Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Any of you who have read my journal the past couple of weeks know that my ex is in ICU dying of cancer. The Dr's say it is in her lungs, bones, spine and, ovaries. She was air lifted this morning to another hospital for further treatment of some kind.
We separated Dec. 10th 1972 and our divorce was final in July of 1974. We had 3 children at the time and I paid child support for 14 years. If you read my journal entries of Dec. 27, 2008 and Jan. 3 of 2009, you can read my story of our marriage.
Now, she is dying and I feel obligated to be there for our son and daughter. She and I made peace in the ICU and I forgave her years ago for the affairs, etc. during our marriage. She will be 63 if she makes it to the 26th of this month.
Am I wrong for wanting to be there for our son and daughter. My current wife of 35 years is not supportive of this idea and feels that I should have nothing to do with anything. My ex's husband died 2 months ago so, our son and daughter are basically all she has, except 1 older sister.
Is it wrong for me to care that she is dying like this? Is it wrong to want to be there for my son and daughter, who are having to make some serious decisions in the near future? Is it wrong for me to show sadness in what lies ahead? I have preached many funerals and been beside the bedside of many who have taken their last breaths. I just feel as a Minister, and as a dad, I need to be there for my son and daughter if and when they need me. I have spent the last half of my life caring about and caring for people. I am almost 66 years old now so, this isn't a puppy love, ex-wife love affair type scenario at all.
We separated Dec. 10th 1972 and our divorce was final in July of 1974. We had 3 children at the time and I paid child support for 14 years. If you read my journal entries of Dec. 27, 2008 and Jan. 3 of 2009, you can read my story of our marriage.
Now, she is dying and I feel obligated to be there for our son and daughter. She and I made peace in the ICU and I forgave her years ago for the affairs, etc. during our marriage. She will be 63 if she makes it to the 26th of this month.
Am I wrong for wanting to be there for our son and daughter. My current wife of 35 years is not supportive of this idea and feels that I should have nothing to do with anything. My ex's husband died 2 months ago so, our son and daughter are basically all she has, except 1 older sister.
Is it wrong for me to care that she is dying like this? Is it wrong to want to be there for my son and daughter, who are having to make some serious decisions in the near future? Is it wrong for me to show sadness in what lies ahead? I have preached many funerals and been beside the bedside of many who have taken their last breaths. I just feel as a Minister, and as a dad, I need to be there for my son and daughter if and when they need me. I have spent the last half of my life caring about and caring for people. I am almost 66 years old now so, this isn't a puppy love, ex-wife love affair type scenario at all.
Lynne
Or maybe tell her that the reason you can do this is because you love her very much and are happy you found her after the bad divorce. You can say goodbye to your ex with no hard feelings because you have the love of your life now.
You're a good man Biker, we should all be blessed to have someone with us in our hour of need.
I agree, reassure your wife that you still love her, that this is just you being a good parent for your children. They need you. Making peace with your ex, shows strength of character, and it makes things easier for your children. Let her know you have the strength to do this, because you have her.
My ex was a horrible husband. He was abusive in every way you can think of, but if he was dying, I would still be there for my son's sake.
AND your strong enough to deal with it, then I say you'll regret NOT being there.
If your current wife loves you, and you reassure her that she is the only one for you, then it should be OK (as OK as watching someone die can be)
I'm very sorry for you and your X--Dave
Even though you re-married, and shared your life with a woman you love, your ex was still a part of your life. That part never goes away. It is nothing more than simple compassion to care about those who were at one point a special part of your life. It doesn't change who you are, and how you love your wife today. But, it is providing care for someone whom you also cared for at one point.
Don't feel guilty... And, let your wife know that you love her... But, that this is something you also need to do...
I'm sorry this is happening to her, your children and you too.
You are truly a wonderful soul....like the others have said, follow what your heart is telling you.
I have read some of your recent journals and know that thiis has not been easy for you. You know what you need to do to live with yourself. It is not wrong to be there and help your children with this. It will change their lives forever when she passes and knowing that they can turn around and just hug you will mean the world to them. Being there for your kids is what parenting is all about. I send you more hugs and lots of hope that your wife will understand your need to be there.