Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi everyone. I read this forum regularly, but this is my first post.
My boyfriend of 7 years (on and off) and I broke up over a year ago. It was a mutual decision. I still loved him, and it was very hard for me to get over. I chose to not deal with my emotions. I just moved out of our place and the day I left is the last day I saw him. In August of 2013, I finally hit the wall. I thought I'd made a huge mistake, that we should get back together, etc. He, thankfully, said he didn't think it was a good idea. Because it wasn't. I know I don't want to be with him, I guess I just hit my breaking point and tried to go back to what was comfortable.
Since August, I've been recovering and trying to deal with the end of a 7 year relationship, although, to be honest, it ended mentally way before that. Since our breakup, I have moved to a new city, gotten a new job, and started making new friends. This is where my problem comes in.
There is a sweet guy I work with. We've become friends. In my line of work, the hours are so long, everyone from the office usually hangs out together outside of work. So "Jason" and I started hanging out, in groups, and by ourselves at lunch. At any rate, he ended up telling me he has feelings for me. He is four years younger than I am (I'm 28), and we truly have nothing in common on a romantic level. My response, to let him down gently, was, "I don't date people I work with." And this is true! I would never. But I guess that gave him some hope for the future. Next thing I know, he's casually telling me he's looking to join another firm. I was stunned.
Anyway, Jason has said several times that he knows I'm not interested in dating him. The problem is, I *am* interested in dating one of our mutual friends. He worked here, but doesn't anymore. I know "Adam" through Jason. I really like him, and I think he feels the same way. We've been out a few times, and it got to the point where we felt we should tell Jason what was going on. I volunteered. He didn't take it well. He told me he didn't want to be my friend anymore. I am sad but okay with it, because I never once gave him any impression I wanted to date him or anything. I am okay with losing a friendship with him because if all he was being my friend for was the potential of dating me, I guess he wasn't really a friend.
But I am so afraid Jason is going to cut Adam out of his life too, and I have no idea how to handle it. These things can't end well, right? But neither one of us want to stop seeing each other. He is the first person since my breakup that I geuinely see potential with and just seeing him brightens my day. He's just a wonderful person.
Long story short, I thought I was doing the right thing by being honest with Jason. I don't want to ruin a friendship, but I also don't think it's fair for someone I've never dated to try to dictate who I can and cannot see. I understand it's a crappy situation, and I wish it was different. But it is what it is, and I just want everyone to walk away happy. I don't think that's going to happen though.
Advice? Thanks.
My boyfriend of 7 years (on and off) and I broke up over a year ago. It was a mutual decision. I still loved him, and it was very hard for me to get over. I chose to not deal with my emotions. I just moved out of our place and the day I left is the last day I saw him. In August of 2013, I finally hit the wall. I thought I'd made a huge mistake, that we should get back together, etc. He, thankfully, said he didn't think it was a good idea. Because it wasn't. I know I don't want to be with him, I guess I just hit my breaking point and tried to go back to what was comfortable.
Since August, I've been recovering and trying to deal with the end of a 7 year relationship, although, to be honest, it ended mentally way before that. Since our breakup, I have moved to a new city, gotten a new job, and started making new friends. This is where my problem comes in.
There is a sweet guy I work with. We've become friends. In my line of work, the hours are so long, everyone from the office usually hangs out together outside of work. So "Jason" and I started hanging out, in groups, and by ourselves at lunch. At any rate, he ended up telling me he has feelings for me. He is four years younger than I am (I'm 28), and we truly have nothing in common on a romantic level. My response, to let him down gently, was, "I don't date people I work with." And this is true! I would never. But I guess that gave him some hope for the future. Next thing I know, he's casually telling me he's looking to join another firm. I was stunned.
Anyway, Jason has said several times that he knows I'm not interested in dating him. The problem is, I *am* interested in dating one of our mutual friends. He worked here, but doesn't anymore. I know "Adam" through Jason. I really like him, and I think he feels the same way. We've been out a few times, and it got to the point where we felt we should tell Jason what was going on. I volunteered. He didn't take it well. He told me he didn't want to be my friend anymore. I am sad but okay with it, because I never once gave him any impression I wanted to date him or anything. I am okay with losing a friendship with him because if all he was being my friend for was the potential of dating me, I guess he wasn't really a friend.
But I am so afraid Jason is going to cut Adam out of his life too, and I have no idea how to handle it. These things can't end well, right? But neither one of us want to stop seeing each other. He is the first person since my breakup that I geuinely see potential with and just seeing him brightens my day. He's just a wonderful person.
Long story short, I thought I was doing the right thing by being honest with Jason. I don't want to ruin a friendship, but I also don't think it's fair for someone I've never dated to try to dictate who I can and cannot see. I understand it's a crappy situation, and I wish it was different. But it is what it is, and I just want everyone to walk away happy. I don't think that's going to happen though.
Advice? Thanks.
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A true friend is honest with another friend, so if his reaction was to cut you out (along with possibly Adam)? Then that's his choice and its something you don't have control over, just as you don't have control over everyone's happiness, aside from your own.
So, you handled it as a mature person would and in that, know that you did the right thing by being honest, know that his reactions are on him and then let things be how they will be.
Best of luck to you and Adam!
It is not right for someone to be controlling as to who you can be friends with or not associate with especially when you weren't in a relationship with them anyway. If Jason cuts Adam out of his friendship realm, that is nothing you should feel responsible for. This is between them. Sounds to me this is sheer jealousy on Jason's part. Just my 2 cents worth.,
Thanks, again!