There's plenty of time later for the why why, how, when, where, who. To have reached the point where he and the woman were ready to live together, this has been going on for a good while. In a way, that gives him a head start because while you were thinking let's make this marriage better, he was thinking I want out. Along with that comes the thinking (and discussing with 'her') exactly how to handle the divorce. So you need to make up for lost time from when you were in the dark, and get ready to fight for what is yours, financially. Grab money from an account you two have together and go hire an attorney, fast, before your spouse empties out an account to start his own account to pay his legal fees out of. Remember, right now this is all new to you and your are somewhat alone, while he's been discussing it with the third party and has ideas and possibly already plans, too. I also recommend that you start talking to family and friends, right away. You need support and you need advice. Seek out the hearts of gold and seek out the smartest people you know. And so your research. I am hoping for the best for you, you did not deserve to be blindsided by lies.

Thank you! I appreciate the kindness. I am in better shape than most as we had a domestic partnership as we had both been married before. So no divorce or kids. That's a blessing. But we have the household items to split up, items that meant alot to me. I'm just in a daze right now. Telling myself to get through this hour, then the next hour...and I'm so lonely. Which I expected as I've been divorced. But I thought this was the person I'd retire with and to find this out is really hitting my self confidence and judgement. 10 years with someone and they do this. I'm can't even relate right now.

Your biggest problem isn't his betrayal, it's that he WILL be back. Mark my words on that. It may not be for a couple of months or a couple of years, but you have not seen the last of his lying butt. It would be interesting to find out if the girlfriend even knows about you. At any rate, yes, it hurts a lot to find out you've been deceived and used by someone you loved and trusted. I have been married to a very abusive man for 23 years and when he filed for divorce and served me with the papers on Mother's Day, I was mostly numb. I couldn't hate him. I was too scared. I was too hurt. Everyone on this board was shocked and astounded by the stories I told of him. Everyone told me how much better I'd be in every way without him in my life. Everyone said they didn't know how I could have put up with such an awful person for 23 years. In spite of all of that, I could not hate him. In fact, there were a few times, I would look at him with compassion and empathy and be moved to tears. What the heck was wrong with me? I got into counseling, which was one of the smartest things I did, and began working through my feelings. Now, almost four months later, I am finally starting to feel anger. I no longer feel sorry for him. I no longer cry. Right now, you are in shock. Take good care of yourself now. Cry your eyes out if you feel like it. Sleep all day. Eat a whole cheesecake by yourself. Do whatever you want when you want. In about a week or two, the numbness will start to fade and a new emotion will come in. For right now, I would get a therapist lined up right away and block him on your social media. He will be back. I've seen this happen so many times. And they usually come back just when you finally have your life back together and things are going great for you. I am so sorry this happened to you. You deserve better than this.

I hope you get some therapy going for youself
this Is too much alone, there is divorce care.org
too Which is helpful. They help with the grieving
Process. I still struggle with the betrayal.

I use to tell the women in my Divorce care group
you need to get angry to heal most were Religious
Types. A lot of us were there for infidelity also their
Was some abuse with addictions. There is usually one
selfish and broken spouse When the marriage fails.

Infidelity is not the answer or the solution To the
problem. They usually have been emotionally
Checked out for awhile and they like a nice soft
Landing. My ex had one all ready and waiting. Who
Knows what they did already.

I have gone NO CONTACT after the divorce and
Moving. We talked thru lawyers or now in the mail
In envelopes with nothing personal written HUGS

Thank you - I really needed that. I have been sitting here missing him and feeling sad. I want to hate him. But I'm not there yet - right now I am sad and miss talking with him at night. I am continuing with counciling without him. It's good to know others have made it through the sadness and there is light. I'm hoping work on Monday will get my mind off this every second. And I am so glad you are in a better place. I have a friend that had an abusive husband. She talked to me about why she stayed so long with him. And I saw pictures of when she had to go to the hospital. You are very strong to have left him. I hope things get better every day for you too!

I cried for 4 months after he left, it is a long
Recovery Journey after 30 years. I think he
had been Checked out for years. We just
going thru The motions, not ever going
forward. He Started getting mean back
in 2003 so it Had been a long time coming
and it was Toxic by the end. HUGS

I am hoping to find a support group I can attend in person. My therapist said she would look for one. The thing that hurts the worse is that he agreed to council in and sat in those sessions and said he definitely wanted to work on the relationship and wanted it to be with me. He said there was no one else. I dropped all my reservations and opened my heart back up to give him everything. We were planning a long getaway at Labor Day to rekindle the romance and I was so looking forward to that. And then - crash. Everything gone. I think it would have been easier if we had never gone to counciling. Then at least I would've have gotten excited about a new start. I know there are relationships that work but I swear, I really wonder if all men would cheat if given the chance. Why is the grass always greener with someone else for them. Thanks for your note. Getting these are great.