Hi RSarah, I was in bad shape yesterday, so he hung around the house when the kids came home, took them to dance and picked me up a prescription at the store. then he left and I don't know where. This morning (after finally getting some zzz's) i got up, took a shower, brought the girls to school and thought I could do this. He calls to make sure we were up ( i was in the shower my daughter talked to him) and he asked what i was doing. I don't get it. I'm not pushing him away I just don't understand this i think deep down he doesn't want it and is stubborn but stop being nice and checking up me I don't want any false hope, i don't want pity or his guilt. I have enough of my own. Trying to hug in now just doesn't seem right, I just can't even look at him when we talk because he hurt me so much and all he'll see in my eyes will be the paid that i feel. If i start thinking it will work, and doens't I really don't know what to do.

Brandy, I wish so much that my ex would have agreed to counseling. Try to get that for both of you asap. You ask how it can seem like he is doing ok. We all handle pain differently. I know that only those people closest to me ever saw mine, and even them I was afraid they got tired of it. Because he doesn't show it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it.

If you go to counseling--there is a chance it will work and that would be best for you, him, and your kids. If it doesn't--you won't hurt worse that you are now and you'll know you tried. Reading between the lines, this sounds like a good man. If I'm wrong I apologize.

How do you go on?? One breath, one step at a time, and hug your kids often. They need you. Wishing you all the best. (((Brandy)))

My husband said he is making an appointment today for counseling. Meanwhile, I don't know how to act. He slept in a hotel last night, called this morning to check if we were up (i didn't talk to him i was in shower) but my daughter told me he asked what i was doing. Do I call him, do i give him space until we go to our first appointment. I don't know what to do. If i go on today like everyday, is he going to think i don't care. I'm not being mean I just don't want to call him because i think if separtion is what he wants and not hearing from me will give him the time to think.. any thoughts am i doing this right. I had to have a tranqualizer in order to function - thank god my doctor is so understanding.

Brandy--I was in the same shoes as your husband. I was neglected, ignored, treated badly, and was in agony overt he loveless marriage I was in. I too left and then begged my husband to go to counseling with me. The few times we went, he made no effort, didnt want to hear what the counselors said and eventually gave up. Let me tell you divorce has been HELL on me AND the kids. If he had just put in a little bit of effort we could still be together and the kids wouldnt be suffering. It is my advice to you that if he is telling you he wants to work on it and wants you to go to counseling with him, you need to be very serious about it and go with him. He is not doing it just to be nice, or just because, He is doing it becasue he wants his family healthy. this is all in your court on what will happen next. Pick yourself up, get out of bed, stop crying, call him on the phone and tell him you want to make the marriage work. And it needs to be YOU that makes the effort. It sounds to me like you have self esteem issues, and tend to push him away...maybe because you felt like you didnt deserve him? I think you need both marriage counseling AND individual counseling. Get on that TODAY! You will need the individual counseling no matter what direction this marriage goes in. I am so sorry your hurting, I know this is hard and painful. I really wish you luck in all of this. *HUGS!!!!!*

redphish you nailed it on the head, earlier on he wanted the conseling i didn't think anything was wrong and how were we to pay for it. I have to talk to people i don't know, and what if that stuff hurts me down the road like divorce. Not good excuses for not going back then but didn't really see it. I am willing and able to go now. I told him this, told him i want him to move back in and we can do it together. This is what I mean by not knowing if i should call him first see if he made the appoit. or give him time to sit because he has been to worrying about me & the kids and helping us out here maybe he needs time to think. My self esteem is exactly like you said. I am so hard headed and have some kind of switch to make people not hurt me. If this was me before I would running after him, begging him, crying, kneeling. I don't know if this is what I should do.

All I know is right now I have made it through hald this day and it is getting harder. The knots are kicking back in and I already took 1 anxiety pill and don't want to take another until close to bed. If you think I should call let me know. If I should wait to here from him let me know that. If I don't hear anything at all today I will be the first to call tomorrow. I promise you that. I'm not going to let this marriage die without a fight.

" I'm not going to let this marriage die without a fight."

Best thing I've seen you post, aside from the fact that you're going to therapy together. You know him better than we do. Take some deep breaths, think some positive thoughts, and decide whether to make that call. If you make it, stay positive. If he's willing to go to therapy, he's not done. Good Luck!!

thank you so much for all of your kind words. When I get that sad coming here helps, and to know you all know and are going threw the same thing. I will be him today, and then by tomorrow i will call him. We fight, and he is a good man to try and stay with. Let's hope it can work and I can start sharing my emotions with him instead of others. The Best to everybody who feels this, one day at a time i guess weather we want to or not.

It's wonderful that you don't want to give up w/out a fight and the fact the he is willing to try counseling with you is a big sign that he is not completely ready to give up either. Express your feeelings to him, NO MATTER WHAT THEY ARE and urge him to do the same. It will be difficult at first, but it will get easier. Be careful w/the pills, sometimes they can make you feel worse..if that happens, call you dr. and slowly get yourself off and look for other ways to relax. Hugs to you

Day 5, been walking around like a zombie, crying, doing nothing. talked yesterday with him looked positive was happy. Called last night because after 5 days people mentioning where is he getting the money to move out, is he sleeping with anyone I decided to ask. totally ripped me apart, told me he took it from a small acct. we had, would give me acct # and all that. said their was no one else and said if I honeslty didn't understand why he was doing this (not money, not another girl) then i haven't been listening to him and we shouldn't even try. He is not going to screw me this isn't what its all about. Their is two sides i'm aware but I did not ask meanly. I just came out and asked. I am always sick of him thinking the worst of me and you know what? Day 6 I woke up not depressed but totatly PISSED off. How dare he think of me this shallow, I couldn't even see or hear his voice today. I made him beep in front of the house when he got the girls, and when he drops them off, I don't want him in the house. I just can't even talk to him. I will still try on this marriage, but not until we sit in front of a counselor. I am not going to get blamed and ripped apart again. The zombie state, the crying state, the pleading state is gone. Now I am just REALLY PISSED OFF.

((Brandy)) The anger will leave quickly once you realize that he was HURT by you asking if he was having an affair. Counseling is a great idea. You both seem to be willing to work on your marriage. Good luck and big hugs!

Hoez it going now