the love of her life since high school. Now she left me and 5 days later she is spending a week with another man who is after her. How can I apply this happiness idea? It is not her beliefs that make me unhappy. It is her actions. Maybe one could say that my mind is my sanctuary and I should not allow the negative actions of others disturb it. In a sense her actions are based on her beliefs. She is really depressed about her. This has hurt our relationship. She tries to pick a fight often about anything. I try to make her feel better but cant. Then a friend of mine started calling her and had dinner with her a couple of times. She then came to the belief that was she needed was to find new love and that would make her happy. She is throwing away years of friendship and what she has always called the love of her life. So maybe I can apply the happiness idea by thinking that it was her beliefs that made her throw away something special. I can think that I cannot control her mistaken beliefs. But those beliefs had real consequences that are not just affecting my mind but my heart. She is with another man and left me thanks to her beliefs.
Debating her choices and your choices will only make you miserable. I've been there. Trying to figure her out, will make you more miserable.
Just as your mind is your private sanctuary, hers is as well. Trying to see into it, is a waste of time. I know you want to do something to "fix it", but a relationship is built on participation. One person can't fix it. I've tried to near insanity.
Concentrate on yourself. You are what is important.
that is her problem. it is not yours.
About relationships being on participation, I was thinking that it takes two to build a beautiful thing. If the other partner is unable then nothing can be done even if you do your very best and put all your love into it, as I did, given past mistakes on my part. I really tried this time but she demonstrated over and over that she was not able to build that beautiful relationship. Too much negative thinking about her life, mistrust, etc.