Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
here's some background: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/16788552-cant-get-past-feeling-i
After my H confronted MIL on some ratty behavior, MIL and FIL turned the focus on me and said that my family, friends and I were posting passive aggressive comments and quotes on facebook and "attacking" MIL. not at all true, but i explained to H that many things on facebook get miscontrued and maybe there was one particular instance I could address, as many times on facebook people misread things and think it's directed towards them. this has personally happened to me, oh i don't know, a gazillion times! H doesn't have Facebook so he couldn't look for himself and instead took their word and accused me of attacking his mom on facebook. She also had issues with the fact that i wasn't "liking" stuff on her page. Well, all she ever posts is pictures of her two grandsons sleeping over every weekend, so yeah...didn't feel like "liking" it.
Meanwhile, a lot of the comments H initially confronted her about centered around her role as a grandmother and how "involved" she would be. very concerning comments that felt intrusive and unfair to my own family. so after H confronted her, shocker, she began posting daily quotes from grandparents.com about the bonds between grandparents and grandchildren. since she didn't get a rise out of me then, she really ramped it up with quotes about relationships and how you have to walk away if you respect yourself, etc. fine, no big deal. i get it and i just start ignoring her, not mentioning anything to H, who at this point, i was still seeing on a weekly basis for "dates" as our counselor suggested. then her crazy old aunt starts in and makes comments on my friend's pages (they had ended up friending my bridal party). last straw for me, i block all of the family and respectfully ask my bridesmaids to do the same, which creates a whole new storm.
this happened a couple of months back. my MIL finally defriended my mom about a month ago, but crazy old aunt and SIL never did. earlier this week, a post shows up on my mom's newsfeed. it's posted to crazy old aunt and SIL's pages, from my MIL. she writes "ironic!" above it and it says, "relationships fail not because they weren't meant to be, but because one person gave up." okay so ironically this is exactly how i feel about H since he refuses to go to counseling!!
i have some temper issues so i send H a text message saying that it seems as though his mom has something to tell me and is doing it via facebook and to please have her contact me directly as we clearly need to talk. he writes back telling me that no, he had asked her to post that on purpose, to "prove a point." so of course i write back with "thanks, but i already know you're married to mommy and this marriage was the biggest mistake i could have made. didn't need an extra illustration" ouch. i was just in a blind rage over that since the biggest issue has been that he puts his mom ahead of me in our marriage. he denies that, saying that well i confronted her and that should show you that i put you first, but.... no, sorry, if you're getting your mom to post things on facebook to "teach me a lesson" then clearly you two are a team.
i am still feeling so betrayed. the conversation continued where i basically told him that i felt like it was him and his mom against me and that's how it would have always been. then he throws in that our relationship was the best years of his life and that he'd been looking through the wedding pictures and was hoping we could somehow fix our marriage. that was two days ago and now he says i've screwed up any chance of us getting back together because of what i said.
i'm devastated. i'm sick over what i said to him (regretting our marriage). i don't necessarily want to get back together, but i feel sick that i hurt him so badly.
sorry thanks for reading. i guess i'm not really asking for advice or anything, just... needed to get it out.
After my H confronted MIL on some ratty behavior, MIL and FIL turned the focus on me and said that my family, friends and I were posting passive aggressive comments and quotes on facebook and "attacking" MIL. not at all true, but i explained to H that many things on facebook get miscontrued and maybe there was one particular instance I could address, as many times on facebook people misread things and think it's directed towards them. this has personally happened to me, oh i don't know, a gazillion times! H doesn't have Facebook so he couldn't look for himself and instead took their word and accused me of attacking his mom on facebook. She also had issues with the fact that i wasn't "liking" stuff on her page. Well, all she ever posts is pictures of her two grandsons sleeping over every weekend, so yeah...didn't feel like "liking" it.
Meanwhile, a lot of the comments H initially confronted her about centered around her role as a grandmother and how "involved" she would be. very concerning comments that felt intrusive and unfair to my own family. so after H confronted her, shocker, she began posting daily quotes from grandparents.com about the bonds between grandparents and grandchildren. since she didn't get a rise out of me then, she really ramped it up with quotes about relationships and how you have to walk away if you respect yourself, etc. fine, no big deal. i get it and i just start ignoring her, not mentioning anything to H, who at this point, i was still seeing on a weekly basis for "dates" as our counselor suggested. then her crazy old aunt starts in and makes comments on my friend's pages (they had ended up friending my bridal party). last straw for me, i block all of the family and respectfully ask my bridesmaids to do the same, which creates a whole new storm.
this happened a couple of months back. my MIL finally defriended my mom about a month ago, but crazy old aunt and SIL never did. earlier this week, a post shows up on my mom's newsfeed. it's posted to crazy old aunt and SIL's pages, from my MIL. she writes "ironic!" above it and it says, "relationships fail not because they weren't meant to be, but because one person gave up." okay so ironically this is exactly how i feel about H since he refuses to go to counseling!!
i have some temper issues so i send H a text message saying that it seems as though his mom has something to tell me and is doing it via facebook and to please have her contact me directly as we clearly need to talk. he writes back telling me that no, he had asked her to post that on purpose, to "prove a point." so of course i write back with "thanks, but i already know you're married to mommy and this marriage was the biggest mistake i could have made. didn't need an extra illustration" ouch. i was just in a blind rage over that since the biggest issue has been that he puts his mom ahead of me in our marriage. he denies that, saying that well i confronted her and that should show you that i put you first, but.... no, sorry, if you're getting your mom to post things on facebook to "teach me a lesson" then clearly you two are a team.
i am still feeling so betrayed. the conversation continued where i basically told him that i felt like it was him and his mom against me and that's how it would have always been. then he throws in that our relationship was the best years of his life and that he'd been looking through the wedding pictures and was hoping we could somehow fix our marriage. that was two days ago and now he says i've screwed up any chance of us getting back together because of what i said.
i'm devastated. i'm sick over what i said to him (regretting our marriage). i don't necessarily want to get back together, but i feel sick that i hurt him so badly.
sorry thanks for reading. i guess i'm not really asking for advice or anything, just... needed to get it out.
and yes, in fairness, i should have confronted my MIL, not have my H do it, but i thought it would carry more weight if it came from him. i figured that by having him confront her, it would show that his primary loyalty has appropriately shifted from his mom to his wife and that her behavior would not be tolerated.
It seems that fb is an issue and drama anyways.
1) your marriage is between you and H
2) your issues should not be broadcast over fb
3) your H needs to understand this is wrong
4) H needs to say how he feels toward you to you not to family then have them post it
5) clearly he sees this is drama and likes it otherwise he would not be acting like he is in HS
Sorry to sound like a "B" but I to at one time have had my H family butt in our marriage and life, which is a big reason we are getting divorced. He needs to cut that string.
Christy
I have had to delete, and block some family members, because I do not like hearing about all the graphic sexual encounters of a 13 year old girl. And there were others for various reasons.
I actually stayed away from Facebook, because of my ex Phoebe, and because I was depressed, and could not handle it. also have not watch the news whatsoever for 3 months and better of for it. I think many thing we have to pull back form. i think you need to do the same. You cannot control other people. You can only control yourself, so either you delete your account, back of ons some of your Meme's, or just not use it for that reason. It is on you. Only you can change you, and your interaction on Facebook, for they will not change,e and it will always be the same.
if I do go back, i think I will primarily focus on PR for my band, and my business in the future. i actually made myself a promise to chill out on controversial political discussions, and arguing with others on Facebook. My friend liked to get me all riled up on purpose, because he was bored, and liked arguing with me. He still did it, but now i do not bother, and just screw with his head, instead, and make jokes.
So yeah please remember, that you can only change how YOU interact on Facebook, and you will never be able to change any of these people. Sometimes you just have to let it be., or like you MIL block her wall so you do not see all her self righteous garbage. That is what i do for my one sister, because it is like 100 of these stupid Meme's a day to be a bette person, except she is flaky,and does not follow any of it, but i guess by posting it, it is suppose to change you. LOL
There is a problem with a person who cannot talk with you via phone or in person. It is their problem to resolve, but is a definite end to a relationship. He can resolve it, but it takes hard work from him and he can't be lazy in doing it. He has to put himself and you first and work hard in counseling just to learn to communication by phone and in person. If he has that problem, he should tell you and let you know where he going to get help, and then get that help to be able to communicate with you by phone and then in person.
Once he can communicate by phone and in person, THEN you two can get into counseling for the problems of the marriage and what his family is creating. I believe it would ultimately mean when he gets completely on his feet, to move away to keep his family away from the home and out of your lives and allow him to work on his independence from his family.
Right now, block them all and have your parents and bridemaids block them all. None of them should be including them in this and they show mental health problems by attempts to drag your family and bridal party into this.
I'm sorry you're going through this. You didn't cause any of this and he needs a strong wakeup call.
i found out about the post because i'm temporarily staying with my parents (mid-life career change that had me back at school full-time so i've been out of any type of substantial work that i can support myself with... i'll be done with my program this fall). anyway....my mom just never bothered to defriend the aunt and SIL and since MIL posted to their pages, it showed up in my mom's newsfeed. she knows i'm staying here and would see it on my mom's page so...yeah... she's pretty clever about being how to get
to a previous poster - we dated for a little over a year before getting engaged and got married a year later. i did know her history but she presented herself as if she loooovved me so much and was so glad that i was in her son's life. it wasn't until we got engaged that she started basically telling me how things were going to be. things got worse and worse even up until the wedding and that's kind of when i started to lose it.
i should have been speaking up for myself as these comments were being made and making me feel uncomfortable. i should have things like, "well what do you mean by that?" or "no, sorry MIL that won't be happening." i just tried to overlook too many things to not create any tension, and, obviously, that didn't work.
we are definitely getting a divorce. i called both of them sick for teaming up and using facebook to "trap" me and "prove a point." i also said i regretted marrying him (not true, but spoken in the heat of the moment). it's like salt in the wound after he turned on me before. it just proves that yeah, his priority is his mom and not me.
it all leaves me feeling scared and alone and wondering if i'll ever find the right guy for me.
I have read your posts and I'm sorry this is all still going on. I feel Facebook is part of the problem for many relationships. People can post without thinking first.
There is just to much bad stuff going on with him, his family and you and your family. I'm glad you are going to end it. No one wants to work on it in person, everyone just wants to hide behind Facebook and that is childish.
I wish you luck.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))