Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Can someone please knock some sense into me

ifinallygetit
ifinallygetit

I am 6 months out of a breakup with a man with serious anger issue.  He certainly has some narcissistic tendencies but I am not qualified to say he is a full-blown narcissist.


I have tried no contact and always fail.  It seems that he senses when I am starting it again and shows back up.  The joke is that he is with someone new.  He wants to be friends but I don't think I can handle it.  I just want him 100 percent out of my life.  Right now we have some financial connections (bills) that I hope we be resolved in the near future.


I want to be free but for some sick reason want his approval.  He was emotionally and mentally abusive.  I know I don't want him back but why oh why do I want his approval.  He is a sick man.  I guess that makes me a sicker person.


I am trying no contact again.  I could use some positive or honestly not so positive words to actually stick with it this time.  The only person that is hurting is me

ScorpionNM
ScorpionNM
Work out the bills with him and that is all. Then tell him goodbye and to never contact you again. You need support in your life and this guy isn't going to give you that support.
Newman2016
Newman2016
What type of approval exactly?

Why (in the past) have you ended up breaking the no-contact?
Gutted
Gutted
It's because your a chump. I mean that in the nicest, kindest way possible. There is a whole website dedicated to women who are ending relationships with narcissists, mostly narcissists who cheat. Their stories really clarified this particular dynamic for me. Visit chumplady and read some of the posts. It'll get your thinking straightened right out.

You are either unconsciously still doing the pick me dance or you just like to provide kibble. This won't make a bit of senses until you visit the site.
patti22
patti22
Because at some point along the line...he said/did something that made you feel good.

And you want that feeling back again.

Thing is...that if you felt that way once...then the feeling is inside of YOU (like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.). Once you find that...inside of you...you'll stop looking for someone else to give it to you. And you'll find peace.

It's there. You CAN find it.
Patti
patti22
patti22
So sorry to hear that Alex. So sorry. Yup, your wife would never have loved you for yourself, so you have to trick her. Must feel just great to know that you'd have never been man enough for her.

Ever hear of Harry Potter and Voldemort's story? That's what Voldemort's mother did, trick his father with a love charm.

And we all know how that turned out...
mbuelna
mbuelna
Patti is made of win. Thank you for making me smile when the world casts a dark shadow over my shoulders.
OlderCPer
OlderCPer
Alex2121 your kind of advertising is not allowed on DS and will be reported to a CL for removal.
ifinallygetit
ifinallygetit
Aww darn I was going to order my spell lol. As to some of your answers, I am a living cliche. I had an emotionally absent father and realize that is why I so desperately want my exes approval. Same as I got breadcrumbs of affection from my dad, I get it from my ex.

I have a serious disconnect remembering all the bad in our relationship. It is far from pretty and honestly I haven't been 100 percent honest with anyone including myself to how bad it was.

My ex broke me. I know that. That is what is so twisted and why I am so disappointed in myself. I should be telling him off, ignoring him but I am struggling. People with strong self-esteem and worth would be okay with that. He broke that in me and I have to build it back up.

I just needed some tough love. I know what I have to do. I luckily have not physically gone back to him as I know it would just be more of the same. It is just texting but it is messing with my head. I did therapy for a little while but it didn't help. Time to find a new therapist.

Baby steps. I know I am getting better but I am truly disappointed in myself for continuing contact.
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