@ GEM......I don't know if Verne is that aware that he looks down on certain types women. But I find this tends to happen after women t take men to the cleaners so to speak. Some women have the mind set......that their beauty will get them what they need and I find often times they are correct and so they have the mindset that they do not have to work so hard for peoples affection. If this is shown to them that its the case then its not really any fault of their own. There are some women who believe the bedroom is the place to gain what they desire in a relationship so they use those tools to put a man under their thumb (I only am going by people I have encountered and observed)...........It is really sad to see but its out there........

I know you are right charlie,
and I'm sure verne doesn't realize how he comes across to some of us. I just couldn't help myself when he made that comment.
sorry again for the rant!!!!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))0

Rant away....I don't mind at all :-)

Eh. I think Verne has just narrowed his sights and expectations.

Narrow like spider silk, but it's his choice to do so.

Communication. Mutual respect. Willingness to listen and talk.

Interdependence. Being connected in this relationship but being able to maintain individual identities/passions, etc. I think that's a hard blance to crack. People who do not fulfill their own individual interests, etc will (maybe) resent, get jealous of, etc the other person.

Look, I'm in the boat where my married friends are always asking me relationship advice and I laugh and remind them, "Remember I'm divorced, right?" But...all, in my limited experience, has been communication issues. Things that are being thought, but never said, etc.

Oh wait, compromise. That's another. But NEVER compromise your values/integrity.

I think...as I ramble here...people, in general, forget or don't accept that relationships involve WORK. They don't land on our doorstep, ready to relate...constant effort, love, attention, compromise needs to happen.

Sorry if I was incoherent :)

Well we alll knocw what happens when we expect anything whether it be narrow or wide........(disappoints vary)

I believe it helps to have things in common. My ex and I didnt like the same kind of music, movies, art, food, etc. It wasnt an issue that broke us up but didn't help matters either.

we should want our partner to be free to thrive in their home as they wish. if we give freedom, i think that we would be amazed at how happy our homes could be.

if they choose some strange or weird version of free, then we just divorce them so that they can pair up with someone else who is weird too.

I agree.....I enjoy my freedom. My husband was born in the 70s....I grew up in the 90s. That alone is a wee bit of challenge....you add that to the fact that he is Hispanic and I am Caucasion......there are bound to be conflicts of interest but it doesn't break a marriage unless you let it.

I haven't read thru all these -
I know what one doesn't look like - and I know I don't like how it feels being in it.

I have been looking for what healthy friendships look like too - I imagine its all similar.

I have seen friends that are couples and what I perceive to be healthy relationships and it seems to start off with a healthy friendship - so I guess I am going in the right direction somehow.

They seem to be good friends - always trying to make life better for the other person - enjoying each others company - not afraid to challenge each other - because as individuals they know who they are and aren't afraid to be called out.

For me, I think a big component is accountability. And communication. And being able to make me laugh. :)

I think you need to find what your limitations are and what you would want in someone - and make sure you are able to give those same things.

For example - if I want someone who is financially stable and emotionally/physically healthy, then I also need to be those things within myself. Make sense?

I think its so important to stand strong as an individual first and learn who you are too. Don't lose your voice.

xoxo

You know Verne - that is exactly the type of woman my brother seeks out. And YES I CUSS HIM OUT over it.

I adore my brother with all my heart, and it infuriates me to see him with woman that can't/won't keep a job, are all off on disability...are needy, that need to be fixed.

It breaks my heart.

Don't ask me. I thought I was in a healthy relationship (relatively speaking) until he up and left me. Little did I know I was married to a narcissist. There won't be another one for me. I quit.

My ex is a BPD. After difficulte time, only then I found out it was true that 'Birds of the same feather flock together'. We must better ourselves before we get the 'ideal' person in life.