Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Not my ideal living situation but my exH and I are still living together as a lot still needs to be worked out, incl child custody. He informs me today, upon just a quick question to him, that he will be going away for a week (with his OW)....wth? I thought we are sharing parenting duties, and mind you when I say he does very little, lately, in this department. He knew he was going and neglected to communicate with me such. If nothing else so I know in case I am running late from work, so I have backup coverage. Don't tell me a week before you have this planned. I still do everything...get them up in the morning, get them fed and ready for school/daycare, and he picks them up half the time. He wants 50/50 custody yet tell me how he can do it with his schedule of 24 hr calls, overtime, 10 hour shifts...nothing is written in stone and set with him, yet I am supposed to accomodate him whenever he wants.
Before you say anything, this result is really my fault, as I have not told him I just do what needs to be done for the kids bc I want full primary custody. I figure let him dig himself in a hole. But I think because of this he assumes or has taken advantage, and continues. I let him have it today, telling he needs to consult with me on such trips or issues when it comes to parenting our children and not assume I have nothing to do but be with them or can accomodate him on short notice. I am willing to be flexible but geez, he is just something else. And to boot my kids are too little to even notice. I take the high road for them but know I am wrong doing so here. They should not have to suffer bc we cannot get it straight. Also I have tried to talk to him on occasions about this and get no response. I cannot wait until I can get out of that house and he could see what it is like raising 2 little men all alone. Ugggghhh...just a rant but if anyone has any ideas feel free to share. Again, I know I am wrong and feel I have created this situation, partly, bc of not saying something sooner, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Before you say anything, this result is really my fault, as I have not told him I just do what needs to be done for the kids bc I want full primary custody. I figure let him dig himself in a hole. But I think because of this he assumes or has taken advantage, and continues. I let him have it today, telling he needs to consult with me on such trips or issues when it comes to parenting our children and not assume I have nothing to do but be with them or can accomodate him on short notice. I am willing to be flexible but geez, he is just something else. And to boot my kids are too little to even notice. I take the high road for them but know I am wrong doing so here. They should not have to suffer bc we cannot get it straight. Also I have tried to talk to him on occasions about this and get no response. I cannot wait until I can get out of that house and he could see what it is like raising 2 little men all alone. Ugggghhh...just a rant but if anyone has any ideas feel free to share. Again, I know I am wrong and feel I have created this situation, partly, bc of not saying something sooner, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
He is taking advantage of you, now during this separation/divorce situation, for sure.
He still has you in the house, he still sees the boys whenever he chooses, if he chooses.
He still has you to fall back on, in his mind, every time he is doing something else.
I'm not gettin this! Forgive me, but I'm just not following! I mean, you have said several times, it's your own fault. My thinking is that you are saying this cuz you realize you do have some choices.
Yet, at times, I'm getting that you have no choice, and you have to stay for financial reasons, until he's good and ready, to let you go!
So my confusion lies with:
Do you just hang around forever, with no time line?
How long has it been?
What exactly are you getting out of hanging around versus getting your own place?
The only thing we've talked about is the screwed up law in your state. But certainly, there have got to be some kind of angles which still need to be investigated. I know money is a huge factor, but your happiness along with the kids' happiness is also a factor.
Lycesque, can you help? Can you figure something out here?
It just seems like L is stalemated, only waiting and waiting until the jerk chooses to "check-mate" her. It just seems so unfair.
I would love to hear of an angle, whereby she could gain some control, cuz the time seems to just be dragging on and on!
Anyways, Llmt, I wish I had something constructive to offer, in way of the law, but I am ignorant about the law in your state, but it infuriates me.....
Just know, I'm here to offer support, and empathy when needed!