Every state is different. I saw in your profile that you have two older children. How long have you been married?

In my state they want to you have equitable lives. If he makes $100,000.00 and you make $50,000.00 they add them together and divide by two. That's for long term marriages.

I believe they call it "Maintenance" in NY state.

I would take advantage of a consultation with a lawyer, considering the length of your marriage and the ages of your children, even though they are soon emancipated and even though you work FT.

I was told by the mediator that I can get child support up until 21. Even though my daughter will be out of the house this summer to start college I can still get it.
To answer your question on how long I was married 20 years. I might have to, I guess, at least consult a lawyer to go over the paperwork. I went with a mediator because its cheaper, but I have to do all the work and I am not really getting the legal advise I think I should be getting. Its so hard and over whelming. Well I guess you all know that.

Yes, you should get child support. Alimony is going to depend on your situation too. For example, I allowed my stbx to work late hours while I took care of the kids so he could become partner in his firm...it was understood that that sacrifice would give us a better standard of living for us and the kids. I am going for alimony or a large settlement. My lawyer says I should get it. But if your bills are mounting up maybe you need to find out about more child support. Good luck.

Without checking, I don't know the divorce laws for NY, but if NY is an "equitable distribution" state, then alimony or "spousal support" will be determined based on the difference in your incomes and income POTENTIAL for any court ordered settlement. In Maryland (which is Equitable Distribution) alimony is almost a sure thing IF YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED AT LEAST 20 YEARS.
If you are having difficulty making ends meet during your separation and if you don't have a legal separation in force (i.e., documented in writing) you may be able to get some "Alimony Pente Lite" in the meantime, but a Mediator can't get it for you and if your stbx isn't willing to do it on his own.
Don't be afraid to spend $ on an attorney. If I had tried to "do it on my own" I would still be living in limbo...and my ex ran away from home in 2005!

fI'm not in NY, but here's the hard core truth...a thousand people can tell you what you're "gonna get", but ultimately it is up to the judge. Even my lawyer said there was no way around alimony because of a 20 year marriage in which I spent the past 15 as a stay at home mom with no personal income.
Last week I found out the judge said no alimony.

I have kids, 11 and 14, and I finally got a job. I make about a tenth of what their dad makes.

Just be really careful about what you count on in this process. The less you believe you will get, the more it will be a blessing if and when you get anything.

Ok, here's a P.S. to my post regarding Alimony and Maryland law (which may also apply in New York, provided it is an Equitable Distribution state).
Because the court does not wish for either party to end up financially disadvantaged, the marital property and assets can be divided so that one party receives more than the other. If that is the case, Alimony may not be part of the court-ordered settlement.
Your BEST BET is always to try to settle out of court, especially if there is a home involved. Here (if one filed for divorce prior to July 2006) if you went to trial without a property settlement, the court would order the home sold and the proceeds divided at whatever percentage the court deemed appropriate. Because I didn't want to lose my farm (and it had long ago been paid for) I pushed and pushed for an out of court settlement. Got it, and the agreement for Alimony, just two days BEFORE GOING TO TRIAL.
Once again, go to www.divorcesource.com and look up the laws in your state. There are many factors which go into determining what an Equitable Distribution might look like. The better informed you are, the better equipped you and your attorney will be to make decisions.

Rose, I am in NY and yes, it is an equitable distribution state. How long have you been married? Yes, it is up to the judge, but if you have been married 20 years its also pretty much a given. Please also keep in mind that he will need to pay you out his portion of any pension plans,etc. In my case, I am waving alimony...but he will give me a monthly amount so that I may collect the portion of military pension that is due to me...because he cant pay it up front. Yep, hes still freaking out about it,but its not going to be an option. I have to agree with everyone else in that it is much better to settle out of court, but then again that would mean things were smooth and everyone is in agreement. I was not lucky int hat regard and had to lawyer up,..best decision I ever made. Lt me know if you need anything else.... NY is one of the ONLY fault states left...so confusing and complicated.

One minor correction to Namasted's post:
New York is one of the FEW fault states left. Lucky for me, Maryland is one of them.

MEDIATOR: works as a consultant for both sides to negotiate a reasonable settlement (low cost, amicable approach)

ATTORNEY: advocate for your interests (reviews your mediated settlement for you before your signing anything)

ALIMONY: Assuming a LONG TERM MARRIAGE, as defined by your state...

The guideline I heard was 30-40% of the difference in earned income.

Judge's can trump all guidelines, as in the example above. It is the Judge's feelings and not a science in my jurisdiction. You lose control in court.

The Judge is a wild card if you go to trial. You have to guess your risk and odds of success. There is risk things will go against you.

Thanks for all the advise. It is a twenty year marriage. I did contact my mediator again to see what she says. I think I might have to end up getting a lawyer. I really just want to come out of this with money to pay my bills that is a big scare. I will sell the house as soon as my son goes to college next year. Another thing is that the mediator said he does not have to help me pay the mortgage but he will still get half of what the house is sold for. See I think that for the time he is out and is not paying anything toward the mortgage that part should be deducted from his half. I guess I am wrong in that I just could use the help.

We picked a value for the house, and we knew the value of his 401k, then in PA I was likely to get 60%, so that's the dollar amount we agreed on. With my 60% I got the entire house, then some of his 401k.

His 40% came entirely out of his 401k.

We each kept our own IRA's and didn't figure them into the mix.

He got the new expensive truck, that had 4 years of payments left on. And I kept two very much older cars.

He kept the 3 Quads and trailer...combined value around 20k. I kept everything in the house.

I got alimony for 3 years and 3 months...long enough to get me through school and 3 months to find a job.

He signed over title to the house to me. But stays on the morgage until the alimony ends...at which time I had better have a job and the morgage in my own name, or the house is to be sold....I get whatever money is left after paying off the morgage.

We sat down at the kitchen table and figured all of this out.

We each had lawyers...to let us know what is more or less standard in our state, and the law.

Oh and he gets to claim both kids while I'm in school and getting alimony.

His lawyer wrote up the agreement, mine made changes, his made changes, mine made a last few. And that was it.

Honestly, I Might have gotten a better deal, and He Might have gotten a better deal. (The IRA's might have come into the mix, the quads might have been sold.)

BUT we probably wouldn't after lawyers fees had taken their cut. All together we probably spent 3k on fees. Not bad.

Another plus is that an agreement made like ours is almost impossible to change.

So If you can at all sit down and talk to your ex, it's by far the better way to go.

Rose, you are jumping all over the board on this advice topic. Right now, PROPERTY SETTLEMENT is tantamount to Alimony. If your husband is not living in the house with you and you have a mortgage, if BOTH YOUR NAMES are on that mortgage, it is a JOINT DEBT for which you are BOTH LIABLE. You need a lawyer NOW. Unless I'm mistaken, a lawyer can petition the court for what is called Alimony Pente Lite which will be court-ordered financial support for the period between now and the time a final divorce is granted. Sounds like you need to know your state laws...check out www.divorcesource.com and familiarize yourself! In the meantime, GET A LAWYER. Most will give you a free one-hour consult and you can get a lot of good information if you go prepared with a concise list of questions. Let me know if I can be of further assistance.

I am going to follow up on what I need to know especially if he has to pay 1/2 the mortgage if his name is on it. That alone would be a big help for me since it is the biggest bill I have and wipes me out each month. I sent a e-mail to the mediator. but I am going to look into a lawyer just to find out my rights so I can present her with them if she tells me again that he does not have to pay. I am going to try to keep the mediator since I really can't afford a lawyer. But I can for for the free consultations with the lawyer to see where I should go from here