I have not read the book, but will be checking it out as I too and working towards healthy relationships in general not just a love relationship.

As for if you should read it with him or not, only you will know that based on how you read the book and if it is something to share with him or not.

I wish I was more of a help in some advice there. But I think you know what you want or need to do.

You don't have to look far. It inspired the movie "Fireproof" and can be found on www.thelovedare.com It is christian-based. An acquaintance of mine watched the movie ... I don't know if she read the book, but having seen the movie, she really wanted her failing marriage to work out, so she made a lot of changes, including her attitude toward her husband, grandchildren and her parents. I think she got a lot of spiritual guidance through her church group. She is still with her husband, but we lost touch during this time. I don't know if her relationship is healthy now or still fraught with antagonism.

that should read: www.thelovedarebook.com

OOPS!

Yeah I guess its meant for a couple to read together.. I've never seen Fireproof.. I remember when it came out and ppl said it sucked so I never watched it.. I'll still read it though cuz it seems like I can learn from it.

Hi Kourtney,

Based on what I've read from some of your earlier posts, I recommend reading the book, but not with your ex.

I was going to say the same thing as #5.

Truthfully I'm thinking of not responding to any more of the dramatic calls for help on the boards here because its upsetting for me to get involved with other peoples pain, and they go back and do the same things over and over. One minute you're walking them through no contact for months, all the drama, and them they're back with a guy.

IDK. People just need to learn their own lessons.

Read your own post from last November. "I need strength". About how he cheats and manipulates you to come back. How he's done it 4 times and gotten other women pregnant and you need to end the cycle. Did you forget about that or has he really "changed" this time?

Nope havnt forgot and still havnt talked to him.. HE sent it to ME.. Just not sure if I want to read with him or not.. I havnt answered him on that. But I already read the first few pages and I like it because it is christian based and I can sort of use it as a devotional to help me learn what a relationship is supposed to be like. I already know what its NOT supposed to be through experience.....

ok i just gotta take the tough love approach
hes your ex. you aren't in a book club together:) i would read the book without him tell him to do the same then regroup and see what each of you took away from the book and if their are some common themes maybe then start opening up a line of communication. don't jump right in especially if you aren't even sure you ever want to speak to him again. i still love my ex and i hate him too. its going to be that way until you heal.
god i hope that wasn't mean. i am trying not to be so blunt:)

If Im not mistaken....this book is solely about putting your marriage back together.

Is that what YOU want?

You may have to be VERY clear with him. If you choose to read it and tell him that you are..is he going to think you are eluding to the fact that you are willing to put it back together?

I have to go with posts #6 and #7 on this. Just because he sent you an email, doesn't mean you have to read it (much less go along with his suggestion). I think you may need to be a tad more honest with yourself, Kourtney, about your motives. Just my opinion.

Thanks ya'll.. I appreciate the comments and thats the whole reason I wrote this post.. It's not a call for help or whatever newagain said.. I just wanted to see opinions from outsiders.. Thats what a support group is right? To get support and advice and to be told when you're not seeing things clearly.. I like the book and I probably wont tell him I'm reading it.. I dont even feel comforatble enough to talk to him at this point. I decided not to take the kids to see him either this weekend. If he wants to see them he'll have to have another family member take them until I feel ready.. Yes the book is about putting your marriage back together and it has an exercise for each day, but it also has a lot of good information.. Again, thanks for posting.. This is what I wanted was to see opinions to help me stay strong.

I applaud your open-minded and mature approach to this, Kourtney. Maturity nowadays is refreshing.

Its a good book. and it does make you you things differently. But it also challenges you to do things for your partner i.e. suprise them with a kind gesture. Just ne careful you dont let yourself get wrapped back up in him.

I didn't say this post was a call for help. Your posts in the past have been asking how to saty away from him, and chock full of tirades about what he's done to make your life miserable.

It astounds me that you would consider reading anything with a man you claim has treated like garbage repeatedly.

Whether the book is good or not is not the issue. Reading a book on surpising someone with nice gestures sounds lovely, unless he's banging some other woman behind your back while you're baking him cookies and buying new linerie to make HIM happy.

and then in two months we're back to reading books abou narcissists and how to forget your ex. Again.