Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
The stbx called to discuss the demands I had put up for this divorce. I told him we need to discuss it face to face..so we do with him coming straight to the point of him not having money ! I stick to my grounds and he tells me how, if I took this to court it would take atleast 2-3 years and the lawyers will benefit and blah blah. For the 8-10 years I've given to this marriage, 2-3 years for a fair divorce wouldnt be so bad, I say. He then attacks me with if I stick to my demands he'll do this and that (seal the apartment which is on our joint names since he's repaying the bank loan for it) ; give me nothing and worst, he'll fight for my daughter' full custody (he knows she's my major weakness) . I am scared of this --she's the reason for my life. He says something like he's funding her education,etc and so I am only her 'care-taker' ! I am trying to remain calm through all this and then we finally part with a decison to take matters to court. While I handled this calmly, I still wish I'd been more assertive. I wish I had said, "well--I too will fight for everything I want; I will fight for her full custody, and I will even sue you for emotional abuse" but these words dont come to me then. He leaves and I text message him with this : "One final word..I am not Aanya's 'care-taker'..I am her mother". Theres this strange calmness in me and I know the fear is lurking around about to scream out for attention (if I let it).
My daughter comes back ..she's sensed whats happened. I take her to our room, close the door and finally tell her things as they are: she cries , we hug and then she shuts up...moves away from me. I do not run after her, giving her time. She gets back to herself after watching a bit of Doremon ( a cartoon). She and I play a game of cards which eases my fears that she's holding things against me.
So, it begins...please God, give me strength to go through this and please let nobody, no force take my daughter away from me.
My daughter comes back ..she's sensed whats happened. I take her to our room, close the door and finally tell her things as they are: she cries , we hug and then she shuts up...moves away from me. I do not run after her, giving her time. She gets back to herself after watching a bit of Doremon ( a cartoon). She and I play a game of cards which eases my fears that she's holding things against me.
So, it begins...please God, give me strength to go through this and please let nobody, no force take my daughter away from me.
Now the talking with him stops. All of his time and energy now will be put into try to wear you down, threaten and otherwise change your mind. When the threats don't work, he'll switch to the nice guy "let's be reasonable" routine.
Do NOT believe or trust him at this point. Its over, and he's looking out for number one - himself. All arrangements should be handled by an attorney and all discusiion should be with your attorney.
Please , please ,please stick to your guns now. All emotions on the back burner and look out for yourself and your child. I absolutely promise you that you will look back and thank God you did.
As far as you not being more assertive. I think you totally rocked the whole situation. And good for you for sending that text. You ARE her mother. I fail to see how any court would consider your depression (which is now under control) a danger to your daughter. He is just taking advantage of something YOU think is a weak spot.....it is not. Lots of people have bouts of depression. Keep on doing what you are doing. You are growing through this. God has a plan in this and He always works for good. (((HUGS))))
you're gonna do great!
I cried after ages...then realised with relief, I must have been PMSing and reading your replies ....you all make me feel I can do this and that there is hope.