Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Broken up and still living together

T4L
T4L

Hi everyone,



I have bee going through so much hell over the last several months and I don't know why I can't be more assertive when it comes to my ex. We were together almost 5 years! And basically a situation between her and my sister made her resent me and she wanted me to choose sides. So for the last year she's been resentful that I didn't choose sides and that my relationship with my sister wasn't damaged but ours was. So about a month ago we broke up after one of many toxic fights. However, she's currently out of work due to the pandemic and though she plans to move out, she doesn't have the finances to do it right now. We are in separate bedrooms of the house but still spend a lot of time together whether it's eating dinner or watching TV. I am currently working at home because of the pandemic and so I literally see her all fucking day. I do get out and walk the dog each day without her which is nice. I get so frustrated with her because she acts like we're still together even though we're not. For example, she always wants to know who I'm talking to on the phone or wants to hang out and do things when I do them. It's so damn annoying! I already told her I needed to spend less time with her. I don't really know what to do or how to get through this! I want to heal and move on but it's really hard still having to live together! And advice or reassurance is deeply appreciated. 

GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Oh no, that is a tough situation. Can you move out? Stay at a relative's house?

I know the lock down makes things very tough right now, but some states are opening up more... even my state, which was on one of the strictest lock downs in the country, is opening some places finally today.

I would try to move out. If not, leave the house as much as possible, spending time with family and friends. Or, just to take a drive or a long walk.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
wow, can you not designate certain parts of the house as only yours. Now, about sister. I would be careful there. Was in the same situation. My ex let his sister and family interfere too much and in the end, he lost his kids and me. I walked out after 25 years of marriage. Try eating in your room and get a TV for your "office" space. Can she not move back with her family. Stay safe and strong
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
Well it's hard to move in with this living situation but given the virus and working from home makes a tough situation harder. When we were in same house I tended to stay in my room alot. Have you guys actually chatt d about this? Sounds like she doesn't want it to end or feels there's a chance it won't. And if you ar ready for it to end maybe need some open communication on topic and the plan. Sorry very bad timing for this.
roughgoofit
roughgoofit
Oh man, sorry my friend. I can relate... My wife keeps making threats, etc... but has moved into the guest room of our house. I know it is extremely hard- believe me, I know, but taking care of yourself is something I've heard helps. Staying in your room, or going out for a walk, hike, whatever... staying active- getting involved in something you like. As long as it's something you're into. Try and stay out of the arguing, right- don't avoid, but don't welcome the difficulty either. Take care of you, be strong trying to focus inward. I'm not used to it myself- maybe not so good at it yet- but trying. I'm here to talk or listen my friend- it's really rough- and you cant bottle it all up- it's best at you.
Good for you for trying this out- I was new here about 2 months ago and found nice support here. it's nice to know others have gone through it, or can understand. Hang in there, and reach out if I can help. Take care.
T4L
T4L
Thank you all so much for your care and feedback. I do get outside daily by myself. And occasionally I leave to hang out with family. We still get into at times and I hate it. We both are toxic to One another. I am also in counseling which is helpful. I do feel I need to set more boundaries until she can move out. I hope she will be able to return to work soon so she can get out. It’s hard because we share friends that we haven’t told yet and so I feel like we are pretending to be together. I did finally change my FB status to Single and so if anyone sees it and asks I’ll be honest. I think I needed to do that to be honest with myself as well. I’m hanging in but I feel like living together is delaying healing and I hate it. But for now, I’ll keep doing my best to set boundaries and work on myself and give myself self care. Much love to you all! Feel free to reach out to me as well if you all need to talk!
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