Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Agony!!!

rudy79g
rudy79g
Been a while since I have posted anything, well anyone who hasn't heard my story, my 30year old wife of 8 years left me for a 22 year old little punk almost 2 months ago, still hurts like hell. I had my first surgery ever in my life Aug. 3rd, I think I may have cried about my situation while under because my uncle works in the hospital I was at, and I remember hearing his voice saying something about me having family problems to one of the nurses. How embarassing to do that in front of people I don't know! On top of emotional pain, I now have physical pain to go with it, my birthday was on sunday so I got to spend my birthday this year a physical and emotional wreck, the woman I needed most by my side was in the arms of a kid while I was under the knife. Why are people so cruel? The only thing going for me was that she was served with divorce papers from me today, I didn't want to end things on bad blood considering I've got a stepson I've been raising since he was 3 and now 10, she's had me banned from her job and telling lies that I tried hitting her and harassing her, I'm disgusted by how someone so familiar could turn to someone I don't know at all. I feel a piece of my soul has really died, can someone really die of heartache? Thats how I feel! Waking up in the middle of the night with tear filled eyes is nothing I ever looked forward to when growing up. I've started counseling but that can only help so much, any advice on how to move on and fix a broken heart is welcome!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm just at the start of my journey here Rudy (2.5 weeks since breakup), so no real wise words to give you. I can tell you that I've felt better hearing from other people how sorry they are. Truly guy, you don't deserve any of this and I really am sorry that its happening to you. I'm hoping you're on the mend physically, as it helps to get active. My partner of 17 years is leaving me for a man ten years younger than us both. To tell you the truth, if he was the same age or ten years older I don't think it would matter. Pain is pain. Onme thing I do know is that I've talked to a number of people who have been through this and have gone on to find someone they love more and are happier with. The pain will pass - and then you can rebuild - it does happen.
MsViv
MsViv
just let the emotions flow.. Some days will be bad, some days will be good.. it all takes time. Some days you have to just live in the moment and not think about the future, or the past for that matter. (((hugs)))
LuvelyGurl29
LuvelyGurl29
Take it one day at a time and don't look too far ahead. It does get easier, sort of , the pain subsides somewhat and you learn to pull through. Not easy, but do whats best for you now, cry if you feel like it, write it out and let it out!
HUGS
Tesinato
Tesinato
I'm really sorry that you have had to go through all this alone Rudy. Surgery in itself is scary business, but to be coming out of a 8 year relationship is got to be harder. I know when I got rushed to the ER last month, I was really scared. Turns out, that had I not joined this site after she left me, I wouldn't have known things about my MG. But I was really scared, and it felt so weird being alone. Don't worry what others say though, you are allowed to hurt. I know it seems embarrassing, but when you are that weak, it is hard to hold it in. Let it out, and if they don't like it, tell them to please leave you be.

It is amazing how someone that loved you unconditionally can turn like that, and lie, and be hateful towards you. My stbx did a similiar thing to me. I don't know what her goal was with it, but she flipped her lid I think personally. It is good that you could at least get the divorce started. Once that is finalized, it should be a big push in the right direction. I wish I could, but I have to wait until next May, so I feel in a holding pattern. It will get better Rudy, just take it one day at a time. I wish I had sage advice for you, but I'm just as new to it as you are.
deleted_user
deleted_user
In a very, twisted kind of way Rudy, a positive to take from this is knowing that when the going got tough, the wife got going. She did something siginifcant to damage your relationship, and is also not there for you during your time of need. Why I call this positive is because you have seen her for who she is...and imagine being ten my years in, then finding out? She has shown she is not worthy of the man you are.

Like Kevin said, ten years younger or older, probably doesn't matter because cheating is cheating. I can see why it would bother you, but there are so many things wrong with her being with a 22 year old...esp since she has a kid...that she is going to need him to step up in the same way you did, and she will find that he will fall short. This is NOT being against 22-year-olds, it's just, in real life, people respond differently to things as they get older. A man in his thirties, ideally, is more mature and has had responsibility of some kind...a man in his early 20's more than likely hasn't.

Focus on you. Focus on how to make you the best YOU you can be. As you heal, you will see that there is a lot out there for you...and please, keep posting :)
sandysan5743
sandysan5743
Rudy, one thing you can do is to put aside part of every day for mourning for the loss of your relationship. I don't recommend stuffing the feelings away. I do recommend doing at least one thing for yourself every day. The other thing to remember is that IT ISN'T YOU. Whatever led to your wife running to a CHILD, and away from her adult marriage and adult responsibilites (her child) is NOT driven by anything about you or related to you; and you can't fix it. Please try and keep your stepchild in your life through this very confusing time for him. Not sure what your arrangements are regarding seeing him; but text him, call him, send him cards, whatever you have to do so that he knows you are there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I really felt your sadness as I was reading this, Rudy. And my heart truly goes out to you. While I do not know either you or your stbx, it is VERY obvious that she isn't the same caliber person that you are. And don't ever forget: her cheating was NOT your fault. One day, she will regret what she did to you. I hope that all the wonderful support that you are receiving here massages your heart to feel just a little bit better. Take heart, my friend.