Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I know this may not be the right forum to post this, but other going thru or may have had this experience may relate and can help me. I am at a complete loss and with all that is going on I give up. I just can't take the stress anymore. Basically, I need help with my kids. They are acting out and it's only progressively getting worse. I try to discipline them and I basically get no or little help from their dad (we are divorced and living in the house for now). I tried today to nip the 3 year old's behavior in the bud, and he didn't say one word, which started me yelling at him that he needs to do something to back me up. Basically the 2 kids ages 7 and 3 need counseling, I believe, but I am wondering if any other parenting styles may work for the younger. I have tried time-outs, yelling, taking things away, last resort a spanking, but nothing is working. The child is angry and probably picks up on what is going on at home. We have no other kids for him to play with and I work long hours so doing it after work/school is really not much of an option. He is in daycare and is around kids his age. I don't know. I am just at a freaking loss. I picture the future and it doesn't look good if I can't get it under control. I am embarassed and was not brought up the way the kids are portrayed. He was a kind child a year ago and now he's three, and all hell has broken out. The 7 year old craves attention and since his younger brother came about, he has gotten worse...constantly picking on him, goading him, which in turn gets the 3 year old fighting with him. This goes on all day.
If someone has any advice or can please help me. I am looking for agencies but I don't know where to turn anymore. Thank you.
If someone has any advice or can please help me. I am looking for agencies but I don't know where to turn anymore. Thank you.
I tried to get her help and it turns out she is bipolar as well as oppositional defiant disorder( didn't know that one at the time). I tried every parenting method out there and ended up having to send her to 3 different boot camps ( not the best idea). It took so much time that the other 2 kids became resentfull that she disrupted the whole family and it was all about her!
Make sure your 3 year old doesn't or does have a disorder. It will not cure the situation, but help you understand the situation better.
Best wishes as I know how difficult this situation is (((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))
When I was at my wits' end one day (when my first child was driving me around the bend) a very wise mom of 5 encouraged me saying,
"A bad mom throws her kids through the window.... a good mom only thinks of doing it."
well.... now my kids are 22 & 23 and they love their Mom and we have a good relationship.... their dad (my separated H) is another story... they see him for what he is: a man who acts like a child.... H was a pushover while I was the disciplinarian...
I remember telling my kids when they were young, "Guys, I didn't take this job on as a Mom to win a popularity contest. I love you so much that I am going to be your mom, not your best friend." They used to say things like, "Mom, you are so mean! You're the strictest parent in our whole school! whine whine"
Now they thank me for sticking to my guns, setting boundaries with them, establishing ground rules and enforcing consequences...
They have even confessed that often times they would push my buttons to see how far they could go ...what they could get away with... yeah i made mistakes...
i grew up in an abusive home where alcoholism, sexual, emotional, physical, and mental abuse was common... a large family .... and even larger extended family... mother screamed to get our attention... i knew i needed help desperately as an adult to work on my own wounding... then when i became a mom and ended up being with an irresponsible H who sometimes acted younger than my own kids... i knew i needed counselling...
man did i need help!
and i am thankful to this day for all the help out there!
so don't be embarrassed! you are a good mom... you love your kids so much your hear breaks...
if you want to know some of the resources i sought out as a mom, feel free to PM me.
What works best with my two kids, are punishments that are 'all or nothing'. In other words, if they're fighting, they Both get sent to their rooms. Or bedtimes are earlier for Both of them. I don't get drawn into the 'he or she started it thing'. Bad language is not acceptable....for any reason. So if he hits her.....she has to respond appropriately, or they're Both in trouble.
But what worked more than punishments was a Reward Chart. The kids got to fill in circles (or anything) until a chart was filled up. Then they got a small reward....like a matchbox, a game to play, some stickers....whatever. For a time...that was my lifesaver!!! I worked it so that only behavior that I caught them doing got a star. In other words, they couldn't decide to say "please' a dozen times to get one. But being nice for something did. I found things Every day to reward them for. And made Sure that they'd fill up a chart a couple times a week. (If you can't find Anything your kids are doing right....then you're not paying enough attention.)
good luck, I KNOW how hard it is.
Patti