I don't think so. I live for my kids. Period. I chose to have them, so I feel that it's my duty to ensure all their needs/wants *within reason* are met.

personally, i think a parent's greatest responsibility is to show by example how to be a happy well-rounded adult. the rest will fall into place.

I use to think so.... spoiled my kids rotten over compensating for the divorce. Now that I have someone else in my life I'm seeing the damaged I have done.

My kids will always come first. They have come before me and everyone else for so long, I don't know any other way.

Why would anyone view placing your children as one of your highest priorities as "pathological"?

Do you have an example that could be construed as "pathological"?

I vote "one of". If you don't place your physical/psychological health on that priority list, you can't truly be all that you are trying to be for your kids.

As far as the term "pathological"...sounds like someone is trying to make you feel like crap again. If so, take it from the source. (By "psychological health" I wasn't referring to screwing an OW while living with the mother of his children...that's just assholic and selfish)!

I'd like to co-sign what RR just wrote.

My son is priority #1 in my life. But by doing so, his well being is contingent on mine. What kind of a father could I be if I can't take care of myself? So in focusing on my own health and well being, it has a positive impact on my parenting.

In putting our children first, it also means taking care of ourselves. We are so influential on them. Plus our kids want to see us happy as well. I don't think that's selfish at all - it's responsible parenting.

I don't know why we do this...place our kids, our families first. "I" should be first. I'm working on putting my needs(not wants) first, I have to if I'm going to take care of my children. I don't have to be their savior....they will experience pain and disappointment in life I can't save them from that. I can only control so much in this life. I don't have to be perfect or raise perfect kids. I'm taking it one day at a time, because I was developing a great deal of resentment for being forced to be a single parent.

For me I don't mean overcompensating by buying them stuff just to make them happy...that is not the answer. I guess b/c mine were/are smaller I often take care of their needs first, take them places I know they might enjoy...even if it's just to feed the ducks, just wanting to be with them (and NOT 24/7...I would shoot myself first) and showing them the world, explaining things, getting on the floor and playing with them. I thought that is what a parent did. I have learned to let go and say F*** it...and walk out the door to do something for me. I am not sure what "pathological" means (in his mind), I do take care of me and they just have to wait in the wings now. I guess I want them to grow up and make good choices in their lives and I am trying to show them that...honestly by letting them make mistakes, even at their ages. This has been bothering me some time, I just wanted to put it out there.

Oh I'm not talking about buying them ponies and whatnot, hence the *within reason*.

My ex has announced that HIS needs and wants come first. That's why he has a big screen but my son wsn't going to play hockey. I have a TV with a green spot on the left side, but the three of us went to vegas together as a family.

I'm content in renting, but the kids have no space to entertain, so I'm buying a house with a basement so they can put their stuff, such as video games, tv's, stereos there.

I work so I can't be there to drive them to baton, hockey, work, so I gave my daughter a car.

Honesty is the best policy here, in my opinion.

Being honest with yourself, when you've had enough, and being honest with them when the going gets tough...seems to work with me and my stepdaughters.

It is not pathological, as long as it doesn't become an obsession and prevent you from living, having your needs met, or meeting the needs of other people around you.

Exactly Rman! I will go without so my kids don't have to, but I will not give them things they don't "need" if it will compromise the family unit we have left. It's all about balance and understanding! Tanning bed bulbs do not come before food, period! (Yes, my Ex did that one, or go get her nails done once a week, before paying for the kids sports or music lessons, that drove me nuts) but also, I will not sacrifice health including my own for just stuff, stuff is stuff and means nothing if the person is not their to enjoy it. Sorry, writing this from my Blackberry, don't know if I am making since or not, rman is probably now telling you how I messed up another thread, oh well!

Yeay for spelling errors, I suck!