Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Anger issues

Iwillsurvive
Iwillsurvive

Hi, I am seriously considering a divorce....I can't communicate with my husband anymore, and if I do, Im always angry at him. I dont yell and I dont insult him but ooooh boy am I mad at him. We have been married for 10 month now but more than half of our marriage has been a living hell for me. He started drinking since March and did not stop until 2 weeks ago. During this time, he became aggresssive, he insulted me, bellitled me, and was (still is) emotionally abusive. He calls me all kinds of bad names and although I know I am a valuable, smart and kind person, I'm starting to believe him. During this episode, he told me that marrying me was a mistake, he compared me to all of his pevious exes, he kicked me out of the house, he was texting other women using onlie dating apps, etc. Recently, he told me that he was donbe drinking and that he wanted to be with me but he has not even apologized for anything. I honestly dont think there's a point in staying in this marriage because I simply dint trust him and he obviously doesn't respect me. I decided to go along with his proposal of trying to live a peaceful life but, 3 days ago he got so mad at me because I "woke him" up when I turned the bathroom lights on in the middle of the night...he said that I was a F**ing retard and that I had no brain at all and blah blah...I just went to the other room and cried myself to sleep. I am already in search of an apartment and all that, but for the meantime I have to live under the same room as I have no family here. My question is: how am I supposed to deal with all this anger and frustration? how can I keep myself calm? how can I live a "peaceful" life? and why does my husband think that I'm crazy to feel this way? Please help

ifinallygetit
ifinallygetit
Sounds like your husband only cares about himself. It is difficult to remain other the same roof but just walk away from him when he rages. There will be no peace until you are out of there. If he locks you out again, you can always contact a domestic violence hotline and they will set you up with the help that you need. Hugs. PM me if you need to talk.
Robbieboobeagles
Robbieboobeagles
Hugs my friend, my heart breaks for you my friend. You need to get away from that situation-he's not gonna change- no matter how long you stay or how many chances you give him. You need to think about yourself and your children. Pls go to a pastor or a hotline for abuse victims. Much love and luck my friend. Hugs.
William2017
William2017
You need to make preparations to leave.
ElisaTucker
ElisaTucker
Aww I am so sorry.. he is an idiot!!
OLDBIKER
OLDBIKER
I'm sorry you are going through this but, you stated yourself that you have been married 10 months and half of that ten months have "been a living hell for me". Is that what you want? Why would anyone want to be treated with harsh words, being insulted, etc. If he loved you, why did he go on dating sites, etc. Something is terribly wrong here and better get out while you can. Chances are, he will not change.
Iwillsurvive
Iwillsurvive
Thank you all, It feels liberating talking to you. I do not wish to stay in this marriage, unfortunately, I have to stay for 1-2 more months as I am in the process of leasing an apartment. I am also getting all the legal stuff taken care of and saving money. I know he will not change, that's who he is....I just wish I could find a way to live peacefully for a month. Also, he doesnt know I am planning on leaving him, and Im scared of how he will react when I leave? Should I do it when he goes on a business trip?
Imlosingit
Imlosingit
I'm sorry you have to be going through this. It's so hard when the people you love suddenly become someone different. Glad you caught it early. Yes the hard part is living with him knowing you want out, but he doesn't know it. And trying to keep the peace. I'm in that last part there. Took me 27 years to get here. Husband not abusive, just a turf that went bad. I'm still not sure what's going to happen, "complicated story", but I came to see that he is who he is and I have to stop the old habit of pre-judgment from past experiences. Like someone up there said. Don't reply to his offenses. Hard as that may be. That only fuels the flames. And gives him ammo. Be as cordial as you can, and as busy as you can. I wish you all the best hugs
Katya12
Katya12
Hi, Your message sounds good and healthy. You are thinking correctly and have the right attitude....stay there. Your thoughts on separating yourself from your husband are good. emotional and verbal abuse are extremely damaging and no one should have to live under that. It does not sound like a peaceful existence at all. Do you have any friends? Any support at all? Can you Set some good boundaries for yourself and stick with them, Not sure if you attend a church, but you can find some awesome support in most community churches. I am really so sorry that you have to go through this. Take one day at a time. I'll be praying for you.
PeteMason
PeteMason
If your husband thinks you are crazy then he is crazy, crazy says, crazy is.

I have personally found that ridding anger from my life came about by being nonjudgmental, when you stop looking at a situation negatively (in a judgmental) way it suddenly appears different to you, instead of viewing it with a closed mind, you view it with an opened mind, instead of your view being subjective (more about you), it becomes objective (about the whole picture).

Becoming nonjudgmental requires conscious thinking practice, most of us operate in an unconscious or habitual thinking practiced way. Becoming nonjudgmental makes you smarter as well, thus enhancing your personal happiness and, when you apply it to yourself, you become the happiest you have ever been in your life, I speak from personal experience when I say as much.

I am unable to help your husband, but he is in need of it and, in a professional way.

I would suggest a separation from your husband initially and, if he refuses to get the help he NEEDS, then make it a permanent arrangement, oh, and I wouldn't concern myself too much with an apology from him, because it would more than likely, at this stage at least, be an empty one.
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