Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Long story short, I have been "long distance dating" a girl from Baltimore for 6 months now. After an initial bump in the road in January, thing have been great and she has been excited to move down here to Florida. Last week after a great visit here, she called the next day and stated she wes "nervous and had an anxiety attack" over the reality of moving down here. She stated it "started hitting her" that this is real and she is now nervous and scared.
This is what she said: "We need to take a few steps back and I need to make sure this is the right thing for me". I respect this and understand this completely.
However she then stated "I think I would like to LOSE THE BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND TITLE. HOWEVER I STILL LOVE AND YOU AND I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND SEE A FUTURE WITH YOU".
Am right to be worried that I'm losing her at this point or am I overreacting over a simple title?
Thanks for any help.
This is what she said: "We need to take a few steps back and I need to make sure this is the right thing for me". I respect this and understand this completely.
However she then stated "I think I would like to LOSE THE BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND TITLE. HOWEVER I STILL LOVE AND YOU AND I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND SEE A FUTURE WITH YOU".
Am right to be worried that I'm losing her at this point or am I overreacting over a simple title?
Thanks for any help.
She just might need some reassurance. But, don't you believe for a minute that you are allowed to date or mention other women. If you do, it will be over and I mean over.
If she is still taking this stand in a month, then, you might want to reassess.
day 1) everything is sun and rainbows
day 2) PANIC, no titles... some weird version of "I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you"
Give her the room if she needs it, but take the time to distance yourself to avoid being hurt.
Remember, a healthy woman does not like a needy man. And to really give her the distance she is asking for requires that you fully back off. Which just so happens to be the best thing for you. Take the time to assess her? Is this normal for her? Is she flaky? Is she troubled? Is this really who you want?
I ignored obvious red flags in a similar LDR about 10 years ago... I PAID FOR IT. OMG, did I PAY for it.
She had similar panic attacks, and they (so I learned later) were all about gaining the upper hand in controlling me. The situation was striking similar from your description.
BE CAREFUL here.
I have had many female friends that have played similar cards to that one. Keep the leash on ....but at arms distance and try the other option.
Not that it matters much ..just my opinion. Good luck to you!
Either way, I am with Awesome. Looking at all the facts, especially given the amount of time you have been dating, and long distance at that, reality is hitting her and she is panicking. She may feel for you, but the reality and pressure of plans made for the future is making her uncomfortable right now, and it possibly isn't even your fault. Sounds like she is laying all this pressure on herself. and she is retreating...
All you can do is grant her wishes. Don't push the issue of moving or even seeing her. Don't bring up the fact of all the plans you made. Just take a step back, let her contact you but still reach out to check on her and just be there for her right now.
its tough to manage a situation like this when you live close to each other, managing/dealing with it long distance wise can drive anyone crazy. But continue to enjoy your life, do things you like; don't put your life on hold for a maybe.
best of luck and welcome to the group.
Must agree with Chi and Awesome too. Give her the space, don't look into it like it's anything more than panic and anxiety, atleast try not to.
Best of luck to you