Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I woke up this morning feeling sad about my current situation, being a separation/divorce. After countless hours of googling information about coping and handling divorce and how to win your spouse back I found that writing a letter to her could be something good, but not a letter about how much I love her or how much I miss her but a letter to let her know about how I understood how she viewed certain things that I did to anger her, I simply wanted to let her know that for ex. that after working 8-10 hours on her feet and coming home and finding me sitting on my ass expecting her to cook and clean or for her to ask me to throw the trash and let it sit for a day or two longer, which was stupid of me to do. Why is it that we find clarity of what we could have done after the fact that it's all gone to shit now? I'm angry because I put my heart and soul into that letter to really sit there and think about what I did to make her upset and view all the little things in her perspective, I text her to see if I can deliver it to her and she tells me to take it to her work and give it to one of her friends, so I say fine I will do that. Well when i get to her job and ask for her friend, I get her store manager instead and she comes up and tells me that I'm banned from her job because my soon to be ex-wife told her boss that she feels unsafe with me around and that I've been harassing her, WTF! I calmy apologized to her boss that I meant no disrespect to her business but that it was the 1st time I had been up there since my wife surprised me with the "I don't love you" speech. I f*cking angry that she would do that, I'm angry that now in this small town I'm being thought of as a wife beater, a stalker, and a harasser, I thought I knew my wife very well but now I think she's mentally unstable. I've never given her any reason to fear me and now she's scared of me, I've never raised my hand to her in 8 years and now she's telling people I tried to hit her. I'm so angry right now, up until 3.5 weeks ago I was trying to fight for this relationship and now I just wanna go and file the divorce myself, how could someone I lived with for 8 years just turn so f*cking crazy on me?
I have to say, with such an important letter for her I'm not sure why dropping it to a "friend" at work was acceptable. If she wouldn't accept it herself I might find that questionable. There's no way you could have ever expected this to have occured, yet I would have insisted she take it. Or you mail it or email or whatever to get it directly to her.
If she's never been "mentally unstable" as you called it before, then perhaps she's just not thinking clearly. If she has pulled BS like this in the past, then you haven't learned a hard lesson about her yet. She may have entirely set you up here.
I think the only way you can combat any accusations of who you are in town is to back off completely. It's going to be VERY HARD yet she's drawn the line in the sand with this stunt and you will get burned if you continue. The more you try to explain yourself, the more she will make you look unstable. You are hurt and frustrated and confused... she's trying to remove herself from your life unfortunately that's what it appears and she's gonna pull out all the stops.
I'm sorry this is happening. Don't feel angry or pissed that you even wrote this letter. You had good intentions, she does not. It just didn't turn out how you expected.
Maybe this had to happen to really show you who she is. It may be a blessing.
Hang in there....
try to just roll with it. it's hard for her too.
If you do that... You will just be joining the crowd of happily married white guys with Asian women like me!
Haven't you ever wonder why there are so many of us who have chosen to out source our ex wives? Oh, make sure didn't grow up in America like my ex. Ouch! Tough one for me.