Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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Ok so last summer I met my current partner and we started dating.
He knew I had two children aged 10 and 11 - I am 35 and he is 36.
He doesn't have any children and he said it was something he wanted for the future.
In a perfect world then perhaps I would not have more children but if the relationship is right I do feel more settled in life and I would do that.
So the relationship has been really good for the last year - we have been on two holidays together - just the two of us. He has joined in with activities with me and the children - as we do not live together and he works long hours I guess he has not had that much involvement with the kids.
It was important for me to take the kids on holiday this year - in the past I have gone alone however now I am in a relationship I asked him if he would like to join us. He said yes cool I thought - He said he wanted to come and that was cool.
He turned up on holiday in a negative mood and half way through the week we had a bit of an argument where he said he could not do the kid thing. He was acting like he was some kind of martyr - he was like why am I taking your kids abroad when there dad doesn't. There dad does take them on holiday however this is something I wanted to do.
This has really taken me aback - like he was resentful of being on holiday with my kids - do any other men with girlfriends with kids feel this way or has anyone else experienced this.
He says he loves me and does not want to split up but how can we carry on is he does not like my kids.
They are good kids I know I am biased they have the odd bicker but on the whole they sit still at meals are not too noisey - I feel gutted as we do get on really well -
I know its a bit long but any comments will be appreciated!!
He knew I had two children aged 10 and 11 - I am 35 and he is 36.
He doesn't have any children and he said it was something he wanted for the future.
In a perfect world then perhaps I would not have more children but if the relationship is right I do feel more settled in life and I would do that.
So the relationship has been really good for the last year - we have been on two holidays together - just the two of us. He has joined in with activities with me and the children - as we do not live together and he works long hours I guess he has not had that much involvement with the kids.
It was important for me to take the kids on holiday this year - in the past I have gone alone however now I am in a relationship I asked him if he would like to join us. He said yes cool I thought - He said he wanted to come and that was cool.
He turned up on holiday in a negative mood and half way through the week we had a bit of an argument where he said he could not do the kid thing. He was acting like he was some kind of martyr - he was like why am I taking your kids abroad when there dad doesn't. There dad does take them on holiday however this is something I wanted to do.
This has really taken me aback - like he was resentful of being on holiday with my kids - do any other men with girlfriends with kids feel this way or has anyone else experienced this.
He says he loves me and does not want to split up but how can we carry on is he does not like my kids.
They are good kids I know I am biased they have the odd bicker but on the whole they sit still at meals are not too noisey - I feel gutted as we do get on really well -
I know its a bit long but any comments will be appreciated!!
It's a thought process mostly missed, or glossed over in starting a relationship, as usually the kids are left out, until a commitment is made, which I think is good, as they don't need to be exposed to the weeding out process.
In my specific case, I said for YEARS, if I ever got divorced, a woman with kids was out, as knowing myself as well as I do, I would have little to no tolerance for them. Ends up, circumstances I would have never seen coming, proved me dead wrong. I've known these kids since they have come out the birth canal, and has been nothing more than a pleasure to help them to adulthood. Do we have ups and downs? Sure, but I usually vent them to my partner, versus doing it to the kids. I raised mine completely different than we are raising hers, so there's a bit of a learning curve on my part.
My point is that there are plenty of things we think we we're ready for that we really don't know until it starts to become a reality. You can't fault a person for not knowing the future, or because they don't know how they're going to react to something they've never been involved in. You CAN fault them for diving head first into something when they should have known to slow down and think about it first..
But that's life. You have to take chances in order to really live, but when those chances affect children, you have to take extra care.
Blondo, I responded to your gloom and doom.