I am told to have this opportunity to grow and learn new things about yourself.
to become a stronger person.


sucks

Okay, I will play the God scenario.

God has different plans for you, other than what you thought was perfection.

When people think of soul mate, they usually are equating this to a lifetime. Think of it as an era, that you got to enjoy for a specific amount of time.

Yes, Murphy, it definitely does suck...lol. I do agree that there is plenty to be learned from this experience. I just wish I could fast forward that process :)

MSgtD, I know I should be grateful for whatever time I had with my soulmate, even if it was just an era and not a lifetime. I'm just not to that point just yet. I know that one day I'll look back and appreciate what I had. Right now, it just hurts so much I can't see the positive in all of it :(

I know
BIG HUGS to you

I went through a lot of emotional pain (most self-inflicted) but each time I came out of the haze, the world was a better place.

I believe God and us, we are a team. We write the pages of our lives together. God gave us a beautiful chance in happiness, we took it and we made the best of it. But our partners gave up. And we are in this situation because of THEIR actions, THEIR decisions and THEIR choices. God is not the one to blame here, He's the one who will help us through this. If we decide to pull ourselves together, we will seize all the new opportunites and chances that God will give us, we are a team. We are not a victim of fate, happiness is in our hands.

Hold on !

Actually, you and your husband are solely responsible for your marriage. Im sorry you are going through this and it is painful. But to blame others, including God, means you are not even looking at what happened between both of you in the marriage. You aren't accepting that you didn't have a "perfect relationship and your husband wasnt your soul mate--that's a fantasy and isn't true otherwise the marriage wouldn't have broken up.

A year has gone by since he left. It's time you put on your detective hat and think hard about what had been going on for the year before he left. Getting calls on his cell phone? Noticing him on the computer more often? Starting to work more overtime at work? Doing more errands? Spending more time at his relatives?

God didnt leave you blind. He gave you intelligence, an inquiring mind and the ability to look hard and truthfully at your marriage. It wasnt a perfect marriage if your husband got up and walked out. Your husband wasnt your soul mate if he just up and left. God doesnt pick boyfriends, fiancs or husbandshe leaves that to us. If you dont want to take an honest look at what was happening, you will probably never heal.

Try looking at your marriage from a realistic and truthful view and it should begin to find closure for you. Then start into counseling to help you with that closure. Take care and many hugs.

Maybe this is Gods way of answering your prayers.

Pudulady: Thank you so much. I do agree with what you're saying. I most definitely blame my husband more than I blame God. He's the one who walked out without even trying. Not to say that I don't blame myself at all, because I most definitely know that I'm not perfect!

AsTimeGoesBy: Trust me, I have spent the entire last year trying to be a detective and trying to figure out what went wrong. I've also been in therapy, been to divorce support groups, etc. What I can tell you is that our marriage seemed strong. He even sent me an email just a few weeks before asking for divorce saying that he loved me more than anything and wanted to continue making memories with me for the rest of our lives. We didn't have any big fights, there was never a concern of there being another woman (at least there were no signs pointing to that), and other than his being grouchy (which he often was), there were no signs of trouble in our marriage. Again, I know I'm not perfect and probably did plenty of things in the marriage to cause issues, but he did not make me aware of anything that I was doing to upset him. I am still in this place even one year out, where I'm having a hard time letting go because I have no answers from him. I'm not blaming God, I just want to know "why" after all my prayers did this still happen?

You say you dont blame God, yet you are angry with him for not granting your wish.

Just because we ask for something from God doesnt mean he should give it to us. I'm not personally a believer, but I have a fair grasp at understanding how faith works.
Shouldnt you trust that He knows whats best, and by not giving you what you asked for, means He is redirecting you toward the path that WILL answer your prayer?

After my divorce, I sat alone, crying my eyes out in my empty apartment for what felt like eternity, wondering to myself: "I've been a good person, I treat people nicely, I do nice things for my community.. so why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?"
In the end, I realized it was was a blessing in disguise. It for the best. I was not living the life I was meant to, and needed to be redirected in order to be happy. The redirection was blunt and brutal, but so very worth it.
Now I'm happier than ever.

Shine: thank you so much. I'm so glad you are in a place now where you can see the light. I have been hurting so long, it seems like it will never end. If you feel comfortable answering this...what has happened in your life that made it worth going through the divorce? I just need a little hope that life will return to normal at some point and that I will again feel happiness.

The basics are that he was a jerk, I was grumpy because of it, and he wound up cheating on me and leaving me for a woman with three children.
I went to therapy and it was truly an amazing experience for me. I resolved a lot of personal issues that were lying dormant to my divorce.
I learned a LOT about myself and am proud of the strength I obtained as a result of the divorce.
I learned to appreciate different types of happiness in equality. I learned how to find internal happiness that I will keep with me for life.
In the end, I wound up in a relationship I dreamed of since I was a little girl, and because of my personal progress, I actually feel deserving.


Honestly.. the reality is that its unexplainable. Its something I didnt realize I was experiencing until one day I woke up and I realized I had become this different person that I could have never been while in my marriage. I truly felt that while going through it, I was never gonig to come out on the other side, but hindsight is 20/20.

Thank you so very much for that insight, Shine! I really appreciate you opening up and sharing with me how your life is better. It gives me hope that I can make it through this and possibly come out an even better person. I am going to commit to working on myself and getting my security, self-esteem, and ability to love back. Right now, they are non-existent. Thank you so much for taking the time to post. You really have helped me ;)

I'm very sorry this has happened to you. I honestly think god heard your prayers. For a relationship to stay strong BOTH spouses has to want the same. But I don't think god was like okay, well I'm taking him away from you, the end and I don't care about your prayers. I personally believe while you were praying something else was probably brewing up with your partner. Maybe his mind was somewhere else or on something else or maybe just not in the marriage. You did your part as his wife and sometimes it hurts when things go wrong for no reason. I believe later down the line he will tell you or maybe you will find out. Its okay to hurt, cry or to beg for an answer but you did your part in the marriage, your husband left not you honey. I believe something will work out. God did give you 10 wonderful years with a soul mate. It can happen again and sometimes with time. Don't give up on God.

Good luck Amanda-
Feel free to PM me if you need anything :)