Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am moving forward with my life. I am learning to like me and take care of me. I even enjoy some of my alone time (yes me Ms. I HATE ALONE). I am able to do all of this because of many things and people but one of the things allowing all of this healing and growth is a man friend in my life. I met him on a stupid dating sight OK Cupid. He basically offered himeslf up to me with some stupid cut and paste poem he had written. I declined! The we got into an email battle of wills, morals and brains. Turns out we had a lot in common, even being used and abused by former mates. We enjoy eachother's company mainly because we started seeing eachother with the understanding neither of us needed or wanted to be in love we just didn't like being alone. We decided it was ok to use eachother just to have someone to hang out with. That took the pressure off and freed us to be totally honest and ourselves. This has been going on since August. Now we get togther most every weekend. I was sick this weekend and he came over and took care of me! We care for eachother but I do not believe it will be forever. He has issues I don't want in a mate. He has started letting the "L" word slip when he says goodbye or goodnight. I told him to stop it. He says he will be "my guy" as long as I will let him. I date others and he is free to do the same but more and more we seem to be wanting to spend time together because it is comfortable. I am not sure if I should start to pull away so no one gets hurt or let it take us where ever it goes. I feel like I use him and I tell him that, he says we all use eachother so no worries. I always say,"this is not going to end well"! He just smiles. I don't want to get so used to him that I get hurt if he finds something real and moves on nor do I want to hurt him. I believe if he was the one, I wouldn't want to contiue looking at others but I do (not finding anything better). I think about the 80/20 rule. Often people are say 80% happy with someone (they are perfect but not pretty enough for example)but they leave them for someone who has what the first is lacking, the 20% (let's say someone prettier) only to find out that is all they have so now they have given up the 80% for only 20%. No one is 100% perfect. Am I looking for that 100% and giving up on a good 80% match? Should I be satisfied and stop looking for better? What do you guys think?
Keep the friendship though. Figure out what you want. Don't settle for less than you want or deserve.
It is funny, that when you meet someone and first start getting to know them and you really don't find them attractive, then all of a sudden you start looking a little deeper, then BAM,, it hits you that you do find them attractive! "Just saying!"