Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I contacted my ex a few nights ago. He responded, and that was ok. I am ok with that. But this morning I was on my way to my therapist who I began to see because he brake up with me and detailing the reasons why that needed to happen. I saw him out of the corner of my eye and incidentally he was coming from his therapy session. He dashed behind a bus stop sign. He thought I did not see him, but I did. And kept walking like I didn't see him. Is that even adult behavior? Is this the way we are going to live? If so, I am fine with that too. I'll pretend we never met. Is that the answer? Wow. The thing about this guy is that I basically felt/feel 1000% invested and commited to him! And he broke up with me after I had broken up with him at least 5 times before. But my braking up with him never stuck because he persuaded me I was making a mistake. "just give it time", "we care about each other too much" etc. and now he is going to hide between cars, bus stops and stuff if he sees me walking by? I'll get over him soon enough but I would like to think that the man I loved has more integrity than that. Or maybe he is doing it for my sake? I don't know.
However...
Yesterday, I placed my profile on Match.com because I need something or someone to help me to not think of him anymore. Just friendship and getting to know people without the risk of any attachment, and no intimacy whatsover! The problem is that every one of these guys, I compare to P. Nobody will measure up in my mind. I just want the exact replica of him but one that loves me and wants to be with me. It's hopeless.
You want someone that loves you and, wants to be with you, are you prepared to be proactive with regards to teaching someone how to love you, or do you expect them to love you because that is what they are obliged to do?
Are you a self-loving person? If no, then you are almost certainly going to get the exact replica of him irrespective of who him is.
Your head and gut know the truth, they do not all
Agree or talk to each other. This is the time you need
to heal Yourself and your heart before thinking of
dating.
I am glad you are in therapy that helps a great Deal
and joining a breakup group would help you Too. Its
Too bad he is your neighbor, that would be As bad as
dating Someone you work with. This sounds worse.
I am total no contact with my ex, it helps me heal
and i moved out of town so i didn't have to see him
And his family all the time. I get a stab in my heart
From the betrayal when i go by my old house and
her car is there that is bad enough. HUGS
I'm going to try meditation. Therapy seems pointless, rehashing the same stories on all the difficulties we had and how I was abusive and so on. It does not help. What would really help, is for him to understand that I was in a low point in my life while we were together and that I can change. Maybe not for him at this point but I can change and will.
Healing is such a weird word to me. I keep repeating the same old bad habits with men. I love them, they love me, and then I explode into an unrecognizable version of myself leading them to leave me. As if I cannot handle the relationship or am too needy, angry or avoidant to cope.
I'm afraid I lost the love of my life over that. I wish I could move away and start over like you did.
I still work at the same place, the same car. I Live
where all the shopping is so i do see a lot of People
from where i lived before which is nice.
Between the divorce and moving from where i
lived for 30 Years they were big enough adjustments
and changes for me for awhile.
I still go to alanon and therapy and have been for five
Years. I needed plenty of help, love and support for
My own codependency issues. HUGS