Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Not my ideal living situation but my exH and I are still living together as a lot still needs to be worked out, incl child custody. He informs me today, upon just a quick question to him, that he will be going away for a week (with his OW)....wth? I thought we are sharing parenting duties, and mind you when I say he does very little, lately, in this department. He knew he was going and neglected to communicate with me such. If nothing else so I know in case I am running late from work, so I have backup coverage. Don't tell me a week before you have this planned. I still do everything...get them up in the morning, get them fed and ready for school/daycare, and he picks them up half the time. He wants 50/50 custody yet tell me how he can do it with his schedule of 24 hr calls, overtime, 10 hour shifts...nothing is written in stone and set with him, yet I am supposed to accomodate him whenever he wants.
Before you say anything, this result is really my fault, as I have not told him I just do what needs to be done for the kids bc I want full primary custody. I figure let him dig himself in a hole. But I think because of this he assumes or has taken advantage, and continues. I let him have it today, telling he needs to consult with me on such trips or issues when it comes to parenting our children and not assume I have nothing to do but be with them or can accomodate him on short notice. I am willing to be flexible but geez, he is just something else. And to boot my kids are too little to even notice. I take the high road for them but know I am wrong doing so here. They should not have to suffer bc we cannot get it straight. Also I have tried to talk to him on occasions about this and get no response. I cannot wait until I can get out of that house and he could see what it is like raising 2 little men all alone. Ugggghhh...just a rant but if anyone has any ideas feel free to share. Again, I know I am wrong and feel I have created this situation, partly, bc of not saying something sooner, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Before you say anything, this result is really my fault, as I have not told him I just do what needs to be done for the kids bc I want full primary custody. I figure let him dig himself in a hole. But I think because of this he assumes or has taken advantage, and continues. I let him have it today, telling he needs to consult with me on such trips or issues when it comes to parenting our children and not assume I have nothing to do but be with them or can accomodate him on short notice. I am willing to be flexible but geez, he is just something else. And to boot my kids are too little to even notice. I take the high road for them but know I am wrong doing so here. They should not have to suffer bc we cannot get it straight. Also I have tried to talk to him on occasions about this and get no response. I cannot wait until I can get out of that house and he could see what it is like raising 2 little men all alone. Ugggghhh...just a rant but if anyone has any ideas feel free to share. Again, I know I am wrong and feel I have created this situation, partly, bc of not saying something sooner, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
I know it is tough, I was in your situation, I lived with my Ex during the separation part of our divorce, but I was lucky, I had friends that took me in and allowed my kids to come too, so my monetary situation was still in tact... everyone's situation is different, but do your best to get it all in writing.... ((((((((((((((((L))))))))))))))))
http://family.findlaw.com/child-custody/custody-forms/le22_g.html
Sorry I have no advice, just sympathy and hugs (((HUGS)))
I think 50/50 custody is one of those vague things in divorce. There can be many many different scenarios. Like in mine, I think we had joint custody, but my son lived with me and the judge told the Ex that he had to work on the relationship with his son. Ex had to give me child support - but he also decided never to see his son - instead of working on the relationship that he destroyed.
A friend of mine also had joint custody and she had the kids all the time and father had them every other weekend.
So when you say 50/50 do you mean stbx wants them 50% of the time? If you guys can't work on a schedule yourselves, I think a judge will make the decision.
It is something that has to be spelled out exactly about who will be watching them and what kind of after school care etc will be provided. If he's on call in the middle of the night, who will he call to watch the kids? You? he's got to understand it doesn't work like that.
At least that's the way I understand it..
Hey lets ask Lynne......LYNNE - how does it work?
Yep, he is in for a rude awakening if he does receive 50/50 custody. I think you've been doing way more than 50%.. Rant away, hon.
Your ex-H is in for a very rude awakening. You'll have your day on this issue, very soon, I think. I just hope it doesn't hurt the boys.
I woulsd also document document document! It will help your case for primary custody.
It is not an easy situation and I am sorry you have to deal with this.
You are is his safety blanket....so just be careful if he does get 50/50 in that he will be calling you to bail him out of things. It's hard bc you bailing him out is really helping with the boys. Just document everything that happens keeps a diary....who got the boys to daycare, who picked them up, who gave them baths, fed them dinner. What you did with them on the weekend. It will show at the least you are the primary care giver for the boys. Good luck you L....all you can do is take care of yourself and your boys....let the shtibox be the way he is and try not to let it bother you.
You are not at fault...it should be his responsibility as a father to want to give you notice, and be there for his kids...you may be breaking up but your children are always going to be his responsibility, custody or not!
*hugs*
Just a thought. A quick call to your lawyer might answer that.
Love you!!!