Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I want to get down and be seriously turthful to myself about why I cannot move forward after this break down of my marriage:
1. Losing a 'husband' is much worse than losing even a 'lover' : in both, you've lost out in love, but a 'husband-wife- relationship', i.e. marriage is almost sacred. It's supposed to be life long.
2. Having a husband felt like owning something, which was mine, alone. My husband, My home, My family : i could wear that on my expression; in social gatherings; in my introduction.
3. He loved me like crazy...after 2 years or so, i began to love him too... we loved each other.. we had a child together---from husband, he became much more---the father of my child.
4. He was a huge emotional support for me--i could laugh, cry, snap at, fight, sulk at, express my worries and fears with him.
5. Financial security-- i would work only to earn some extra cash to be splurged on myself ; buy gifts for him and grudgingly, pay his credit card bills (only once)
6.Having a husband, felt 'safe' : being on my own--even though i have a support system still feels scary--he was the support system for me (point 4 repetition)
7. It represents a major failure and a different , challenging life
8. And the smallest part, really: He left me for another woman; i was not good enough ...a rejection ---what, me??
Dont want to write any more of this ...maybe there are more reasons--or just ' the Real, One Reason'...but as of now but these are the ones i can come up with ,with as much honesty as possible. Done this cos i cant understand why the hell am i still brooding 5 years down the line about this marriage-failure.
1. Losing a 'husband' is much worse than losing even a 'lover' : in both, you've lost out in love, but a 'husband-wife- relationship', i.e. marriage is almost sacred. It's supposed to be life long.
2. Having a husband felt like owning something, which was mine, alone. My husband, My home, My family : i could wear that on my expression; in social gatherings; in my introduction.
3. He loved me like crazy...after 2 years or so, i began to love him too... we loved each other.. we had a child together---from husband, he became much more---the father of my child.
4. He was a huge emotional support for me--i could laugh, cry, snap at, fight, sulk at, express my worries and fears with him.
5. Financial security-- i would work only to earn some extra cash to be splurged on myself ; buy gifts for him and grudgingly, pay his credit card bills (only once)
6.Having a husband, felt 'safe' : being on my own--even though i have a support system still feels scary--he was the support system for me (point 4 repetition)
7. It represents a major failure and a different , challenging life
8. And the smallest part, really: He left me for another woman; i was not good enough ...a rejection ---what, me??
Dont want to write any more of this ...maybe there are more reasons--or just ' the Real, One Reason'...but as of now but these are the ones i can come up with ,with as much honesty as possible. Done this cos i cant understand why the hell am i still brooding 5 years down the line about this marriage-failure.
When I was struggling with the acceptance of the breakdown/failure of my marriage the priest I went to to seek counsel on whether to divorce or not. Said to me that the most important thing to do for myself and my children was to take the word failure out of my vocabulary when referring to my marriage. He said he knew I had given it my very best shot and I had to focus on the good that had come from it - my 3 wonderful children.
He was absolutely right. When I managed to stop thinking and saying I had failed, I had a major attiaude shift and it made me start to really work on the positive aspects of my life and to build on those.
Please do that for yourself. You are such a special and wonderful woman, and have so much to offer the world. PLease focus on all the positives about you and the life you can now move forward to enjoy. You have so much strength within you. I know it is there. You will manage to do this on your own. You will get stronger. So much stronger than you ever believed you could be.
Big big ((hugs))
the breakdown of a marriage really is devastating all around.
So, you take the lessons you learned. Being on your own is scary sometimes, but look at how refreshing it is to know YOU are responsible for YOU and what you do. I love knowing I don't have to compromise, discuss, split money, etc. I love that what I do, the home I own, is ALL mine. I love that I don't have anyone to "report" to.
I sometimes think about all the wasted years spent being married when i couldve been enjoying life like I am now, but I disregard that and look at my marriage as a page in my book, but it's not the whole story. We are not defined by marriage; we create our own definitions.