Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi All,
A question about lying, but first, some history...
New relationship, sweet guy, newly recovering alcoholic (I'm 4 years clean and sober in AA), anyway he was less than honest in a few instances, trying to "spare my feelings" or "say what I wanted"...
Anyway he relapsed and got kicked out of his sober living home, anyway he tried to keep that he relapsed from me, and I know (think) that denial / lie is part of the disease of alcoholism, and I know this gentleman thinks he has to be sober to be w/ me. Yeah, that has it's own issues, but I am in Al Anon, too (thank God).
Anyway, I smelled alcohol on him and persisted on trying to ask him if he drank, when he admitted it, I said I couldn't be with someone that lies to me, it's not healthy for me.
I am not interested in someone who necessarily "looks good on paper" though let me say he is a long way from that at present.
I said I'd talk to him when he was sober, and was upset, but handled it ok. He said he'd call me when he got "straightened out", I said "no" and haven't heard from him.
An aquaintance, his friends wife, called to see how I was doing, said he was there, and that she asked him how I was and he "didn't know". I told her I wasn't going to talk to her about him, would rather talk to him directly, and thank you.
Thanks for letting me share that. I miss him and it sucks but I know it is the healthier thing to let it go. I wish he'd been honest, but I don't deserve someone to lie to me when I value honesty very highly and practice it pretty well.
If I had a way to get ahold of him I would. (I erased the girls # so I wouldnt' be tempted to call him back.)
Question - anyone else break up with someone for lying? Did you wish you'd done it sooner, or felt unsure if you did the right thing? Thanks.
A question about lying, but first, some history...
New relationship, sweet guy, newly recovering alcoholic (I'm 4 years clean and sober in AA), anyway he was less than honest in a few instances, trying to "spare my feelings" or "say what I wanted"...
Anyway he relapsed and got kicked out of his sober living home, anyway he tried to keep that he relapsed from me, and I know (think) that denial / lie is part of the disease of alcoholism, and I know this gentleman thinks he has to be sober to be w/ me. Yeah, that has it's own issues, but I am in Al Anon, too (thank God).
Anyway, I smelled alcohol on him and persisted on trying to ask him if he drank, when he admitted it, I said I couldn't be with someone that lies to me, it's not healthy for me.
I am not interested in someone who necessarily "looks good on paper" though let me say he is a long way from that at present.
I said I'd talk to him when he was sober, and was upset, but handled it ok. He said he'd call me when he got "straightened out", I said "no" and haven't heard from him.
An aquaintance, his friends wife, called to see how I was doing, said he was there, and that she asked him how I was and he "didn't know". I told her I wasn't going to talk to her about him, would rather talk to him directly, and thank you.
Thanks for letting me share that. I miss him and it sucks but I know it is the healthier thing to let it go. I wish he'd been honest, but I don't deserve someone to lie to me when I value honesty very highly and practice it pretty well.
If I had a way to get ahold of him I would. (I erased the girls # so I wouldnt' be tempted to call him back.)
Question - anyone else break up with someone for lying? Did you wish you'd done it sooner, or felt unsure if you did the right thing? Thanks.
Loved, if you have been sober via AA for 4 years and are in Al-anon then why would you be 1) dating an Alcoholic that is living in a sober "HOME" situation and 2) why would you be questioning yourself for ending it with an Alcoholic who fell off the wagon, blatantly lied about it and then switch hit on you by making his Lying about you. (the pretense to protect you, I call BS on that) I'd say it's all a deal breaker!
The monumental task of getting oneself to AA, clean and sober not to mention functional is a huge huge deal and the last thing you need to deal with is a lying manipulating practicing Alcoholic... You deserve better than that....
Sense you are an Alcoholic I hesitate to really speak my mind because I don't want it to be taken wrong but I know you are a "recovering" one and in Al-anon so I will say just 2 things. 1) If their lips are moving their lying ;) and 2) Don't let him pull that crap and make his choices about you, their not, detach and don't let it get on you.....
Kee on keeping on....
((((((big HUGS))))))
Lynne
When my ex left, I didn't know she had cheated. We were "taking a few days'. Which turned in to months, and after months, I found out that she was drinking, cheating AND lying to me about everything. So Yes, that is when I walked away. I did not look back. Wasnt easy, and every time she called and was drunk and mean, I felt another piece of my heart break, but I had to in order to live a happy sane life myself.
I have been lied to my whole life, I certainly do not want to be lied to by someone I care about and supposedly cares about me for the rest of it. I can take the truth, it is the lies that chap my hide and really lessen the respect I have for someone.
There is just no need for it. If you have to lie, then you are doing something you know, you shouldn't be.
best wishes
He's not working the steps and is in denial. He also shouldn't be in a serious relationship right now. AA tells people that.
Sorry you're hurting, but you need to leave this guy alone. Stay strong.
Hugs.