hugs my friend. wow. All I can say is get a therapist and a financial advisor is you do not already have one. I was in the same boat. But I made it. It will take time and a lot of TLC. Be gentle with yourself. I hope you got a good settlement. Take as much "me" time and cry all you want. I live in Ontario Canada so I do not know any local support group. Sorry

Thanks for your reply. Court date is not until two weeks. I do have a therapist. Change is hard especially since I have no one after being married to a sociopath. We don't have a lot to settle. I was a stay at home mom for 25 years! His older divorced brothers are coaching him on what to do so I am very unsure of my future.

Do you have Meetup in your area? I went to a divorce group meetup and it helped me a lot in the beginning of my separation.
Hugs
Marie

So sorry you are going through this! There is a whole world of emotional pain right now. But, I will focus on some practical advice to get you through the next couple of weeks.

- get a good lawyer and listen to her. My husband left me for someone after 15 years married and 27 years together. And, I still wanted to “help” him. I would have given up a lot to “help” him. I had an awesome lawyer and she saved me from making some pretty stupid mistakes.

- that being said - know the most important things you want. Keep a laser for us in those things. Stand ready to give up other things to get the most improved things.

- Search out a support group and stick with them. You will find out who your friends are. The others weren’t your friends, or they are just clueless because they can’t fathom what you are going though. But, hopefully you will connect with one or Two people that will bill you thru.

Good luck!

Jandy451,
I'm so sorry you are going through this. My hugs to you. I'm in CA if you need to reach out I'm here.

I'm going through something similar and it's excruciating! We have 4 children ,teens and he left the home in December before Xmas! and filed on February 14! Yes! Narc signature.

He was emotionally, psychologically, and physically abusive. It's crazy cause for 18 years I could sense something was wrong but I just couldn't put a finger on it. When he left, I found a few documents left behind with proof of all the abuse he put me through. Needless to say looking at those items took me back to the hurtful events and I had to reexperience the abuse all over. This was super disturbing

It's was painful to realize that he was abusing me all these years and I didn't know! It was like watching a super scary movie.

What you are going through is called the "big discard" that's what a NARC does once he gets tired of you or has found new supply...it's painful!

One good thing about my situation was that when he physically assaulted me (strangulation), something pushed to pick up the phone and call the police. He got arrested, and confessed to it in the police report! Now I had proof on paper that he was abusive! Had I told friends and family, they wouldn't have believe me. In fact I had mentioned to his mother about his alcohol getting worse and his behavior and his family said I was crazy and needed meds. Now that I have his OWN testimony on the report not sure how they will explain that away. What a douche.


I m waiting for the domestic violence hearing to get a permanent restraining order. I'm ready to move on although it's a nightmare to realize what he put me through, and I'm angry at myself for not realizing he was abusive.

I totally understand how you feel. For the first few months , I sat and cried and begged to save the marriage. But that box woke me up very quickly! I'm glad he is out of my life. Can't wait for the legal stuff to be over.

Please do not feel like you are alone, there are so many women going through this.
Reach out wen you need to. You can and will do this.
Lots of love.

Thanks for your response. I am getting thrown out of my home if 16 years. It had to be sold. I did not realize like you that I was involved in an abusive relationship. It is indeed a nightmare since he split and never looked back. I am going through hell because of his selfishness and sociopathic behaviors.
He has moved on. It is hard for me to do so, especially since this has been a lifetime. My husband will just shrink and disappear. He will never talk to me again. It is so sad since I think about all the time I spent trying to make this work for the family. My daughters won't talk to me. My sons are helping me but it is difficult for them. This is just so weird I feel so disconnected and lonely. My 4 children are grown.

Thanks for your support. : )

I think you're probably off. The scenarios with multiple jobs (I have a family member in the situation) do not get worse. Certainly someone can lose a single job in a political issue, have a bad supervisor or a downturn. When there are multiple firings, there usually is an inability to work and he probably gets angry when you note or observe the truth, or its consequences.

There seems to be a little issue in your post, because why would the daughters be mad. One suspects the marriage was bad and a lot of fighting.

Unless there is a reason or something else going on, it would seem to make sense to try to get along with the family, and have as amiable a divorce as possible. He can't earn a living and blames everyone else for his failures. He'll have to deal with that, don't badmouth him to family members, get some counseling, and try to work on creating a new life which may be better, without the craziness of dealing with someone unemployed who presumably blames everyone else including you for his problems.