Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members

100,360 Posts

0 Online

gummybears 07/01/2017

It's been three months since I got dumped and, to my dismay, my pain and longing is still consuming me. I cried constantly for the first two months. Though the heaviness in my chest is ever-present, I don't cry at the drop of a hat anymore, only when my mind starts to go haywire and I ruminate on how I should have done better, how I failed, even though I did the best I could. I miss him so much sometimes I can't hardly breathe and to resist the urge to reach out to him takes every ounce of mental strength I can muster. On weekends, however, and especially on holiday weekends, I struggle mightily to keep from just laying motionless in bed, refusing to eat, and suffering on an epic scale. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't have friends/family to rely on, I'm pretty much on my own. I know I'm supposed to "do the work" and learn to sit still with my grief but it is excruciating. Any tips or techniques of self-soothing and self-calming that can be suggested?

gummybears 07/02/2017

Paigemc92 wow, eerily similar situation in that we both were vulnerable in the aftermath of divorce and blundered into the trap of relationships that we both thought were going to heal our broken spirits. In many ways my ex-boyfriend DID heal me and helped me to see that I was capable of loving someone else. But I guess the tough lesson is that we both should be healing ourselves without any external crutches. I ended up forming an extremely insecure attachment that had me on pins and needles, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and constantly begging for reassurances and validation. As bridgie101 pointed out, he was casting about looking for his identity, and so was I. I wanted my new identity to be predicated on his being my partner, on his loving me, instead of me loving and caring for myself. We ARE meant to be amazing and accomplished in our own rights. One thing you still have which I don't: your youth. I am almost twice your age. You still have SO MUCH TIME to be independent, strong and your best self. I'm told that when we can be comfortable in our own skins, when we find that we actually don't need anyone at all, that is when we attract the better partners. When we can put out solid, confident, content-within-ourselves energy, then we will attract like-minded individuals who can love and honor us the way we really want and need.

I don't know if this is true, I'm not at a point where I can visualize that. However it's definitely something to which we should aspire. I WANT to be comfortable in my own skin, NOT crawling out of it and wishing desperately to be someone else, anyone else, just not me.

Let's make sure to congratulate each other on surviving the rest of this holiday weekend, as it surely will be a feat to celebrate. Every day that we PERSIST through without laying down in defeat and giving up on ourselves is a remarkable feat.

Calebb 07/02/2017

Sounds like it's a thing of the past.

Holidays are well known to be stressful times. I can remember a time when Christmas and/or New Years were a frightening prospect -- and they were very hard to get through.

I know now I could have reached out, before the holiday, asking someone I thot might be in the same boat. / Then helping ea other get through.

good luck my friend ,
-- Paul

Nepenthe 07/04/2017

For two months, i only sleep for 4 hours.. during those waking hours.. i wonder.. cry.. now.. i keep my feelings to myself... I try to keep my swlf busy during dawn.. try to work out.. listen to loud music.. coz we dont have a choice.. but to accept that theyve moved on...

Nepenthe 07/04/2017

Join the Conversation