Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
ok brief run down, wife cheated getting divorce she moved out, been 8 months we have 2 girls 10 and 13 my oldest is special needs,
my kids stay with me 5 nights a week due to my STBX work schedule she works midnights, sometimes though since its summer my kids sleep at my mohter in laws, when they sleeop at my house my ex comes to my house and sleeps at my house and the kids just do what they do, so last week, my MIL and FIL came to my house while i was at work and swam in the pool, my STBX MIL had a conversation with my neighbor who is her nephew and told him she hopes i loose the house so they can get it at auction and give it to there daughter, anyhow my mother in law is controlling she was over protective always did everything for my stbx that she could not do for her self, anyhow the conversation she had with her nephew in my yard happened in front of my daughter. i had a long talk with my STBX that if she talks about me in front of my kids again i am gonna find out what legal action i have to keep kids away from her. as a threat,
my question does the evil ever stop when there are kids involved? in a divorce
my kids stay with me 5 nights a week due to my STBX work schedule she works midnights, sometimes though since its summer my kids sleep at my mohter in laws, when they sleeop at my house my ex comes to my house and sleeps at my house and the kids just do what they do, so last week, my MIL and FIL came to my house while i was at work and swam in the pool, my STBX MIL had a conversation with my neighbor who is her nephew and told him she hopes i loose the house so they can get it at auction and give it to there daughter, anyhow my mother in law is controlling she was over protective always did everything for my stbx that she could not do for her self, anyhow the conversation she had with her nephew in my yard happened in front of my daughter. i had a long talk with my STBX that if she talks about me in front of my kids again i am gonna find out what legal action i have to keep kids away from her. as a threat,
my question does the evil ever stop when there are kids involved? in a divorce
no we are not divorced yet sandy
lisa my neighbor is in no ones corner he just tells it like it is regardless,
Now, I no longer ring the door-bell when I pick-up/ drop-off the kids, and if I call the exes house and she answers, I hang up.
I've been divorced for 2-1/2 yrs, and have not seen/ talked to my ex-MIL in over a year. So nice not having to deal with that!!
Legally, there is very little you can do to prevent the ILs from seeing your kids, unless you can show your kids are in danger/ harm/ neglect. You can try researching terms like "exclusion" and "alienation", but most courts won't do anything about it.
Otherwise, you just try and control/ cut if off it during *your* parenting time. You can try getting it written in a First Right of Refusal (that you get first right to watch the kids, over the grandparents-but will probably need justification).
Good luck! And yes it will get better, but probably never go away...
Where I live, you have to have it written explicitly in your custody agreement. It is easy to have it have FROF granted by the court if it involves a third party (daycare/ babysitter), and if the on-duty parent is to be away for 6 or more hours. If you want it to include a relative or step-parent, then there needs to be some justification
According to my attorney, the fact that my ex-MIL has to drive over 1-1/2 hours away to watch the kids (convenience), may be good enough justification to include her in the FROF, same for her trying to exclude/ alienate me from my kids (picking fights in front of the kids).
However, when it comes to the step-parent (my exes new wife), then more weight needs to be shown, that the kids are in danger/ harm/ neglected. Not to the same degree as I'd need to show with regards to my ex, but more so than with my ex-MIL.
Other things to potentially include in the FROR, is if the kids need to go to a doctor during your exes on-duty time. If you ex cannot take them, will you be given the first right to take them (or whomever is watching them). Same with school events (if she is not available). Yup, all of these things I have dealt with in the past....The later two things, you can potentially contest, if you have joint legal custody (school, medical), but much better if you explicitly state them in your decree.
I had no idea these things would come up until about a year and a half after the divorce, which is when my ex started gradually cutting me out. Prior to that, my ex cut his mom off for two years (which had nothing to do with me, I thought he was being very mean). Right now, all I can do is trying fix things (mediation and court if necessary).