Hello all,

I am new here and freshly broken from my break up. My now ex and I have been together for a little over a year but feels like a life time, he’s 36 and I am 30. We met online and he had recently become unemployed from his position in finance that he had been extremely successful in for 8-10 years. He did something small but stupid one month before we met and ended up losing his job due to zero tolerance. In that field, if you do something wrong you get a mark on your license. So he knew he had to search elsewhere. He had a back up opportunity in CA for his friends business  which he planned on pursuing until he met me. When we met in August, we met on bumble. He was very upfront about the potential to move there and we just met for a drink. Then we just clicked and spent almost every day thereafter together. He was torn and would say he never thought he’d meet the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with at the same time. He decided to stay here in NY for me and give the job search a try in NY because he wanted to pursue our relationship. We moved very very fast. We talk future, marriage etc. he brings it up more than me sometimes but it all just comes natural. We love each other very very deeply.

Since he now has a mark on his finance license, although many companies wanted to hire him, he kept getting rejected and rejected due to the compliance department not willing to take the “risk”. His ego and confidence dropped so low. Depression kicked in and there has been ALOT of anger which has been taken out on me. But lots of love too. he ended up getting a non related job in the financial business back in end of March. Two weeks in, they didnt realize that their personal compliance company wouldn’t be okay with the mark on his license, even though they knew it was totally unrelated and the supervisors didn’t care. So he got let go. He sunk even lower. I felt terrible. That started his next search for non related jobs in sales. He had a bunch of interviews but many people chose more experienced over him or he chose to refuse some because they were commission only or not a high enough salary or not something that makes him “passionate” about it. He also decided to pay a lawyer to get the mark removed from his license so in 6-12 months he may be able to work in the field again, a high chance and since then, the CA guy reached back out to him (it’s a friend from college) and now he is deciding to pursue this position. He spent the entire year not working at all, refusing to take a small job to get by while he searched, and now he is down to almost no money as he spent his entire savings to survive the last year. His family and friends understand where he is coming from, but also feel I am right for him. 

it is bittersweet because although I love him unconditionally and I understand how important careers are, I wish we could somehow make the struggle work here. The job across the country is not definite yet, but he still feels he wants to end our relationship because he does not feel he can give me what I deserve (engagement, wedding, baby etc.) any time in the next few years. I am having a hard time letting him go, he continues to tell me how much he loves me and would do anything to make the circumstances different. I am so confused and defeated.