Well, three times and not a charm.  Everyone is different... each with their own perspective, maturity, etc.  Bottom line, to err is human.. to forgive devine (others and yourself) There is a line you just dont cross, and it takes two to hold that line.  Seems it is human nature to takes things for granted and become too familiar. Holding the line of trust, respect, friendship, appreciation, and endearment..., protects the core of marriage, ..... whata shame that the cost of our learning is sometimes we lose what we love.  Gotta keep that glass of goodwill filled.. never let it run dry.. marriage is about joy, hapiness, laughter, love and interest of one another.  For those of you who have a spouse who seemingly suddenly checked out of your marriage... I share your pain.... so much loss, so much investment... seems like a never ending bad dream. If they will not go to counceling... then let them go... cause they are already gone.  It sucks, ... but if you keep pursuing them they will so to say kick you harder and harder until you get it. Like they say, let them go... if they come back it was meant to be.. but dont wait or count on it.  I messed up my first marriage.. just youthful immaturity, my second wife cheated on me during her post partum depression, my third was both our faults... so we got remarried... then came her mid-life crisis .. plus we both crossed that line too often.  Well, I suppose this too shall come to pass.  If you want to know why people do what the do.. the answer is because they want to, and thats simply it.