Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Any of you who have read my journal the past couple of weeks know that my ex is in ICU dying of cancer. The Dr's say it is in her lungs, bones, spine and, ovaries. She was air lifted this morning to another hospital for further treatment of some kind.
We separated Dec. 10th 1972 and our divorce was final in July of 1974. We had 3 children at the time and I paid child support for 14 years. If you read my journal entries of Dec. 27, 2008 and Jan. 3 of 2009, you can read my story of our marriage.
Now, she is dying and I feel obligated to be there for our son and daughter. She and I made peace in the ICU and I forgave her years ago for the affairs, etc. during our marriage. She will be 63 if she makes it to the 26th of this month.
Am I wrong for wanting to be there for our son and daughter. My current wife of 35 years is not supportive of this idea and feels that I should have nothing to do with anything. My ex's husband died 2 months ago so, our son and daughter are basically all she has, except 1 older sister.
Is it wrong for me to care that she is dying like this? Is it wrong to want to be there for my son and daughter, who are having to make some serious decisions in the near future? Is it wrong for me to show sadness in what lies ahead? I have preached many funerals and been beside the bedside of many who have taken their last breaths. I just feel as a Minister, and as a dad, I need to be there for my son and daughter if and when they need me. I have spent the last half of my life caring about and caring for people. I am almost 66 years old now so, this isn't a puppy love, ex-wife love affair type scenario at all.
We separated Dec. 10th 1972 and our divorce was final in July of 1974. We had 3 children at the time and I paid child support for 14 years. If you read my journal entries of Dec. 27, 2008 and Jan. 3 of 2009, you can read my story of our marriage.
Now, she is dying and I feel obligated to be there for our son and daughter. She and I made peace in the ICU and I forgave her years ago for the affairs, etc. during our marriage. She will be 63 if she makes it to the 26th of this month.
Am I wrong for wanting to be there for our son and daughter. My current wife of 35 years is not supportive of this idea and feels that I should have nothing to do with anything. My ex's husband died 2 months ago so, our son and daughter are basically all she has, except 1 older sister.
Is it wrong for me to care that she is dying like this? Is it wrong to want to be there for my son and daughter, who are having to make some serious decisions in the near future? Is it wrong for me to show sadness in what lies ahead? I have preached many funerals and been beside the bedside of many who have taken their last breaths. I just feel as a Minister, and as a dad, I need to be there for my son and daughter if and when they need me. I have spent the last half of my life caring about and caring for people. I am almost 66 years old now so, this isn't a puppy love, ex-wife love affair type scenario at all.
I think you should go, she was the mother of 3 your of children. Just because you divorced her doesn't mean you can't be supportive of your kids. They will never forget the love you would show them if you are there for them.
Your current wife has to put her big girl panties on and let this go.
I'm so incredibly sorry this is happening....
Has your wife said why she's uncomfortable with it?
Is it bringing up old insecurities?
Does it make her feel bad about not being there, when her ex died? (if she wasn't)
Does she feel in competition with you for being the better person?
IDK, just some posible thoughts my tired brain came up with.
Anyway, I'd try to find out the reason, and address that. Hugs to all of you.
I am currently going through some health stuff. My ex was less than compassionate. It hurt like crazy, but then again, I'm not the one who left and had the affair. What I'm trying to point out is the fact that you can overlook everything, it has been a long time, and be there to be supportive and caring.
As for your wife, your wanting to be there for your kids should just reinforce in her why she married you in the first place. You're a great guy. She's probably just feeling a little left out. Hopefully she'll come to terms with it all.
I will pray for you and your family and your ex wife. Peace.
A couple of monhs ago I was talking to my mother about a friend of mine who has metastasized cancer. She understood it was my asshole ex. She inmediately said, you must take him in and take care of him. I clarified her mistake, but truth be told, I would take him in if he were in that situation without anyone to care for him.
You are in the right path..your humanity is inmense.