Hi everyone. I just joined this board, but have been on DS for a while. I've been married for almost 4.5 years and been with my husband for 7 years. We have a 3 year old child. I truly care for my husband and really want things to work out between us. He has been verbally abusive to me in the past and can be very mean. I find him to be very selfish and he only does what he wants to do. Every weekend is filled with him doing some day-long activity with his friends and does not include us. Most weekends it's both days. I never get time for me where I can go out with my friends and take a break from it all. I'm left to take care of the house and our child. I drop him off and pick him up from daycare every day and I work full time (as well as being in school part-time). In the winter, he's out of town most weekends snowboarding. Sometimes I get to go too, but I'm still stuck in the house because the 2 year old can't ski. He hasn't been there for me emotinally either in quite some time. He'll often snap at me when I try to talk to him. If i tell him some amusing quip from the day, he will often respond with: "why should I care about that?" or "why would you think I care or want to hear it?" it has literally torn me up inside to hear that. I've since emotionally withdrawn from him, but I'm realizing that this is no way for me to live.

It really speaks volumes when his own mother and sisters have said that he can be incredibly selfish. His sisters even agree that they have no idea why I stay married to him. I love his family and they are all great and I don't want to lose them if I leave.

My other dilemma is that I don't want our child to grow up without a father around... I've asked him to consider couples counseling and he's said that he has no time or desire to go. He later said that he would go, but he will not compromise or change. He thinks it is me with all the problems and it's very easy to keep/make him happy if I change. but I worry that my changing will make me into a person that I don't want to be. I will say that there are improvements that I could make, and it's something that I want to do to be better organized but I don't think that I should have to carry the full responsibility of the household and parenting when all he does is pay the bills. Please help!!!