Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Ok so he has known for over 3 months that I feel like I made a mistake breaking up with him July and want him back. I know I hurt him by breaking up with him last July but what he is doing to me right now isn't very nice either. He has said since Jan. that he can see us together long term but hasn't decided yet if he is ready to take me back. I was starting to feel better yesterday, and today, but then I talked to him today and he was supposed to call back and didn't. I know he is busy today but it still hurt. I know he needs time to see if he can trust me again but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I was feeling better and now after talking to him today I've had another breakdown. I'm supposed to go out to a friends to watch the WI Badger game tonight but now I don't know if I can hide the fact that I've been crying VERY hard. Sometimes your face just gets puffy and red, and there is no way to hide it. I'll try though. See if I can get myself together. I have less than an hour. I could keep crying and have another really bad night. Or I could stop crying, put on some makeup and maybe at least look like I'm having fun. Some of you who have been following my posts for a while now are probably sick of hearing about it and think I should move on from him. It is not that easy. I was dishonest with him. He is skeptical. He doesn't want to hurt me and if he knew how much I was crying he probably would stop this so that I could move on. The thing is, then I'll have none of him. And right now, even though I can't have him all, a little is better than nothing at all. Isn't that sad? Shouldn't I think more of myself? You all just don't know what a good guy he truly his, I really hurt him and I really want him back in my life. Is it worth all this pain? if he takes me back, yes it is. The question I'm asking is just how long can I go like this?
Cuz sometimes we do have to go out! Hugs to you
I know what I would do, but it's not my place to tell you.
Lianna - good advice ;)
I would be thinking of myself about this time and decide I have much better chance for true happiness with someone who REALLY loves me without this guy.
I really am sorry you are going through this. You really can't change him. You can only change yourself and you DO deserve something better!!!!!!!
1. I agree with TTMI and people have told you that for quite a while now. That what he is doing now hurts you so much means he is not the good guy you think he is. If he wanted back with you, he would be back with you already. It is time for you to start moving forward in your life without him.
2. Mental breakdowns: Actually they are not known as mental breakdowns any longer. But when they were, they were a psychiatric disorder that would place a person functionally "out of order" because it would so overwhelm them and you wouldn't be on the computer posting to us if you were having a mental breakdown. If you recall, some people ended up in the mental hospitals or in hospitals for "exhaustion" as it used to be called in society. Hollywood stars used to be hospitalized for exhaustion instead of calling it mental breakdowns. You are depressed and very distressed and upset, but not having mental breakdowns. Telling yourself you are having mental breakdowns is negatively talking to yourself and you want to talk positively to yourself that you are depressed, upset and distressed, but that you will eventually get through this. Many hugs.
Sweetie, my advice to you would be to work on trying to forgive yourself for this mistake you believe you made in breaking up with him. There must have been a reason why you broke up with him, but you're punishing yourself as well, beating yourself up when you don't deserve it. Believe it or not there IS more than one right person in the world for you. I didn't want to listen when people told me not to contact my husband anymore because any time I did I just ended up getting hurt more. It actually does help breaking off contact. This is still very fresh for you but it will get better. Please believe that because it's true.
Whether he cares or not is irrelevant...he's NOT there anymore.
but i would agree that he is likely doing this to you now as a way of punishing or torturing you. he knows that you will settle for the bare minimum from him, so he is giving it to you. breaking up with someone is not an excuse for the other person to torture you. i dont know for sure the circumstances of your breakup. but i will say this: my STBXH put me through pure unadulterated hell, and i took him back readily because i WANTED him back. so to me, if he really wanted you back, he'd take you back regardless of what you've done. i could be wrong.
i hate to hear you suffering like this. please love yourself, forgive yourself, do not settle for anyone's scraps because someone who will truly love you for the long haul will NOT give you their scraps. Big hugs to you honey.
Yes! This. It's happened to me, it's happened to all of us, probably. But when someone knows they have you wrapped around their finger, they can basically do whatever they want and have no consequences. It is up to you to shut the door, and make it known you aren't going to accept the wishy-washy stuff anymore. It's been long enough for him to 'decide.' What's that saying, never make someone a priority who only treats you as an option? That's what's going on here. Unfortunately, I lived it recently as well. I finally decided I couldn't look myself in the mirror, knowing I am just letting this person dictate my happiness, while they just 'figure out' whether or not they wanted to be with me. I blocked his number, suggest you do the same. Also, I filtered his email address. Just found an email in the trash he sent me last night at 2am. I will not respond, because I want better for myself. You should too. I hope you can start to accept that this person, for whatever reason, isn't fully invested in the relationship anymore, and is just keeping you as an option because he can. I know that sucks to hear, but the sooner you take control of the situation, the sooner you can move on.
You are in kind of like a limbo stage.. let him go.. It hurts, but you are hurting right now, and it seems like you are experiencing a great deal of pain...
Let him go- enjoy your life...
You cannot pay for a mistake you made for the rest of your life...
You will be ok... Keep telling yourself that.
YOU DESERVE MORE!!!
HUGS