Sadly, I can't speak on my behalf... But I have seen a healthy relationship with my parents. One thing that my dad told me was that when you are in a healthy relationship, you actually aspire to be better. I think that when you find the right person, they motivate and inspire you to be a better person for no one but yourself.

My grandfather and grandmother, whom I lived with were married for 62 years and believe it or not, I never heard a harsh word out of either of them.
I do know a lot of couples who have been married for 30 years or so. They don't seem to fight a lot.
I also know a lot of young kids as I worked at school, and they all want relationships from the time they are in 6th grade. They really have no clue about what to do with the relationship. They just want to be grown up. I feel there are going to be WAY more divorces with this generation. Also, the kids I have got to know are so self centered and want what they want right now. They will never have a marriage that will work because they only think of themselves.

Married people should care for each other, and each others feelings. You really should try to help make the other person happy as they should try and help make you happy.
You should not depend only on the other person making you happy though, because in reality only you can make you happy.

You really can have discussions without arguing, if you want to. The biggest lesson I was taught is "you can be right OR you can get along" That little saying has saved me many times with my co-workers and especially with my son who can argue anybody into the ground and win, right or wrong. I state my case, not more than 2 times and if he doesn't get what I'm trying to say, I let him think he wins because I don't really care that much about winning, and I can gather evidence to try again another day if I feel like it.
I'm sorry for rambling.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Just sharing after a hard lesson. First of all, that person has to grow up with you in unpredictable life journey, from youth to old age. Agreed with gem111, self centered person won't make up a healthy relationship. Also, you must be able to love and re-energize yourself. Otherwise, you'll be burnt out.

I think you've conquered half the battle as you know what one doesn't look like.

picture a perfect single relationship and multiply it times two people. that is what a happy relationship is.

What's a perfect single relationship look like :-)lol?

My son's great grandparents had an incredible marriage. And I don't even know if you refer to it as a marriage over it being an absolutely incredible loving, caring relationship that was also a marriage.

They both cared very much about each other, and effort was put in every day in every way. He would make sure it was not too cold inside because when she got much older, she would get some aches in her shoulders. He was careful on making sure the temperature in the place stayed comfortable.

But I LOVED that they both had activities that were individual and that the other did not do.

She had a rose garden and she worked on that and he was not welcome there. He was on the riding mower and would mow the acres of ground they had and he was happy with that and he would tinker around the patio and the porch.

They had acres of ground and they put a trailer on it and just built onto the trailer and put a building enclosed porch front and then did a patio in the back with a fish pond. They were so comfortable and so happy there.

They were in a forest and would watch the deer and other creatures in the mornings and they loved that. They would get dressed warmly and have coffee out on the patio watching all the wildlife.

She took care of him and would tell him to sit down because he's doing a lot and it's time for him to rest and she would get him a glass of cold water to drink. And she would touch his shoulder and he would touch her shoulder.

You could tell by the way they touched, the love and caring they had. They knew each other all their lives and had been married all their lives. They were comfortable money wise and in how and where they lived. They were so happy waking up to see the wildlife from the forest.

They would get together to go shopping and he would drop her off to get her hair done and then he would go off to do other errands. It was great. They were not tied at the hip every moment of the day, but they had a bond and it allowed them to be apart and do activities on their own. I know she had been volunteering somewhere for a while and would visit some of her friends too.

They has passed on, but they were to me such a great example of love, caring, and a bonding relationship and marriage.

a perfect single relationship is one where a person looks at other singles' lifestyles, gets ideas, and makes their own version.

i have known several single men who have looked for women and have been frustrated because so many single women don't have their lives together. they don't like their jobs, haven't learned to make a happy little home, don't have girlfriends, and are deeply in debt.

if we are going to attract a quality person, we have to be good for them. they will look at our lives to see how we live. if they see red flags, they will move on and keep looking.

Ty astimegoesby....I really do miss seeing those types of relationships.............Ty for sharing.

Ty for sharing Verne.....I was being a little silly in asking that question but thank you for clarifying for me :-)

Some things that come to my mind are: loyalty, honesty, and wanting what's best for each other. Being a "team" in which both partners are equals and create a shared life together that works for them (rather than a relationship primarily based on society's standards and expectations); thinking in terms of "what is best for us as a couple," rather than simply "what is best for me." Clear and honest communication. Enjoying each other's company. Many of these are things that I have realized were sadly lacking in my past marriage, but they are now ideals that I carry with me into future--live and learn :-)

i have never known a woman who wanted to be an equal.

There are many women who value equality in relationships, Verne (I happen to be one of them)...I'm sorry to hear you are not meeting them...I would say if that's a value of yours, hold on to that ideal and keep trying...

thanks, metta, but i don't want or need an equal any more since i plan to just date from this point forward. i don't want to co-habitate or marry again.

I actually feel sorry for you verne that you have never known a woman who wanted to be an equal.
To me you must be attracted to all the beautiful babes who do nothing but see how pretty they can make themselves.
There are a lot of woman I know who are equals and work as hard or harder then the men do.
I am referring to women that I know who fish their own commercial fishing boats in the Gulf of Alaska and in WA, and OR. also.
Women who work beside their logger husbands, women who drive truck along with hubby, and many more.
If You want women who look glamorous all the time, sure as heck those woman are not even thinking of being an equal.
By the way, I fished my own boat in Alaska and the states, also. The only time my hubby would let me come in his bigger, better boat was when it was time for me to cook him dinner. I know what you are thinking and YES, I caught just as many fish as he did.
When I would meet one of his fisherman friends, who always think they are so tough, I got to tell them how much harder it is to raise a kid than it is to fish. That I can say with no doubt because I had a kid after I quit fishing.

I apologize, for the rant, verne, but I do get tired of your always putting down women. Your only problem is that just because you have never met a woman who wants to be an equal does NOT mean there are not any. It just means you have not met the right ones.

i don't mean to put down women. i am only talking about my personal experiences with them. i just pick the wrong ones. it is my fault.

it is very common to meet women who are highly in debt, have depression issues, and are very nice. although they are nice and sweet and pretty, i just should have stayed away from them and seen that there would be no way to win with them.

i hope that others are smarter than i have been.

but, now, my life is great. i can date and the two of us can have a good time. i don't have to worry about her debt or depression or menopause issues because i go back home at the end of the evening.