Today I went to the court and revoked the 'mutual' divorce agreement I had signed with my stbx on the basis that he wasnt happy with me and never will be, despite all efforts for me to reconcile. When I found this 'unhappiness' was a facade to hide the true reason for which he wanted me out--another woman, I decided I want to be fully compensentated as per law. The mutual agreement gave me almost nothing. The emotional abuse he put me through by using all kinds of abusive words; blaming ; threatening had left me as an emotional wreck and I signed on whatever he'd decided which was barely anything for me.

With treatment for a severe depression , I felt I had evolved stronger to deal with this and decided to put things right for myself by legally fighting, if need be , for my rights. Revoking the mutual agreement was the first step and I felt a sense of a small win.

Then today itself I was told how much fees I need to pay for my daughter's new school. As per the ld mutual agreement ( and the new one I am drafting), he 'd agreed to pay for all her education. So, gulping my fear and ego, I sent him an email informing him about the fees ...but no reply from him.
Seems he would have known of the latest legal development and knowing him, he might have decided he wont pay even for my daughter's fees. Worst case, I'll have to ask my parents to pay--something I feel awful to do -- and pay them back later. He's so shrewd and cold-blooded I have a sickening feeling in my stomach he has plans to outwit my lastest step of revoking the earlier agreement.

And while a legal battle to fight for my justice is what I want, I am doubting my capacity to fight . I am feeling scared and anxious ...would I have the necessary strength and courage to fight this monster ??!!