Do you have any children?

Sometimes.... this happens to some couples that get married very young. They grow up, and grow out, of the relationship. Want different things out of their life than when they were teenagers. Perhaps this is what happened with you two?

Look to what you want your life to be in 5 years. Make firm plans on how to get there.

The first step before any talks to him would be to make plans and research. It's not easy process. I essentially started all over with kids on my own. But I started with plans to leave and trying my best to put money away. Do you work? I never had support so can relate there. I always planned alot in my head before talking as once you do that things can go south like in my case he kicked me out and my apartment wasn't even ready yet !

Thanks all. I don’t have any children but I have a few animals. I’m hoping to have an apartment figured out so when he leaves town next time I can start transitioning away. I’m just so scared

Make your plan and prepare as much as you can before you tell him. Tell whatever support system you have. Enlist help. It will make things easier. Get a counselor and take care of yourself.

Unfortunately I have been exactly in your place but I actually married him again and now I am going through an ugly divorce. What I have learned is that if you are truly unhappy the best thing you can do for both of you is move on. It will be hard and it will hurt but in the long run you will both realize there was someone else out there that I'd a better fit for you now. We were married at 20 for 10 years divorced for 9 and remarried for 11. Not even that amount of time helped bring it back. In my case 6 months into the 2nd marriage I came to find he had changed into a mean and nasty person I had never seen before. I didnt want to remarry but was in a vulnerable place. I had been making it as a single mom for 7 years and had I pushed through I would have made it instead being stuck in an abusive marriage for 11 years that ended with him leaving me penniless without a job suffering from a back injury and financially ruined. I told him to leave but I was in the verge of suicide and since my son had already lost his father I chose him over me. Little did I know he had been cheating with my best friend of 35 years that lives up the street. My point is had I gone with how Ibreally felt I would have avoided 11 years of unhappiness. If you truly believe that he is no longer the one for you take the step and move on. Sometimes it is that person is only meant to be with you so long in life. You cant focus on hurting him. You have to live for yourself and you deserve happiness. Trust down the road he will see you were right. Do what I wish I had done; be strong take that step live for yourself and be happy.

I totally understand what you are going through. Feelings are important, but they tend to change over the course of a marriage. Do you think If those feelings have changed over time, it's probably because you and/or your spouse have not been intentional about keeping your marriage vibrant? Is there any hope to reconnect? Of course, you shouldn’t be treated terribly, if you are; a marriage should be healthy. I am just saying, if you'll simply make the commitment and put out the effort, you may find feelings that you thought were gone forever beginning to return. Any decision you make, I hope that you find peace again.