Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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dclaus 04/17/2015

My wife, after 3 months, told me she was divorcing me. I wasn't aware of any issues but she said that during our honeymoon it became acutely clear to her that we were not compatible. I have been devastated by her decision to end our marriage. Last Friday she stopped by to drop off paperwork for the divorce and during that time she slipped in that she was dating someone. She seemed to act like I was supposed to be happy for her and she continued to tell me details. Apparently two weeks after she told me she wanted the divorce, she starting dating this fellow. I feel very hurt and betrayed by her actions and her lack of caring on how this would effect me. This is all still very fresh and I have lost my wife and my best friend all in one fell swoop. I as many people have been hurt in the past and I told her that I was reluctant to get married (I had a previous marriage where my wife at that time had cheated on me with my brother and numerous other people, so I suffered much pain from that experience), but I had started to feel safe with my current/so to be ex and allowed myself to make the emotional commitment for marriage. Since last Friday, I have been trying to avoid communicating with her but she keeps reaching out to me via text, and email asking how I am. Each time she does, it sends me into a depression tailspin.

Please don't troll me as I am already in a sorrowful state.

DC

jstcyn 04/17/2015

Sorry is about call I can say. I am in similar pain. I wish I had the answers to why people do these things and behave in these ways. If makes your feel like they are different people then who you were married with.

dclaus 04/17/2015

Thank you, and I am sorry for your pain and sorrow also. In the past I refused to reach out to anyone, and why this time is different, I don't know. I am having a harder time holding things together this time and I suspect it is because I gave my heart to this person whom excepted it and promised to safeguard it, only to completely crush and discard it. I am trying very hard not to drown my sorrows with alcohol and instead have been trying to immerse myself in activities, but I am so sorrowful that I can hardly endure it.

broken234 04/17/2015

I am so sorry for your pain. It doesn't matter how long you were married, it still hurts. for your stbx to mention someone who she is dating 2 weeks after asking for divorce is cruel. No contact seems like the best option. Don't listen to word that are meant to hurt you.

dclaus 04/17/2015

She keeps emailing me trying to explain how there was nothing wrong with the way she handled things, I don't get how she can't see that her actions are hurtful and her continued defending of her actions just further make things worse for me. It is incredibly heart breaking and frustrating for her to act like I don't have the right to be hurt and to grieve the loss of our marriage and friendship.

Lovinsimple 04/17/2015

dclaus:

I feel your pain. f I may ask, how long were you dating before you got married.

refurb 04/17/2015

be thankful that she is not the mother of your kids

no shame in how you feel, ride the hurt, while trying to see her for who she really is

sennight 04/17/2015

Hi, I only just joined this site and your post was the first I've read. Sorry to hear what you are going though. I'm sure there must be some good resources on this site. It sounds like you need some time and distance to grieve and think things through. Three months is not long to be married and though you did say she was your best friend too which must be so painful, I think it's 'good' (I stress the quotation marks) that she didn't hide things from you and drag you through the hell of an affair for months or years and went for a clean break. It must be really intense and you're in shock so do your best to take care of yourself and don't do anything rash. Talk things through with whomever is best to talk to (not her) and know that you will be on a journey of healing (sorry for the cliche phrase, but true). Pain does pass with time. (Speaking from experience) Focus on yourself and maybe set boundaries about communication for now. Treat yourself to some time to do some favourite R&R things - go fishing etc.. Best wishes.

sennight 04/17/2015

About the 'go fishing' - I in no way meant to sound like I'm minimizing what you are going through or what might help right now. I really do mean that it might help to do things which you normally like to do which might give you solace or recharge you or cope with the change. It really is like grieving a death. The world as you knew it is different and there's a lot to deal with. I just meant take time for yourself and take care.

NewBegin2012 04/18/2015

DClaus. How did it become acutely clear that you were not compatible on your honeymoon? How did she make that determination?

dclaus 04/18/2015

@#5 We dated for nearly 6 years before we got married. I had reservations about being married again because I didn't want to go through another divorce. She expressed her interest in getting married throughout or dating.

@#9 Whatever became "acutely clear" to her during the honeymoon, she has never expressed. I can't think of anything during the honeymoon that would have made her do this. We traveled to Europe and on the second day there I got ill which progressively got worse. So nearly the whole time I was ill and she complained that I was spoiling her time.

@#7 I have been trying to keep myself occupied with different things and limit my communication with her, but she keeps sending me emails and text messages saying that she doesn't understand why I am not happy for her and her new relationship. I told her again yesterday that we are no longer friends, and that I feel betrayed by her and to not communicate with me aside from divorce business.

kbbcoop77 04/18/2015

You're supposed to be happy for her and her new relationship? She sounds seriously disordered. You've done the right thing telling her friendship is off the table and the only thing you're willing to discuss is the divorce proceeding, in fact it might be better to get a lawyer and let them deal with her so you won't have to anymore. All communication can go through your attorney. You need to leave her in your past so you can heal and move forward. If my ex laid these lines on me I would be infuriated. And I would cut her off completely. No one needs to listen to that nonsense.

loosingthebattle 04/18/2015

I know you're a guy, but after so long of being together for her to call it off right after wedding? why not before??
I found it helpful and look at the site regularly chumplady.com
It helps me know and relate to the same things I'm hearing or have been through. There is an article in the archives on I've been unhappy for years. Situations are all different and wish you the best. Better now than 25 years and kids later...I have learned that you can't make someone who doesn't want to love you or even truly care about you. Ignore her as much as possible.

Missy73 04/18/2015

I sometimes think our spouses all took a course on how to be insensitive after breaking our hearts. Your wife has some set of cojones. You're not happy that your wife is banging someone else after three months of marriage? You sound unreasonable. Since you're fortunate enough not to have any children with her, hire an attorney, block her email and never speak to her again.

Aries1958 04/18/2015

I'm sorry that you are in emotional pain. We here at Daily Strength in the Divorce/Break Up Community have been hurt by a partner in one way or the other. I suggest that you focus on you and not the details why she wants to divorce you. The truth is that we will never know the truth. Hugs to you!

new2free 04/18/2015

I am so very very sorry you have been treated like this by your 2nd wife, especially after I am sure she knew what you had been put through with your first wife.
She just has to be the most insensitive, selfish and self-centered person to behave like this. She is obviously trying to justify her own actions by trying to put the blame on the supposed incompatibility. She just found someone else and thought the grass was greener over the hill
I know this is no comfort to you, but the guy who is with her now has to be an absolute idiot to think that she won't do it to him.
Please block her so that she cannot email you or text you. You do not need to have her taking you down into an even more miserable state than you already are. Or at least please just delete everything without reading it. Sorry to say this, but I so feel for you.... she is being a totally manipulative heartless bitch.

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