the more I think about the counselor thing, the more I like it.

this is a very good age to foster a few trusted adult (probably female adult) relationships for her. it's developmentally inline that the parent's opinions are on the back burner for her at this age. I was close with a female pastor when I was about 15, not super close but I babysat for her, we spend a lot of chitchat time in her van. her example sunk in through my shallow-yet-dense skull.

I am in the same boat over the last year. Last summer my now 14YO was sneaking out at night after I would pass out due to trying to stay up to keep her in the house. She was meeting up with boys and I learned months later drinking as well. Got her into counseling and thought that was helping. STBX started having the "new" family weekend adventures (the OW and her brat)every weekend that the girls were with him. This spring she rebelled and stole her sisters car and traveled 30 miles from home with four other youngsters before being pulled over by the sheriff. She then stopped speaking to her counselor, they have to want to go. Thought things were going better until two weeks ago when I found a pack of cigarettes in her room. All I can tell you is to stay calm. Don't yell at her just talk to her and explain your concerns and let her know that she is on a short leash for her protection because you love and care about her not to make her life hell. (although as a parent to two teens sometimes I feel like that is my reward - just kidding!!!) I told her how much I loved her but she was going to have to earn back any freedom and trust. It has been difficult as there is no coparenting going on. More like antiparenting from the stbx. Good luck and stay strong. Hugs.

im only 20

but tell her some stories about kidnappers or so on, on my my aquantances died walkin home aroun 4-5AM got hit by a drunk driver....also freaks come out at night!


tell her stories like that so she wont wana go out

I haven't even read the other replies - but I will tell you this: if you want your child to be trustworthy, then trust them. I do not believe in locking up a 16 or 17 year old child / near adult.
Let her / him make some choices.
My parents always allowed me to do what I wanted, and I was always hone in bed by 1 am (and I was still a virgin at age 20!) I credit my mom and dad for that.. Oh by the time I lost my virginity I was in college, and mom and dad didn't have to worry so much. Well,,, maybe they think I lost it when I got married - if so, lets go with that one.

I have to agree with the people that say don't lock her up... I did the same thing at 13... I think we all did.. back then it was planned tho.. today it doesnt have to be.. a spontanious text or email... lets talk at the gazebo is all it takes... she is 13... she is testing her limits.. and she is realizing not all boys have cooties...

I wouldnt buy into the she was talking to some boy about your divorce though.. she got busted and she may of tried the guilt card to get a lesser punishment... I know you dont want to hear this but for the most part.. this is normal.. it gets much worse.. wait until she starts driving

Thank you everyone for your replies and input. I do not seriously think locking her in her room is the way to go. She messed up, she knows it. She is very remorseful about what she did (or maybe about getting caught). I do think she is playing us a bit about the divorce, but she does have valid concerns, as the last time I moved out the ex tried to keep her away from me. She knows she has blown our trust, but she was begging us to believe her that she didn't have sex. Fact is, I did believe her, but we decided to take her to the doctor anyways to have the exam, thinking that she will know that we are extremely concerned over her.

In spite of everything I still think the world of my daughter. She will be grounded for a while, what I have to do is figure out how to let her regain my trust. Bottom line, she showed poor judgement, made a mistake. I don't think she will do this again anytime soon.

I feel ya...I have a 15 year old daughter. She came home yesterday talking about a new boyfriend. Turns out this boyfriend had a recent scare...a recently born child turned out to be the "other" guy's baby instead of his. Oh yeah. I told him that he was too old and mature for my daughter and they could be friends but not involved romantically. He was very respectful and honest with me. I don't think daughter really liked him as boyfriend material anyway because she and I had a nice long chat and she admitted to liking another boy but this guy was just a really nice guy and friend to her.

Raising a teenager is like trying to nail Jello to a tree. I have a 13 year old daughter and I have my fears to say the least. I have been lucky so far, from what you said she must be hurting pretty bad to take a chance like that, knowing that she could get in trouble but doing it anyway huh?

I'm with the crowd that says don't punish her too severely. You know her better than any of us, if she's a good student and otherwise a good kid, then I wouldn't worry about it too much.

I think locking her in her room is a fire hazard, no?

Oh my goodness, were they really sitting at the gazebo by the lake?

I dig that. I mean it was before curfew and all that, but I remember being young and sitting in the gazebo by the lake, seriously, that's sounds pretty healthy, x/c for the time of day, which is ... pretty common. just not all that common that she got caught. (be glad she isn't sneakier, or she wouldn't have gotten caught.) I live near that lake now. Wow. I wish I could have moments like that NOW. Those were great moments. ah, the well-behaved teenage boys that I knew in my youth. Maybe you should go Presbyterian.

also, you cannot completely control what happens at mom's. she's 13? she's *really* close to being completely out of your control. you need to be building up her own inner mechanisms at this point. again: outside female adult influences, that's my vote.

sorry for yet another comment. I loved sneaking out. it was fun. and really, nothing happened. except being soooooooooo tired the next day at work.

oh yeah that's an idea! maybe she could work next summer! that tires them out! get her babysitting a few twins or something! hee hee