Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me a few days ago and it was basically out of nowhere. Our relationship absolutely amazing and we connected on every single level, we got each other emotionally and physically and enjoyed doing the same things. A relationship like ours is something rare and I loved him with every fiber of my being. He told me every single day how in love with me was and how crazy about me he was and how I was the best thing to ever happen to him. Let me also say that he struggles with pretty bad depression and has since he was a child. He was definitely struggling more than usual lately and I have been encouraging him to go back to therapy and maybe start medication again. He stopped therapy and medication years before we met though, and I've been extremely supportive of him our entire relationship encouraging to do what he thinks is best and knowing that I would help however I could. When he broke up with me his excuse was that it wasn't fair he couldn't spend as much time with me as I wanted. But I'm not ignorant of reality and realize it is not healthy to spend all of your free time with your significant other. This was the only argument we have been in, in our entire relationship. I saw him today to get my stuff and it was excruciating to see him and know that he doesn't want this relationship anymore for basically no reason. He briefly said that he wants to work on getting better but had nothing else to say to me besides he was sorry that he had to do this. I just don't understand how you throw away a perfect relationship over 1 stupid fight. I really can't stop crying
i think it's clear that this break up isn't over just one stupid fight. it seems like it's not even about you much at all. we all know that the "it's not you, it's me" scenario is very cliche and usually untrue, but in this situation it really seems like that's the case. depression makes everything feel impossible. everything in your life can start to feel constricting and like it's caving you in. in an attempt to escape depression, you will often try to escape the responsibilities that stress you out, in hopes that it will help. sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't.
it's generally not healthy for a person suffering from depression to be in a relationship. in a relationship you have to give so much of yourself to the other person, and if not careful it can be easy to give away all of yourself and all of your energy, and you end up forgetting who you really are without the relationship.
maybe his excuse is legitimate. maybe it really got to him that he can't give you everything he feels that you deserve. or maybe it's hiding something else. maybe the real reason is something that he himself doesn't even understand. but it is useless now to focus on why it ended. he made a decision, and all you can do is respect that now.
give it some time. take a week to take care of yourself and really process what happened and accept it. after you've been able to come to terms with it, it might be a good idea to check in on him and see how he's really doing, and maybe try to get some answers to the things you don't understand.
again, i am so sorry you're dealing with this. i wish i could give you a hug. but the bottom line is that you're going to get through this eventually. when any of my relationships or friendships end, it helps me to focus on what i've learned from that relationship or from that person, and what i'll take with me and move on with, rather than mourning the loss of another person in my life.
life is too short for that.