It sounds like you might already know the answer but might not like it. I can relate to that feeling.

You mentioned it's only been a month and you know it isn't that long. It isn't. It isn't long enough to build trust, the type of trust needed for deep intimate connection. This is the honeymoon phase where all those feel good hormones are firing off and it feels oh so good. I love that phase. I am addicted to that phase. And I have really made some huge mistakes confusing that for healthy bonding.

Give him space to figure out what he's doing with his ex. He needs to have a clear understanding of that situation and the boundaries necessary there. Otherwise, you could end up in a love triangle and those are really damaging. I have been in them and nearly lost it all.

I relate to feeling that amazing feeling of "the one". It's going to take some grit and focus to walk away from that. I have abandonment issues, love addiction, codependency, ... it makes bonding and falling in love a nightmare. One of the things that helps me put the brakes on is to tell myself the other person hasn't earned the privilege of my attachment to them. They need to earn my trust first and then they can have my vulnerability and attachment. In the past I would just attach to anyone that felt good even if the alarms were going off that something wasn't right.

A month isn't long enough to really know someone very well. And you already know one significant thing: he's willing to go back to his ex. That's a huge thing to know.

Hi mutation

Thanks for the helpful advice. I too have issues when it come to relationships, I believe that if I tell I guy how I properly feel they will leave me or I will be vulnerable and lose control. I didn't tell him how I properly felt throughout even though he kept telling me how much he cared about me and wanted a future. He kept saying he didn't know how I felt etc and now I am
Kicking myself that I wasn't more honest and upfront instead of playing hard to get

Is there any point in me trying to salvage this? I know what you mean it's not a long time but he's such a good guy and I don't want to lose him

It isn't your fault. I actually think it was healthier for you to be reserved and hold back. A month is not long enough to determine things like wanting a future together. If he wants that why is he already back with his ex? That's not stability or living with intention. He needs clarity on his situation with his ex and the child so he can either commit to that or have closure and boundaries. You deserve the stability and safety that comes with trust.

"The Abandonment Recovery Workbook" has been really helpful to me in understanding how I operate within relationships. So has understanding attachment styles. This is a great starting point with attachment styles:

http://www.psychalive.org/what-is-your-attachment-style/

I'm not sure if attempting to salvage the romantic aspect is good or not. Maybe take a step back and see how the other aspects develop. Get to know him better. I see a red flag with his willingness to go back to the ex. I've been through this and it's hell. He needs clarity, closure and boundaries before starting something new.

He's a great guy?

He's toying with the both of you until he makes up his mind as to what HE wants.

I'd say "I'm not a toy and I don't appreciate being used when your obviously invested elsewhere"

I'd tell him not to contact me again because Im not looking for someone who still has feelings for someone else.

But that's just me.

Some people like playing games like that

I don't. He'd be history.

If you have Sex too early. It messes up your thinking
and Feelings. First Get to know someone as a friend
Not a lover, truly just date for awhile. HUGS

My advice is the 180. I'm not sure if you can google it but it's on the survivinginfidelity.com in their "Healing Library". It basically tells you to work on yourself because yo can't control what the other person will do. And sometimes trying t get them back has the reverse effect. Sorry there's no easy answer for you. Hugs!

I think this period of time being apart may turn out to be a blessing. That way you are giving him space to evaluate his feelings & priorities, and for you to take a step back to think things through if this is the right guy for you. If you try to look at it from a positive perspective, it's better that this is taking place now after one month, or it is going to hurt you more further down the road. Sending you hugs. Hang in there.

Thanks guys, really appreciate the helpful advice. Breakthrough13 I agree with what you're saying, I have been texting him all day asking questions and telling him I'm heartbroken (probably not the right thing I know but I'm an emotional mess) he keeps saying he didn't know I felt that way and he had very strong feelings for me, but this is something he needs to give a go especially for the little girl. It's so hard because I cannot complete with a long term relationship and a child whom he loves. I have wished him all the best and told him I won't be in contact but it's so hard not to want to pick up the phone. Do I just not contact him completely now?

DO NOT CONTACT HIM.

Under any circumstances.

Sorry for the caps, but I can't impress that upon you enough.

Honey, he had his little fling, he's moved on and trying to let you down easy.

Don't turn yourself into an obsessed stalker.

It sucks, but you have to move on.

Hes a player. You can do better.

Find someone who's only into YOU

The fact that you are even considering still contacting him, when he has chosen and is sleeping with another woman, says therapy might not be a bad idea.

SassyGrace, I appreciate your strong advice, however think that it's slightly harsh to say I need therapy and also he isn't a player, and it wasn't a fling. Getting back with her was not planned.. I know this for definite.

I'm sorry, but I think my advice is appropriate.

If you can't see something off in wanting to contact him at this point, it's definitely appropriate.

Remember, soon you won't see him again till August. Do you really want a relationship with someone where you don't have in-person contact for 6 months? And who said point blank that they're going back with their ex? Who knows, he might meet someone else entirely in those 6 months of being away. That's not really a relationship. That would be you putting your life on hold for someone who is unavailable on two counts - 1. he's giving his ex another try, 2. he's in a different country. I think no contact is best. Busy yourself with other people and interests, let time mend your broken heart, and let this guy go.